how to get wife to support my budgeting activity

Gingham_Ribbon

Seriously, trade it in for a skoda. It won't break down and costs very little to run!

sooz

seems to me you are both playing the 'yes, but' game. she certainly is, and you too when you ask for advice by reply with yes, but to every suggestion.

a kitchen the wrong colour is not life or death. it does sound like she has a form of depression and is overcompensating by spending, and trying to make her home perfect.

supermarket bills can be less. shop locally, cook more, freeze food.

if the car is on its way out, get one with better mpg, or only use one car not two

if she wants to cash in her endowment, why do you need to keep giving her an allowance to pay for it?

System

a kitchen the wrong colour is not life or death. it does sound like she has a form of depression and is overcompensating by spending, and trying to make her home perfect.

Sorry, she sounds rather spoiled to me.

Yes its nice to go up in the world, but its very hard to come down!

frostyspice

Poor OP is going to be too scared to post again on his own thread!

He didn't ask people how to save on his supermarket bills did he - he asked what he could do to get his wife to stop spending money on stuff they don't need!!!

Let him shop at Sainsburys, run a decent motor and live in Surrey! He could probably do all this perfectly comfortably if his wife wasn't wanting more than she's got and more than they can afford.

I've got a lot of sympathy for the OP. My husband and I enjoy saving money and only spending on the things we really want and can comfortably afford (buying them at the lowest price we can find of course!) Luckily we are very similar in our attitudes to money - this poster hasn't got that with his wife and it must be very difficult for him.

One thing I am envious of though is that £500 per month for 'personal expenses'!!! Mr MPwannasavemoney, what is she spending it on??? Lucky lady
- pity she doesn't realise it!

pozalina

Hi MPwannasavemoney,

I have read most of your thread with interest. You are in a very difficult situation with your wife, and I feel for you because you have clearly tried many ways of making her see the severity of the situation you are in.

I have a couple of comments:

You keep saying that you need some financial 'expert' to get through to your wife. What makes you think that she will believe them any more than she believes you? She is in denial about your financial situation, which is very powerful, and I doubt that even if you got Alvin Hall AND Martin together she would say/think 'ohhhh, I get it now!! Silly me...'

Secondly, you also seem to think that a 'financial' expert is the best placed person to speak to your wife, as the problem is manifest in her spending. However, you are already very well informed about income, expenditure, savings, etc. etc. The crux of the problem seems to lie with your wife not listening to you or respecting your views and feelings. Is it just regarding money that she does what she wants and dismisses your opinion? I bet it's not. I think that you are right when you mention marriage guidance as an option, but your wife will have to acknowledge that there is a problem for it to be worthwhile.

It is very frustrating and sickening when you have a partner who will just not take on board your worries - mine did not work for 6 months and could not understand why I was frantic about being overdrawn every month. Until your wife realises that there is a genuine problem, both in the way she treats you and with your joint financial situation, she will dismiss your 'nagging' as just that - pointless nagging. How you get her to that point is not simple. I had to give my partner an ultimatum and moved out of our home for a year - yes, a year - until he had made headway into making big changes. It can be done - but you have to show her that you mean it, and that you refuse to carry on as you have been doing.

Best of luck,

poz x

Rikki

After paying my mortgage I have less then £500 left to run and maintain the house, little left for enjoying.

What joy it would be to have an allowence of that kind of money plus the childrens allowence and child benefit. Money to spend as I wished, my head would be in the clouds too.
"How can we have financial problems I've still got money to spend!"

MPwannasavemoney

No not scared to post - just quietly checking back every few hours or so (I do have work to do) to see what updates have been posted - I'm impressed by the debate and opinions!

