Desperate, am I in the wrong place?

Jelly_Babies

That's absolutely bloomin fantastic :j :j :j :j :j :j

You must have impressed them so much. What a week you've had you must be so exhausted. Look back on what you have achieved in such a short time in your self esteem, confidence and will power alone and have a huge big glass of wine.

Forgetmenot68

Thank you Jelly Babies - I am really tired yes, but a tiny bit proud of myself too, thanks to you guys. What's keeping me up is knowing I have to put up balloons and birthday banners now for my son's 7th birthday tomorrow (family tradition to wake up to..), and wrap his present. xx

Thank you t.i.a and T.o.h.!! xx

Debtweary - I'll look into holiday clubs at other schools - ours doesn't have one, but I guess they'd still have to get there... I'll work it out somehow.

Forgetmenot68 xx

Seaxwyn

Well done Forgetmenot!!! And good luck for tomorrow - both for the video interview (scary) and the 7th birthday (even scarier).

You should be able to get a list of registered childminders from your local council. Look at that option as well - if you're working a long day it might be easier for your children to be in a home-type environment than a holiday club (which may not last all day anyway).

And if they offer you the job - do hold out for more money. Explain that you simply can't afford to work for less what with childcare etc. If they want you they may be able to stretch and if they can't, well at least you'll know you tried.

Forgetmenot68

Thank you Seaxwyn - ooh I was awake at 4.30 worrying about negotiating the salary - we added up last night how much childcare would cost... about £5/hr per child (3 children) for an hour and a half, five times a week for a childminder... takes a huge chunk our of what they're offering to pay. I talked to a friend last night, who wrote my CV and trains people to get back to work, interviews etc, and she told me I had to decide on 3 numbers - first the minimum I'd want to be paid, second the figure I'd be happy with and thirdly my "ecstatic" number! I went online to look at similar jobs to get an idea of salary, and what they're offering is too low. I've just got to summon the confidence to ask for more... and be prepared to walk away if they don't offer the minumum... Scary...._pale_ But they may not even offer me the job and I'm jumping the gun! I have to get through this afternoon first!

I need to look at altternative childcare too, and will look at the council website. A responsible teenager from the local school who finishes 15 mins earlier than mine could pick them up and look after them for 90 mins maybe? I'm only 5 mins away myself in an emergency...

xx

debtweary

Morning FMN

If you are negotiating salary, negotiate hours too. Work aroung the children if childcare is difficult. You will be surprised how flexible employers are. When I went back to work 5 years ago there were no school clubs and I asked for child friendly hours and they agreed. Perhaps you could start earlier and your OH could take them to school and then you finish early to pick them up or vice versa. Sounds simplistic but many families work like this

Good luck with all today x

babyharry5

Hi there
gosh you've had me in tears again reading this thread!
don't even know you - yet I do - if that makes sense!
Hope int goes well/ or has gone well today??
keep us all updated and as hubby said it has definitely been a weird week but a bloomin fantastic one!!
You have achieved so much in a very short space of time - just think about how you felt when your wrote the first post and how you are feeling now!!
All in the mindset - keep positive!

sharon x

James123_2

Hi there,
I've been following your post & can't help but feel profound sympathy. It's hard enough in itself to lay bare your financial difficulties to strangers. However, to share the news of your own family tragedy must be painful beyond words. I think we can all learn something from your experience and humility.
I don't have any outright practical help (although I'd look to chop that car insurance and water bill down) but here's a thought .....
IF neither of you had a job then you would probably be better-off given the favourable tax credits regime and the outright help you'd get with grossly unfair Council Tax regime and, ultimately, interest payments on your mortgage. I'm not suggesting you throw yourself at the mercy of the State (and I'm sure this would be averse to your own instincts) but, perhaps there's a half-way house here. With so many children TC would compensate for lack of income and save on your huge travel bill. I'm probably being crazy here. However, as someone with a family who has recently lost their income due to cancer, I was politely surprised at the lack of real difference between working for £30k (your husband's income) and 'working' (my pension) for £9k & having this topped-up with CTC.
Call me crazy, but I inferred from your emails that time and concern for your children were clearly at the top of your agenda - one of the reasons why so many contributors have warmed to you!
As for your house, keep it & rent a room out tax-free for up to £4250??

