Desperate, am I in the wrong place?

Forgetmenot68

Thank you too rob and kizzy - got to rush out now but will reply properly later!

Forgetmenot68 xx

Forgetmenot68

Hello

Sorry, I'm feeling tired, overwhelmed and scared all over again. There's so much to do and my tired brain isn't working properly - I keep thinking I'm going to forget something. I should go to bed but there's so much to do - and I'm worried that I'm even more likely to wake up at 4, and I need to be feeling good if I'm going to be discussing salary tomorrow - but the way I feel right now, I'm starting to think my confidence in that happening was misplaced. I feel alone, here, and that everything is on my shoulders. If I can't do it, it'll all fall apart. My husband has let me take over, and he's relaxed. I would just like to be the weak one for a bit and be looked after, especially when I feel like this.

OK, that's enough. I needed to write all that. What a huge superiority complex - of course my husband would find a way to get though this if I couldn't. I need to be in control because actually I feel safer when I am. I know I'm strong, at least I hope I am, but I'm feeling pathetic right now because I haven't slept all week. I'm sorry, I hate self-pity.

I hope everyone else is ok.

xx

lucielle

I know how you feel. I do all the finances and sometimes I wish I could be treated like a princess. I know that it would probably drive me bonkers, but just once. Can you make an action plan for tomorrow then you have something to focus on? Plus when you have done it you have the satisfaction of crossing it out (sad I know).
Princess Lucielle!

debtweary

Ditto for me re:husbands attitude.

I have been the 'strong' one all our married life. Making decisions (except which tv, cd player, computer we buy!) about allsorts.

However I feel most culpability in the financial mess we are in because of my stronger stance in dealing with finances and the one who doesn't stick my head in the sand.

Have spent the weekend jollying him along saying all will be well but I want someone to do that for me.

Your not alone FMN there are millions of us like you but at the end of the day you hit the nail on the head when you said you liked being in charge and so do I.

Your just in a tired dip at the moment and in the morning things will seem different and you will have renewed energy for all the achievements you will reach.

I hope all goes well with the job prospects DW x

count_rostov

I haven't read through the whole thread so I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but could your husband cycle to the station rather than get a scooter? The government runs a tax-free cycle to work scheme (www.cyclescheme.co.uk) which means that an employee's company buys a bike and all safety equipment like helmet, waterproofs, lights, pump, spare tyres etc, and the employee pays the company off over 12 monthly installments from their pre-tax income. This is a really efficient way to buy a bike, I pay £17 a month over twelve months for a bike and gear which is worth just over £350.

Cleosmum

can you get your Talk Talk lower? i have the top package which includes international calls and with free broadband and calls i can get it to £25 pm.

Also, have you checked prices with childminders? £5 ph per child is very high. i know childminders local to me do the first child at £2.70 ph and then £2.50 per sibling.

Groceries: You need to allow more than £200 pm. i had been managing fine on £200 pm for 5 of us (exc pet food) but have been forced to increase it to £250 as it has become such a struggle to get it to £200. My pet budget comes to about £45-£50 a month which is for food and bedding for 1 dog, 3 cats, 3 rats, 1 rabbit and 1 hamster.

Well done on your journey, its going great

kizzykizzywizzy

Forgetmenot68 wrote: »

Hello

Sorry, I'm feeling tired, overwhelmed and scared all over again. There's so much to do and my tired brain isn't working properly - I keep thinking I'm going to forget something. I should go to bed but there's so much to do - and I'm worried that I'm even more likely to wake up at 4, and I need to be feeling good if I'm going to be discussing salary tomorrow - but the way I feel right now, I'm starting to think my confidence in that happening was misplaced. I feel alone, here, and that everything is on my shoulders. If I can't do it, it'll all fall apart. My husband has let me take over, and he's relaxed. I would just like to be the weak one for a bit and be looked after, especially when I feel like this.

OK, that's enough. I needed to write all that. What a huge superiority complex - of course my husband would find a way to get though this if I couldn't. I need to be in control because actually I feel safer when I am. I know I'm strong, at least I hope I am, but I'm feeling pathetic right now because I haven't slept all week. I'm sorry, I hate self-pity.

I hope everyone else is ok.

xx

Come on, no more worrying, I know what it's like to be the one doing everything & yes it's a strain, but I too like the control, I'm not very good at relying on anyone else to do things for me & probably end up doing too much because of this.
I hope you have gone to bed & actually have got some sleep, I find if I have a bad night, I do the same as you & worry about having another bad night & then can't sleep because I'm worrying!
Good luck for tomorrow, & keep your chin up:T

clairehi

Hi FMN, Im sure the last thing you need is another battle but I thinkyou said you are not receiving tax credits as they say you did not make your declaration in time? If you have the energy, I suggest writing to your MP giving details of what happened and asking them to take this up with Tax Credits. MPs queries are dealt with via a special fast track process and Tax Credits have more discretion than they let on. Given the hardship your family are in, they should be paying you whatever you are due.

(My MP got involved in my tax credits dispute and as a result they wrote off our overpayment despite several previous letters to me directly saying that we had to pay it back).

kika

Inspiring thread. Afraid I go on at kids about credit cards too, hope it goes in.

Forgetmenot68

Morning all!

I sank into bed at just after 9, and slept until just before 5 which is heaps better than lots of other nights this past ten days. I feel much better this morning and I'm going to make my action plan. Thanks for kika, clairehi, kizzy, Cleosmum, debtweary and lucielle for your lovely supportive comments. I'm glad I'm not the only woman amongst us who is the organiser! Makes me feel less alone.

Clairehi - Tax credits - thank you, yes I'll get on with that, but I suppose I'm thinking that my status in the IR eyes will change if I start working. But I have to pursue the backdated element. I know I filled the form in over the phone with them on time.

Count rostov - we certainly need to think about that, but my husband at teh moment takes my daughter to the station too and think it's too much for her to cycle 9 miles each way before and after school. A scooter they could both go on in theory and that's somehting to consider. Thanks for your comments.

Forgetmenot68 xx