Just to clear up some things:
a) the car is not as some people have concluded to be 'a lifestyle statement'. It is a Astra Estate Automatic bought 2nd hand. The car will only do about 5000 miles per year so the depreciation costs are actually more important than the petrol costs - at least they were when the car was bought a year ago and petrol was still seventy something pence per litre. Now I have found all the automatics I have ever had do terrible mileage per gallon, plus the car never really gets properly warmed up - hence the 25mpg. I doubt a toyota yaris will achieve its stated 45mpg when used like this. I have taken it up the M1, M6 etc on a long run and the mileage did improve. Further we have other reasons for buying a slightly larger car which I don't have to list here. Of course I would prefer it if the car wasn't used for just 1 mile as not only does this drink petrol but it knackers the engine. Luckily most days this doesn't happen as when my wife does the school pick up she will run an errand beforehand or take the kids somewhere afterwards. And we need 2 cars - I can't get to work without one and my wife can't get to wherever she needs to go by public transport and taxis will be about triple the cost (if you can get one during a busy period). Now if I could find a way of only having 2 cars mon to fri and rent one out at the weekend I could make some money.

b) I may not have asked anyone how to cut down my shopping bill - I didn't know until the postings on this board that such large savings may be possible! As I stated before, firstly I have to balance my time between shopping in different places and getting what we need vs saving money - I'm not going to spend 1/2 hour to save a £1 (don't tell me it all adds up); secondly I was going off the figure given on the telly the other day (£8000 for the average family per year) thinking well we are just under that so we must be OK. Thanks to all the posters pointing out how much they spend - I will investigate further when I get the time to see how well we can do - does anyone know if Saisbury's can tell me what I spend on in a spreadsheet from my nectar account (they have the info) - if I can get it electronically I can set up comparisons?

c) Not portrayed well in any of the postings but there have been minor improvements over the years in my wife's attitudes. It has been slow and sometimes there are setbacks - it does depend on her mood / hormones / whatever. For example when the mood is right she will at least shop around for the best price and even phone me up and ask how much something is on the internet.

d) Some posters have expressed that whatever sympathy they had they have lost - frankly I couldn't care less about sympathy - as queenie says (thanks queenie!) I posted to ask for help/tips/suggestions. Some of the tips have been things I have tried and they did not work at the time (hence my yes buts) and I haven't found a way around them. Others are tips I can try when the time is right (assuming my wife is not in a depression - no point making it worse) or investigate further (such as the food bill) - thanks for everyone though for your suggestions!

d) Some are questioning how someone can come in to wave the magic wand to turn on the lightbulb. This is something my wife has asked for - in her eyes an expert has more weight that I do - hence the reason why I have to ask her to phone 'experts' on some matters to confirm things and its good when they confirm my statements back to her. She learns only the hard way or by listening to 'experts'.

Thats all I'm going to say for now!

oh_heck

Prehaps you are ,as a couple good ,candidates for Martins show then ..................maybe she will listen when an 'expert' lays it out for her

chardonnay_2

i'm afraid that for the moment you will have to plough on with the moneysaving by yourself. it seems your wife has her head stuck firmly in the sand and expects you to sort everything out. perhaps she doesn't see debt as something to worry about, you appear to have a good income and you rescued her from debt before, she probably thinks you will do so again if it happens. i've got a few tips for you that i'll break down into sections. you've done the hard bit by posting here and by sorting out the utilities, so these should seem easy! hope you find them useful.

Heating & electricity & water

Check out the energy efficient websites, loads of good ideas on how to reduce your bills & make your house warmer.

Insulate your loft

Check for drafts from doors and windows. If so buy draft excluders for the door and letterbox and insulating tape for the windows will make a big difference. Make sure you keep doors closed to keep heat in .

There is no need for heating to be on all day and night. It’s not good for you. It dries your skin and can clog up your sinuses. Sort out the timer on your heating, then switch it to timer when you go to bed. Make sure you set it to come on for a little while before everyone gets up. You could even set it to come on now and again during the night to keep the house at a nice temp. try it and you can always change it if your wife notices or complains.

Turn off lights in rooms when not in use.

You mentioned energy saving light bulbs. Why not put them in rooms used less or where brightness isn’t an issue. For example the bedrooms, hall etc. just go ahead and do it and see what the response is.

Get thermostats on all radiators - and use them, turn them down in rooms not used often. In rooms you use often, try turning it down half a number and if it is still warm then again and so on. You can always turn it up if it’s colder.

Put a brick in your cistern it will reduce your water costs and still work the same.

Check out water suppliers websites, they often give away stuff to put in the cistern (instead of the brick) to save money

Check what temp washing is done at, is it too hot?

Some simple things there but it all counts.