Merlot

James123 wrote: »

Hi there,
I've been following your post & can't help but feel profound sympathy. It's hard enough in itself to lay bare your financial difficulties to strangers. However, to share the news of your own family tragedy must be painful beyond words. I think we can all learn something from your experience and humility.
I don't have any outright practical help (although I'd look to chop that car insurance and water bill down) but here's a thought .....
IF neither of you had a job then you would probably be better-off given the favourable tax credits regime and the outright help you'd get with grossly unfair Council Tax regime and, ultimately, interest payments on your mortgage. I'm not suggesting you throw yourself at the mercy of the State (and I'm sure this would be averse to your own instincts) but, perhaps there's a half-way house here. With so many children TC would compensate for lack of income and save on your huge travel bill. I'm probably being crazy here. However, as someone with a family who has recently lost their income due to cancer, I was politely surprised at the lack of real difference between working for £30k (your husband's income) and 'working' (my pension) for £9k & having this topped-up with CTC.
Call me crazy, but I inferred from your emails that time and concern for your children were clearly at the top of your agenda - one of the reasons why so many contributors have warmed to you!
As for your house, keep it & rent a room out tax-free for up to £4250??

You are too also in my thoughts, having someone in the family with cancer is never an easy thing to deal with.

However, I must add, that the OP will not benefit from living off the state, she will be in a far worse situation and to be quite frank the state is there incase of financial hardship, in your case an illness, the OP and her husband are not ill, they are both fit and well.

Merlot.x.

Forgetmenot68

Thank you debtweary, sharon, James123, Merlot and everyone. It means more than I can possibly tell you here to know you are rooting for me.

Sharon, sorry I made you cry. I know absolutely what you mean about feeling that we know each other on here - it's easier to be completely honest on an anonymous board where you know (hope) that you won't be judged, or at least if you are then it will be done gently with the aim of helping you to see something. I can't believe how different things seem this week. Thanks to all of you I've been able to see ways to help us. I couldn't possibly have done that on my own. My debt has increased dramatically over the past week, but it's a debt of gratitude to this board and the people on it. Sorry if that sounds corny, but I mean it.

James - thank you so much for that. Regarding the state, as you suggested, I wouldn't want to take someone else's safety net when me and my husband are fit and well. It does make you think though. I'm making (I hope) the fact that I will be working a positive thing for the children. I'll be back before their teatime, but also I want to be a good role model for them - for my daughters to see that women, too, can have good jobs, but mainly in that they should all see that in tough situations there are solutions through any problem, if you can just get out and find them. Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and hope that you find a practical way to cope. Thoughts are with you. xx

Well, the interview.......! It was the toughest one I've ever had to do. Videolink to the General Manager at French office, who was less than easy - coupled with the bizarre medium and not being able to see his face well, he asked very tough questions and not exactly kind! But I think I did OK, and though it was an interview style I've not had to cope with before, it seems that he is a great boss, and I was well supported by the UK sales director who would be the person I would report to directly. We still have to discuss salary, but he knows how I feel and has given an indication of how he stands, and I'm sure we can find common ground should it come to a job offer. In any case, there are other options jobwise and at the very least this episode has given me a huge confidence boost, whatever the outcome. I'll hear early next week....

Forgetmenot68 xx

Seaxwyn

Well done Forgetmenot - it sounds like you've done very well. I hope you can relax and enjoy the weekend.

I really like what you said about showing your children that there are solutions through any problem. I think that's what I try to show mine too, but I've never been able to express it so well.