how to get wife to support my budgeting activity

margaretclare

Hi

Sorry about my mention of 'car as lifestyle statement' - someone else had said this and I picked up on it. Judi's mention of waking up in the bedroom and saying she couldn't stand it any longer tickled me because there have been many, many mornings when I've woken up and said the same thing. It has happened eventually, but we've never had the luxury of being able to do the whole house in one go.

You are lucky if your kitchen is in solid wood - it's possible to do a lot, either repainting, stripping and varnishing, you don't need to rip the whole lot out and start again (what a waste of trees).

It seems to be a very common problem that one party has had the famous 'lightbulb moment' and the other one goes on his/her merry way 'in denial'. Like the USA denying that global warming is real! It's very, very difficult to live in a relationship where two partners have such opposite views about something as fundamental as money.

You've had a lot of excellent advice and I can't really add anything. Good luck!

Aunty Margaret

Savvy_Sue

Had a thought about keeping the heating on all night, which isn't possible even on the coldest nights in my house as my DH would overheat and not sleep. At the very least turn the thermostat down when you go to bed and see if she notices.

For Christmas, buy her a really warm dressing gown and furry boot-style slippers "for those nights you have to get up for the children, dear".

And say that YOU will get up for the children for a week or so, heating off. If they regularly wake, they might find daddy less appealing anyway! (I realise this won't work if she's still breastfeeding, of course, but maybe you could go and get baby for her.)

Also mpg on our Yaris: our journey to work is a stop start crawl. We only got the mileage up to 45+ mpg over the summer, when we did a LOT of long motorway runs. BUT it hasn't reduced significantly since we've been back to the crawl. You do have a fuel hungry car: there are lots out there which will better this, AND you'll be greener. A good site for car stuff is Honest John if you want to do some research.

Although TBH if it's only a mile to school it would do your eldest (and your wife) a lot of good to walk it. I know you say she runs errands as well, but truly, there's a lot of benefit to children from walking to and from school. You may be able to sell it that way rather than from the moneysaving point of view ... (Devious? Me? Never!)

margaretclare

Savvy_Sue wrote:

Had a thought about keeping the heating on all night, which isn't possible even on the coldest nights in my house as my DH would overheat and not sleep. At the very least turn the thermostat down when you go to bed and see if she notices.

I agree. I absolutely could not sleep if the heating was on all night, I'd get much too hot and sweaty. With a winter-weight duvet on and good insulation, who needs it? The point about the insulation is that the place gets warm and then stays warm, same as in summer it stays cool.

I've heard a lot of older people say they have to have the heating on all night - why, I can't imagine.

Aunty Margaret

mountainofdebt

When you say expert do you mean someone from say the yellow pages, like a personal trainer...becuase if that's the case then I'd be quite happy to come and tell you everything I've learnt just from this site (for an astronmomical fee of course!)

I know you've already stated that you and your wife would be unwilling to appear on TV so suggesting the services of Martin in his tv programme would be a waste of time.

So assuming you're not game for option 1,(pity really as it would help solve my debts!!!) why not get a copy of martin's book and just leave it where your wife will see it? I'm sure after a while she'll have a look just to see what's inside!

Spendless

The 2nd car that is used by your wife- how much is it costing? How much is it needed? What about walking to school. You have mentioned kids activities and them being tired, could these be reduced/changed to somewhere more local to eliminate need for a 2nd car.

Could your wife get a part-time job, in the evenings say- when you are at home so you don't need to pay for childcare. or on a w/end? Is there are family member who could help out with childcare?

(for example i used to work 2 evenings 6-11pm and one sun morning in a convenience store when i had my eldest. I then changed to working in a diy store mon-fri 5-8pm. Hubby changed jobs and was away a lot more so can't do evening jobs anymore but i know work lunchtimes in a school as eldest is at school full-time and my gran has 2 year old whilst i work)

SnowyOwl_2

Hi there again

I owe you an apology regards the assumption I made regards your car...it sounded like you had a fancy 4x4 or something, so I am quite surprised to hear that you have something a lot more sensible and practical, as you're getting so few miles per gallon out of it. Sorry for my comments.

