Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis · 5 February 2018 at 5:57AM

Torry, I hope you got some sleep last night. :A

seven-day-weekend · 5 February 2018 at 8:05AM

Still thinking of you Torry. What a dreadful time this must be for you. Hope you have some support.

jobbingmusician · 5 February 2018 at 12:57PM

Thinking of you, Torry. The phrase 'safe in the arms of Jesus' helps me a bit, even though generally I feel that I don't relate to Christianity. Is there a phrase like this you can hold on to? Even if it's something like 'shuffling off this mortal coil' where you can celebrate the fact that nothing can ever hurt Loon again, that he is done with all the problems that being in this world brings, and at peace?

dekaspace · 5 February 2018 at 2:35PM

Really can't cope with neighbour at minute, they had that party from 8pm to past 4am Sunday, every night last week groups of visitors round, barking dog which they leave alone, woken this morning on my 1 day off this week at 8.40am by screaming kids running around then the "babysitter" speaking at shouting volume and laughing, then they go out at 1pm and leave dog pacing about and knocking over furniture.

The stress got so bad that yesterday when I went to friends house I was given abuse by some teenagers and normally just ignoring it I shouted back at the kids and walked up to them whcih made them call their friends for backup but I still didnt' back down and the teenagers ran off.

Waves_and_Smiles · 6 February 2018 at 6:36PM

Just popping in quickly, we are back home but things are chaotic here with boxes and bags everywhere. I need to sort through them all but I am being hampered by a torn cartilage in my knee. It is the oddest injury ever, one minute I am walking and it aches a little, the next it just gives way and I am on the floor. It is an 8 week healing time which is frustrating, all I did was trip up a stair in the hotel!

Hugs and warm handshakes to all and a special, gentle hug to Torry, you have been much in my thoughts my friend.

Torry_Quine · 6 February 2018 at 6:41PM

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Thinking of you, Torry. The phrase 'safe in the arms of Jesus' helps me a bit, even though generally I feel that I don't relate to Christianity. Is there a phrase like this you can hold on to? Even if it's something like 'shuffling off this mortal coil' where you can celebrate the fact that nothing can ever hurt Loon again, that he is done with all the problems that being in this world brings, and at peace?

Even though I'm a believer I'm just too angry with God at the moment.

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Just popping in quickly, we are back home but things are chaotic here with boxes and bags everywhere. I need to sort through them all but I am being hampered by a torn cartilage in my knee. It is the oddest injury ever, one minute I am walking and it aches a little, the next it just gives way and I am on the floor. It is an 8 week healing time which is frustrating, all I did was trip up a stair in the hotel!

Hugs and warm handshakes to all and a special, gentle hug to Torry, you have been much in my thoughts my friend.

I'm a total mess. Crying and howling most of the time. I don't have the resources to do anything. Well meaning people keep telling me I need to have structure and do things but how can I?

System · 6 February 2018 at 6:57PM

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Even though I'm a believer I'm just too angry with God at the moment.

I can understand this, my grandparents were very religious,always went to church, helped out there etc. When my gradand died i was angry with god too. I couldn;t understand why he;d taken my grandad away when he did everything he was supposed to do. Even my nan i;d say lost some faith when he passed.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much right now. I wish i could take that pain away. Is there anything in particular you could distract yourself with? any hobbies or interests? You probably wont feel like doing anything, but if theres anything you can do to distract you it may help in the sort term. You;ve said you've called samaratians, if it helped before would it help to call again? I'm sure they won;t mind at all and it might help to talka bout how you're feeling? Sorry if none of this is helpful x

Waves_and_Smiles · 6 February 2018 at 7:17PM

Torry, it is too early to structure anything right now, please only do what you feel capable of. People mean well and want to see you feeling better but there is no timeline for the devastation of grief. You don't have to do anymore than basic functioning right now which is eating when you can and drinking water. If you can manage to drink and have a light meal a day you have done enough. Everything else can wait.

Scream and cry as much as you want to, this is your pain, not anyone elses and you get to choose how you express that. You will feel many different things over the coming weeks and all are ok, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to feel without any pressure to do what others think you should do.

We are all here for you, please post as much as you need. My heart truly goes out to you and if any of us can help in any way just ask. I know you feel alone but as much as we can be we are with you my friend.

Torry_Quine · 6 February 2018 at 9:16PM

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I can understand this, my grandparents were very religious,always went to church, helped out there etc. When my gradand died i was angry with god too. I couldn;t understand why he;d taken my grandad away when he did everything he was supposed to do. Even my nan i;d say lost some faith when he passed.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much right now. I wish i could take that pain away. Is there anything in particular you could distract yourself with? any hobbies or interests? You probably wont feel like doing anything, but if theres anything you can do to distract you it may help in the sort term. You;ve said you've called samaratians, if it helped before would it help to call again? I'm sure they won;t mind at all and it might help to talka bout how you're feeling? Sorry if none of this is helpful x

It's fine thanks. That's how it feels, he was so faithful throughout his illness that this feels like a punishment from God.

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Torry, it is too early to structure anything right now, please only do what you feel capable of. People mean well and want to see you feeling better but there is no timeline for the devastation of grief. You don't have to do anymore than basic functioning right now which is eating when you can and drinking water. If you can manage to drink and have a light meal a day you have done enough. Everything else can wait.

Scream and cry as much as you want to, this is your pain, not anyone elses and you get to choose how you express that. You will feel many different things over the coming weeks and all are ok, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to feel without any pressure to do what others think you should do.

We are all here for you, please post as much as you need. My heart truly goes out to you and if any of us can help in any way just ask. I know you feel alone but as much as we can be we are with you my friend.

I feel that getting dressed is a major achievement. Anything else is too much.

Pyxis · 7 February 2018 at 12:14AM

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Even though I'm a believer I'm just too angry with God at the moment.

I'm a total mess. Crying and howling most of the time. I don't have the resources to do anything. Well meaning people keep telling me I need to have structure and do things but how can I?

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's fine thanks. That's how it feels, he was so faithful throughout his illness that this feels like a punishment from God.

I feel that getting dressed is a major achievement. Anything else is too much.

Torry, I agree with WaS; it's far to early to be forcing yourself to get structure in your life.
It might take weeks, it might take months. Only you will know when.

Of course you won't have the mental or physical energy to do much more than get up in the morning, but if you do that, then that's a major achievement.
If you get dressed as well, then that's another achievement, and if you can manage to get up, get washed, and get dressed, then you're a bluddy marvel, that's all I can say!

This limbo, when the funeral is over, and people have gone home, is probably the worst time time ever.
You're probably feeling exhausted, and maybe also just numb.

I hope you're getting some sleep, and do try to eat something every day, even if it's just toast with a piece of cheese and an apple.

Do you have food in the house? If not, and you don't want to go to the shops, then you could get some stuff delivered

If you want to stay snuggled under a duvet on the sofa, then do just that. You're broken and you need to mend, but that will take time.

And don't be afraid to smash a few plates if you want to. You are allowed.
Wanton destruction (of one's own stuff, I hasten to add) can be good for letting the anger out.
Smash, smash, smash.

Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

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