you know when all you lovely people give advice...

Seaxwyn · 9 April 2007 at 3:42PM

Oh posting please don't feel so down about it. No way will you be there until you're 30, I reckon you'll be moving into your own place within the next couple of months.

The only thing standing in your way is the admittedly big deal of needing to find around £1,000 deposit. I'm not saying that's easy, I'd like to know how to find £1,000 myself! But it's not impossible, we've all marvelled at how good you are at managing your money. You're raising some extra cash by working during your holiday so that's a good start. I'd say suspend the driving lessons temporarily - your driving instructor is not so important as yourself!

And if your mum moves to Wiltshire you DONT need to go with her. Surely that would give you some more housing list points?

Don't feel so bad, give yourself a break, don't worry too much about it, even if you can't move into this flat right now you will move before the summer.

tesuhoha · 9 April 2007 at 4:00PM

Hi Pap,

I think reading this, your need to leave home exceeds your need to go to college. However, I think that you should wait a few months until you have paid off your Sainsburys card and try to save some money towards a deposit. Other flats will come up; they always do. I think you have to be strong in your intent to do this though and being strong involves planning it and saving for it until you can afford it without debt. You have to carry on resisting your family for a while until you are in a better position financially. I know you are desperate to go but if you know that you are working towards it and will go when you are ready then you will feel better.

Your mother had to cope with life before you were born and she will have to cope without you again. You were not born to be her keeper. You deserve a life of your own. If it gets so that she is going to move, then I think you should go but by then hopefully you will have paid off some of your debt. Is there any way that you can increase your debt payments so that it is paid off earlier and then you can start saving for your deposit.

The most important thing here is to keep resisting your family to keep as much money as you can in your pocket, and to go in a planned move when you are ready. Dont rush into anything on impulse. Have a good look around at flats and be fussy. I am very glad that you have decided to leave home though; I truly think its the best thing for you. Love Tes xxx

ZTD · 9 April 2007 at 4:01PM

How long have you been seriously looking for a new home?

tesuhoha · 9 April 2007 at 4:07PM

Although having said that, there is the point that moving out will put you under less pressure. If you did put the extra £800 on a card then you are such a good manager that without your family hassling you for money, you will probably pay it off. You will be able to live very cheaply on your own and economise but please dont fall into the trap of giving your family any money at all. Give them nothing once you have left. I am not recommending this course of action as I think it is something you would have to think about very carefully. However, if you feel so desperate that you cannot bear to live there any longer, then I think maybe you should consider it. As long as you live in that house you are constantly exposed to the risk of giving your family money. If you are at a low ebb one day then they could catch you unawares so it will be best for you to move out as soon as you possibly can manage it (in my opinion)

tesuhoha · 9 April 2007 at 4:14PM

You wont be letting down your instructor if you give up the lessons. Of course he would like you to pass your test but you are just a client to him at the end of the day. Running a car is expensive and if you live in a city flat then car parking will become a problem. There is so much public transport and walking is good for the figure. Try flat living, be young and independent. Go to college if you can but forget the car for a few years. Your quality of life is much more important and if you move out you will start living instead of existing. Even living alone in a little flat with your cat or whatever is preferable to the existence you have now. You will be able to buy all your own food, watch your tv, play on your computer and shut your front door against the world. You will be able to save all the money you dont use for living expenses. You will have peace and quiet and personal space. Good luck with this Pap. Start planning your escape.

postingalwaysposting · 9 April 2007 at 4:48PM

thanks tes

i read your post and then went away to think about it, i have just had a good cry and let all my anger out here is what i think i will do opinions please...

*cancel college and maybe do it next year unless i decide i must do it this year, its not been payed for and i can remove my request from work anyway, and the course isnt going to stop running as its a national thing
*pay the £300 off my card thats sat in my holiday/college fund this will then mean i will only owe £95.78...

my soa for next month will then look like ~
£100.00 ~ mum
£70.00 ~ bt (-£30 mum) = £40.00
£48.00 ~ bus card (but i may only need one @ £24)
£11.00 ~ house insurance
£3.28 ~ bike insurance
£18.00 ~ xmas savings
£6.00 ~ deno
£90.00 ~ driving (may only be £60 and i might cancel sundays lesson)
£95.78 ~ sainsburrys

total = £412.06

leaving £337.94 (going by a wage of £750.00 although i do get a little more)

so then i have £337.94 to go on holiday with and start my moving out fund. I dont want my family to get wind of me trying to move out so i dont know if i can cancel the driving lessons completly as they may suspect but maybe if i do one every two weeks so its only £60. they know i am not going to buy a car, i have told them that.

tes you are right flats are going to be avalible to rent all the time so i will need to save and make provisions for when i move, but just knowing in X amount of months/weeks/years i will be able to move out will make me strong and determinded

tesuhoha wrote: »

Start planning your escape.

thats going to be my own personal goal from now on in i think

postingalwaysposting · 9 April 2007 at 4:52PM

opps i forgot i have £45.00 stashed in a piggy bank here that is the money that mum and my brother has partilaly given back so the £95.78 for sainsburys is much less :j

tesuhoha · 9 April 2007 at 5:03PM

I think that is a basically sound plan. You will then almost be debt free and it wont take very much to pay it off and you will be able to save all your money towards your fund. Therefore it will be saved before you know it.

I think once you get started, have paid off your debts and you know the money you are saving is for your little flat and your new life then you will feel like this :j

Gemmzie · 9 April 2007 at 5:06PM

Okay, so based on 38 hours at 5.70 I reckon your weekly take home pay is in the £164 - £212.99 bracket? Which takes £23.35 off the £45 per week which is roughly the current rate. If you get any fuels included in the rent then they take off a bit for that, so let me know if you've found somewhere and I can give you those figures too.

I think you'd get approx £20 housing benefit per week so £86 per month.

As for rent or deposits, which is what often holds people back, see if there's an ABC bond scheme in your area (I think you're near-ish to me which means you do). Basically it's given to the landlord like a promise that ABC will pay out in an instance where your deposit would be used.
Some won't take it but more and more will because so few people have a spare £600+ to put down

tesuhoha · 9 April 2007 at 5:07PM

And if you really set your mind to it and are careful, you will get to college too.

you know when all you lovely people give advice...

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