I would definitely suggest your wife walks to the school with your child. I reread your original post and you say it is a mile round trip - not the mile each way I thought you meant originally! A mile isn't terribly far at all, should only take about 15-20 minutes and is free.

Have you asked your wife to plan her spending requirements a month ahead at a time? I suggest this as it seems you are rather deadlocked into the situation where she gets £500 per month then spends to accommodate this sum. If she were to look ahead and work out meal plans/grocery shopping, petrol etc then that may help break this deadlock. (I hope I've got the right end of the stick here...I've assumed that that this £500 is to cover household expenses rather than being her personal monthly allowance...otherwise I'll have to eat yet more humble pie...)

I hope that you and your wife don't start arguing over money. Someone in an earlier thread mentioned that you have very different attitudes to money. It would be great to hear that you can negotiate some changes between you and reach a mutally acceptable compromise.

Savvy_Sue

SnowyOwl wrote:

I would definitely suggest your wife walks to the school with your child. I reread your original post and you say it is a mile round trip - not the mile each way I thought you meant originally! A mile isn't terribly far at all, should only take about 15-20 minutes and is free.

:eek: I misread it too - a mile round trip should only require the use of a car if someone can't physically walk that distance IMO. Your eldest child will benefit enormously from walking - learning roadsense, meeting up with friends on the way, physical exercise etc etc etc.

PLUS avoiding all the aggro of parking the other end! There was a rant going on in Discussion Time about the roads being clogged with parents driving their children to school, it's probably dropped off the first page now, but truly, some people taking part in that would label your wife Public Enemy No. 1 for driving such a short distance!

margaretclare

Hi

Just another thought: getting the best miles-per-litre out of your car is dependent on a few things - like keeping the tyres at the manufacturer's recommended pressure and also driving at the car's optimum speed.

I thought about this yesterday. As it was such a beautiful day we decided to go somewhere and find a nice spot for a picnic. We were driving within the speed limits everywhere, and at no time did we go above 60 mph (no need when you're just out to enjoy a lovely Sunday afternoon) and we were the slowest thing on the road. Everyone was driving as if their lives depended on getting there at the fastest rate - gas-guzzlers and everything. Apparently you get 25% - 30% more by keeping the car to the optimum engine revs, you get best fuel consumption this way. The fuel consumption goes up exponentially, so to get best fuel consumption you should read either the handbook or if it's not stated in the handbook, the manufacturer's website should quote the optimum speeds, engine revs etc.

Using the car just to drive a round trip of one mile to school is going to cost a lot. First, because the engine has barely warmed up by the time you get to school so it's not operating at optimum temperature. Also, it's in traffic so you're stopping and starting all the time.

We recently drove 250 miles up the A1M from Essex to Yorkshire. We didn't exceed 60 mph the whole way, we got there pleasantly and safely, without mishap and without hassle. And we averaged 60 mpg in total.

All that others have said about not walking short distances is true, but unfortunately, it doesn't apply to us. At this moment, in spite of having a bus pass and the bus stopping near the end of our street, I can't even walk that far to catch a bus to our little market town a mile away. But when I was a child, yes, we walked approx 2 miles to the next village to school. I don't know if any child does that now, though.

Aunty Margaret

MPwannasavemoney

If there is a book lying around it will get tidied up along with everything else that has to be kept in its 'proper place'.

MPwannasavemoney

Cost of 2nd car really depends on how long it lasts and how much repair is needed. If we run it until it conks out it costs relatively little in depreciation. If I sell it now I will probably have lost £2000 alone in depreciation. 2nd car is needed - most activities / supermarkets are 2 or more miles away. Even walking 2 miles is not a 'cheap' option - by the time they have walked back home there isn't time left to cook the dinner - have to weigh up money saved against time incurred etc. If we eliminated all the shopping and lessons then maybe the car would not be needed - not sure this would help my wife's depression though as she would feel even more trapped in the house.
I'd be happy if the car was used for a decent journey - e.g. pick up from school and then onto somewhere else. I do the school dropoff on the way to work so it is only the afternoons that are an issue.
Re:getting a job at the weekend/evening - we are looking into this. Big issue is that I cant' guarantee to get home from work at a certain time, plus when I travel on business that will affect the evenings as well as weekends sometimes. Past experience has shown that family members cannot be relied upon.