Cant cope

belfastgirl23

Homestart are supposed to be great!

I'd just second the advice about getting out, wearing out your DS and getting some exercise yourself - it does make a big difference to how you feel about the world and will make him more manageable. As the others say, don't worry too much about getting anything more than the basics done, no point in putting yourself under extra pressure....

But I also just wanted to say that this is a pretty common feeling from mums of 2 year olds so don't be too hard on yourself, there's no such thing as the perfect mum and you are doing a good job in hard circumstances.

Eager_Elephant

Homestart tend to cover most areas except large towns who tend to have Sure Start.

I have been a volunteer with Home Start but don't currently have the time to do it at the moment.

I supported families who felt they were unable to cope either by going round to talk to the family, so the mother felt like she had a close friend or by helping with the children.
The volunteers can help you in lots of ways including practical such as taking you shopping, watching the children while you do important things.etc.
Volunteers usually visit once a week for 1 - 2 hours although if you need a high level of support they can come more regularly.

The other thing I like about them is they have groups which meet up regularly and they provide the transport (these groups are better than tarditional mother & toddler because you know everyone who goes is struggling for one reason or another).
Plus they have outings once or twice a year where hundreds of parents and children descend somewhere for the day like the zoo.
You will meet like minded people.

You can refer yourself to them or your GP/Health Visitor can. The co-ordinator then visits to discuss your needs and then you are paired up with a volunteer who they think will best match your needs.

EE

Miss_Kitty_Fantastico

have you tried www.netmums.com?

they have a local-meet-a-mum noticeboard online - you can either put an advert up yourself to meet other mums or you can reply to an existing advert

i have very bad pnd and have had clinical depression for 14 years so putting an advert up was one of the hardest things i have ever done, but i have met two other mums - one of which also had pnd for 12 months

like you i live away from all my family and as my partner works long hours i dont have any support during the day

the girls i have met on net mums have been a godsend - i only meet them once a week as thats all i can cope with, but i look forward to it and its great to chat to someone going through the same problems.

if you want any more info or just want to chat - please feel free to pm me

3KIDSNOMONEY

sending you big hugs

from experience lonliness breeds depression and maybe you could try battling that lonliness. when i look around everyone else seems to have a really active social life and loads of friends- whilst i feel left behind as i am quite shy and conversation doesn't come easily.

if things are really bad maybe you could ask your HV to put you in touch with other people in the area who are perhaps feeling the same. i am sure that there are lots of us who are lonely but are perhaps to embarrassed to admit we are 'billy no mates'! i know that this is probably easier said than done as some HV are not all that nice to be honest.

i am happy for you to pm me if you feel as though you need to vent a bit and get some things of your chest - sometimes that helps.

i have to force myself to get out and about which is very difficult as my depression has led to a whole heap of problems (another story) but i do try to go to toddler groups and things even if i do feel a bit of an outsider. i have also recently started taking my youngest swimming just to get get out.

kizzykizzywizzy

I know how you are feeling, my children still wear me out & they are 7 & 5.
My DS used to scream almost every time we went out to the shops etc, all the old ladies used to tut at me as if I wanted him to behave that way! & I became a recluse, because i couldn't bear the way people looked at me all the time.
I never had this problem with my DD, she loved making cakes, painting, loved me reading to her, DS couldn't stand any of this & would not pay attention, he also had a speech delay, which I think frustrated him into screaming all the time.
It was all very stressful & although I love both my children, sometimes I really did not like my DS & resented him for making me stay in all the time.
Then one day, I thought sod it, I can't do this anymore, I started going to a playgroup, where he definately wasn't the worst behaved as they all had their moments! I took him to a toy library, which was about 50p you got a coffee & could borrow any toy for a week.
Literally I just got him out of the house & held my head high when he screamed & ignored him & all the people staring, gradually he grew out of it.
Have you got a friend who can look after him whilst you have a break ( get your hair done or something, cheap at college ) or perhaps you can enrol on a course of some nature, some are free if you get tax credits & some have free creches too.
I find a small break away from your children is good for you, not that I get much of a break!! but when I do manage it, I appreciate them all the more & my batteries recharge slightly so I can cope better.
Take care & just realise you are not alone feeling like this, being a parent is hard work.

pukkamum

Hi sorry to hear you are so down there is a lot of fantastic advice but i just wanted to give you some re the housework. With my son i could never find the energy or motivation to tidy clean etc and i found this actually added to my stress levels as there is nothing worse than trying to relax in a tip. So i now make myself do an hour (if it needs it sometimes less) every morning as soon as i have had my first cup of tea i put on some music, Lo watches t.v (or helps with a rag for dusting) and i can then spend the rest of day doing exactly as i want with no feelings of guilt or stress that i have left the house a tip. HTH love. P.s it also means that when lo has a nap after lunch i can simply put my feet up for an hour knowing everything is done.

onlyroz

I always found that my boy (now 3) is easier to manage out in the open than cooped up in the house. If you have a large park, or common land where you can just wander among the long grass and trees, then you should be able to let the little darling do pretty much what he wants, because he'll be safe and can't hurt himself.

Another tip I was given for half-an-hour of guaranteed peace was to give the kid something they loved to eat, but was really fiddly and takes a long time - the best things are ice lollies, or a bag of crisps. A god-send when you're out shopping and you just want the little s*d to stay quiet in his buggy for a bit. Not the healthiest option, I know, but as an occasional treat when you're out-and-about it can work wonders.

pange

in terms of managing your toddlers behaviour have you thought about introducing the naughty spot? or is he too young. my daughter went through an awful stage of tantrums and although its part of normal childrens behaviour it still may be worth thinking of some stratagies to deal with it. it happened to work a treat with her, i gave her a warning first, then another warning that she would be placed on the naughty spot, then she'd be put infront of the front door an had to sit there for a minute for every year of her life, (that was her designated spot) after we'd have a chat about why she was placed there and she would have to say sorry.

could be worth a shot, takes alot of time and patince on your part though because it doesn't give instant results, but i found it was worth it in the end.

good luck x

Rachie_B

definitely try Home start ( i am a volunteer )

and netmums meet a mum board,i have met around 15 mums from there in my area

we meet up regularly with and without children,and have become really good friends with some of them,so glad i did it as i didnt know anyone as we relocated

good luck

x

nothavingfun..

hi all just an update - thanks for all you r help. i have called the hv and she is visiting soon, she also mentined homenstart when i spoke to her

thanks agin all very apprecitive that you replied