feel so stupid

ScorpiondeRooftrouser · 13 April 2017 at 11:05AM

sam_m wrote: »

so what do you suggest then. you say i would act like that again but what do you suggest to stop it from happening.

and how do you mean i can empathise with them.

If your difficulties are down to autism then it's possible somebody here is an authority on that. It's unlikely though. Given that, it's very unlikely that anybody here is going to be able to tell you what you should do or how you should act. All we can tell you is how you come over to the average person, which is what we are. And we have been pre-warned you are autistic; you can't tell everyone who comes to the counter in KFC "I am autistic" and expect them to make allowances.

Any advice you get here must be taken as directed at you as without reference to your autism. People don't have the expertise. If you want suggestions from people who know a lot about autism, then you should be getting that through professional channels.

jobbingmusician · 13 April 2017 at 11:08AM

Part of the diagnosis of autism is that people with autism have problems in understanding what other people are thinking or feeling. So expecting you to have empathy is probably unrealistic. However, what the poster is saying is that it would be a good idea if you thought about the following.

How would you feel if someone called you ugly? Especially if it was someone you liked? If it would upset you, then it is likely to upset someone else too, if YOU call them ugly. So please don't do it. The same with shouting at people and swearing at them. You have to learn that these things are unacceptable before you are ready for the world of work - or for having a girlfriend.

I was sympathetic with your first post, but you have said some nasty things since then which make me realise you still have some things to learn. I understand that you are seeing a counsellor - this is great and hopefully you will learn some valuable things which will help you get ready for life and love. I am sure the potential is in there!

sam_m · 13 April 2017 at 11:13AM

So if i am ever lucky enough to find another job what do you suggest i do. I Mean if KFC didn't give me a job what hope do i have in actually finding another one.

i know i have my flaws and im trying to change them. i sometimes think like im the only one in this situation when i know people are worse off then me.

And i suppose i just see how easy my stepbrother has it with his disability having CMT and he met his GF through a CMT weekend. The national autistic society does not do things like that

Towser · 13 April 2017 at 11:19AM

Sam M I have an autistic son who is partially verbal should I treat him as normal as possible even though he is so vulnerable?

Sam M What help have you had controlling your meltdowns?

Sam M My son usually has a meltdown at least once a week and most of the time I have no idea why and he can't tell me why because of his communication problems.

Sam M Why is it your perception that your father treats you like a little kid?

Sam M Is it because of your disability and he is trying to help you?

[Deleted User] · 13 April 2017 at 11:28AM

IAmWales wrote: »

That's a horrible phrase to use. You really need to think about the way you judge others with a disability.

There's nothing wrong with taking medication. You wouldn't call a diabetic weak if they took insulin, antidepressants and depression are no different.

I don't know about this - my brother's colleagues were able to call him half a man (because he is in a chair and cannot use his legs) and because of the god almighty awful benefit type programmes that would see them regular sneer at him and say he had no place to be in work, didn't he already have enough money as sterotyping has breeded this culture - sadly.

Apologies for derail

[Deleted User] · 13 April 2017 at 11:33AM

sam_m wrote: »

So if i am ever lucky enough to find another job what do you suggest i do. I Mean if KFC didn't give me a job what hope do i have in actually finding another one.

In 2013 I was like this when a newspaper/marketing co turned me down, 2 years later I got in and actually lived to kinda regret it dude. Quite funny I look back at orginal email and think yep you (they) made right decision.

I was so livid at time, oh how time heals.

sam_m · 13 April 2017 at 11:37AM

1. Yes you should try and treat him as normal as possible because if you don't he won't have any idea what the real world is like and you won't be around forever so he will have to succeed in life, for example a few years ago i did not know how to put the washing on, hoover or do any house chores but now im just expected to do these things, if he doesn't do this then teach him and in a few years time hopefully it will just be one of those things he does.

2. I have a counselling session every Friday which helps, and i have learnt to control them by counting down to 10, breathing techniques and if i ever feel angry i just punch a pillow. I think the way I dealt with the interview was wrong and my little snap was because it was my first interview and i was more anxious, next time i should just do my breathing, count to 10 and handle the situation better.

3. Does he see a person to talk to him, if he doesn't maybe someone could see him as he might not feel ready to talk to a parent. I know i wouldn't really want to and if he has some communication problem perhaps he feels nervous and speaking to a trained Councillor might help

4. When i phone him up to talk to him he starts off by saying oh hello sammy, hello pumpkin and just speaks to me in a voice that im still a child and not a 24 year old adult. I was talking to him about when i find a partner and he said i would have let her meet him first to check if she was suitable for me. I felt like saying hey dad, reality check here im a adult, not a kid i can go out with whoom i wish. But i think the problem is he hasn't seen me grow up because he split with my mother, he said i was a brave boy for meeting my mate yesterday and catching the train, its just second nature for me now getting a train/using public transport but before when he lived with me i probably would have had a mentle breakdown and screamed and refused to go on the train/bus

5. He tries to help but he doesn't really. I don't blame him because he hasn't seen me grow up but he needs to let go

elsien · 13 April 2017 at 11:42AM

There have also been two posters on this thread who have said you have sent them abusive private messages. That is not ok, however angry you are.
It seems to me that anger management is one of the issues you need more support with if you want to function more effectively. You may not have had a full meltdown for a number of years, but to the impartial observer your reactions when you do get angry are not helping you to become the person that you would like to be.

sam_m · 13 April 2017 at 11:49AM

i did not send Blackpool Saver an abusive message. I think the poster took that the wrong way, i actually appreciated the help that she gave me. If she thought i was sending her a nasty message that was not the way it was.

I got angry with the other poster because he only said School holiday fun time, yes i shouldn't have done it but its like he didn't think there are people in my situation.

And anger management is one of the issues im working on

Towser · 13 April 2017 at 11:54AM

Maybe he treats him like a little kid because he is acting like a little kid.

Somebody had a lucky escape, but I'm not sure it was him.

You have some very unpleasant way of describing people 'mental nutcase'?

'Low end thick autistic bloke' - you get worse and worse

How are the above constructive to a disabled person?

There is very little professional help out there.

OP is learning the hard way, coming on a forum is a tough way of learning social rules. At least he is trying.

I have empathy for Sam M because I have a son in a worse situation with communication difficulties as well so we will have all this to go through.

Sam M don't give up on your dreams and keep trying you will find a way.

feel so stupid

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