Well, that didn't go down well!

I was taking a contribution from my oldest 2 as soon as they had part-time jobs when they started college. They were earning nearly 300 a month from working weekends in Tesco so I asked for 30 from each of them a month. DS1 is now back from Uni and is looking for a job, as soon as he's working he will be giving me keep. DS2 works but doesn't earn a huge amount. He gives me 100 a month as he is learning to drive at the moment and I'd rather he put money towards that. The youngest doesn't have a part-time job (desperately looking) and is at college so he does more around the house to help out as I am having to still buy his clothes/fund his lunch money etc. My boys have always been aware of our (family) financial situation, see me and their dad working full-time and understand that you pay your bills first then if there's anything left it's yours.

scooby088 wrote: »

In the 90's when I left education and got a job I was on £80 per week and I gave my parents £25 per week, as far I was concerned I had an easy ride for 16 years of my life and was my time to start contributing.

For me if he doesn't contribute then you have the option of asking him to leave and find out that the real world is alot more expensive than living with you.

I was the same in 1990 working as a temp got about 80-90 quid a week and gave parents £25 a week thought that was reasonable it teaches you to budget and when I went to uni i was used to paying rent for when I had to pay 3 mths rent for halls in advance out of £800 grant.

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

am I being unreasonable?

Starting at the end of your first post, No, you are NOT being unreasonable, but I feel really glad that both DS1 and DS2 have not quibbled about paying rent as soon as they got home from Uni. In both cases they were paying it from their savings (yes, savings!) as neither wanted to claim JSA. DS1 was trying self-employment but then got a job, and DS2 is allegedly job hunting.

In both cases they knew it would happen: the free ride lasts as long as you're at Uni, no longer. They also knew they'd be expected to start paying promptly, because if they didn't it would be a dangerous precedent to set DS3.

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

When I dropped hints a few weeks ago about 'keep' his comment was ' if I pay you it'll take me longer to save the money to get a place so you'll be stuck with me for longer than I want'

there are several possible responses to this: "I didn't realise you were saving for your own place, I thought you were saving to go travelling first, which is it?" "Darling, you know I'd love to have you at home forever, perhaps I'd better quadruple that figure" being the first two which spring to my mind.

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

Out joint income is only around £30k, & we're about £130 short now each month as our youngest son has just left for Uni so our Child benefit & Child tax credit has stopped

the bottom line is that you need the money. If necessary sit down and go through the numbers with him. If he doesn't like it, he's welcome to move somewhere cheaper.

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

I don't need proof of his savings, I have access!! - he does put everything away that he can, I feel the bad guy as this is the 1st time I've had to go cap in hand, it doesn't help that his uni pals have parents who earn far more than we do & don't ask them for a contribution

As others have said, this is completely irrelevant. If he wants to move in with someone else's parents, let him try it.

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

Thank You everyone for all the replies - he is a good kid & is good with money, when he was in the shared house he was the one who dealt with the money & paid the bills, most of his costs were paid out of his student loan. He worked p-t thru Uni for his extras, has only recently got the other 2 jobs which is why I've only asked for it now, up until this month he was only on 250-300 pm. He pays all costs for his car, phone, gym membership & clothes. I do his washing but he does his own ironing & cleans his room. I don't want to make money off him, but realises he needs to contribute something as A. we could use the money & B. he needs to get used to the fact that he has to pay to live etc

Can you afford to spend as much as he does on car, phone, gym and clothes? How much disposable income do you have? I don't think there's any need to apologise for the fact that you NEED the money. The alternative is to consider taking a lodger, or downsizing.