Pin money

This is a great way for you to save money and put it towards paying off your mortgage earlier etc. pin money is basically keeping a note of any extra money you make or save and then using that to treat yourself or pay off debt or in your case put towards your mortgage. You’ll find more about this on the old style board - you could join in the challenge they have every month.

Examples are:

Fill in surveys online that pay you in money or vouchers

Join cashback sites and try to do all planned shopping online (they pay you to shop you can even earn cashback by visiting sites)

Make sure the credit card you use gives points or cashback

Sort out your clutter and sell unwanted items to turn them into cash! :
do a car boot - people will buy anything
sell books, records, cd’s, games, videos, dvds on amazon
Sell the above plus clothes and more on ebay
You can also list books on greenmetropolis.

Saving pin money on your shopping bill

Look out for bogof’s (buy one get one free) on things you usually buy and add the cost of the free one to your pin money.

Take a pack lunch to work, instead of buying sandwiches. Put the money you save to your pin money.

Your grocery budget can definitely be reduced. Check out the grocery challenge on the old style board. Basically for the first month keep a note of everything you spend, even the nips to the local shop for bread, milk papers etc. this will give you a true cost of what you spend every month. Next challenge yourself to reduce it, do this in stages and don’t go so far as to struggle. Try reducing it by £10 or £50. You may even beat the target you set yourself. Then next month try reducing it again. You’ll be amazed at how little some spend and how good they still eat. Any money you save can go to your pin money.

Look out for coupons in your paper, check out the online & offline discount board on this thread for links to coupons you can request online. Many shops take them even when you don’t buy the actual product. Try emailing their head offices for their policy on coupons, then you can print out a copy to take with you when shopping. These saving can be put to your pin money.

Reducing your grocery bill

Firstly check your cupboards and freezer. Are they bulging? If so why not try the store cupboard challenge. Basically just use up everything in the house before you do another big shop. Only buy the essentials and perishables, like veg, fruit, bread & milk. To do this successfully take an inventory of all foodstuffs and then meal plan with what you have. The money you save on not shopping for the week/ month can go to your pin money.

When you go shopping make a list and stick to it - stops impulse buys.

Own brands: if you always buy branded goods look at the alternatives. Tesco have a 100% guarantee if you don’t like an own brand and asda have a 200% guarantee on own brand products. Try the other versions out there, quite often they are made for the supermarkets by big companies. If you like them then try the value brands and save even more money - some of these are excellent and the quality and taste can vary depending on the retailer.

Reduced stuff: always check out the reduced sections in your store. Main point is only buy stuff you will use and not end up buying then chucking out. Most rduced items can be frozen if you are not able to use them that day. Most stores make the biggest reductions near closing time, but some do it throughout the day.

Home shopping; this is particularly good if you are prone to impulse buys. Quite often there are discount codes on this forum which pay for the cost of delivery.

Fixture ferrets & mad about bargains; are both two great websites which tell you who has what offers on that month

Aldi & lidl - check these out as they stock fab quality stuff at great prices. Plus every Thursday they have specials on loads of items furniture, tools etc, might keep your wife happy.

Cooking from scratch - you say you do this already, but look at ways to reduce costs by cooking in bulk and freezing meals.

Cheaper cleaning methods - check out oldstyle there is loads of ways to reduce your cleaning items cost by doing things old style. Also look at using stores own brand products to save money

Loyalty cards: make sure you are signed up for all that are going and any customer clubs in supermarkets. Eg, tesco have a variety of clubs such as healthy living, which they send you vouchers to save money instore. If you shop in boots make sure you have an advantage card as there are always loads of amazing bargains to be had. There is a thread on the shop but don’t drop thread about boots.

got more to add but will do so soon, good luck and hope the suggestions help.

chardonnay_2

bills

Pay on time - make sure all bills are paid on time and no extra charges are incurred

Special bank a/c? - do you have a premium bank account? The type you pay a monthly subscription for? If so make sure you are using the benefits if not then get rid of it.

Get a list of all direct debits & standing orders- check every outgoing you have. People often have items on their statements they are not sure what they are. Eg, Make sure you are not paying insurance for things you no longer own. Check all the outgoing are there any for services not being used?

Reuctions for paperless billing - for utilities make sure you are getting all relevant discounts for prompt payment or paperless billing, or reductions for paying by direct debits.