Has my partner ruined our future?

jojo2201

DD - let me make one thing clear, I am not asking if I should leave my bf or not, I am asking how does he get out of this situation with as little damage as possible to our future. He's 31 years old and this is the first time he's been in debt like this (I have seen his credit reports) so I hardly think he's going to bankrupt me!

Basketcase is correct, it's not what you're saying which is getting my back up, it's the way you're saying it, I'd appreciate it if you calm down on the sarcasm, remember I've done nothing wrong.

jojo2201

Check your facts DD, the title of my thread is "Has my partner ruined our future?"

Poosmate

Hi Jojo and welcome back.

I for one must apologise for my knee-jerk reaction. I think we are all capable of jumping to conclusions given a snippet of information. As we have all had different experiences we are going to react to statements in different ways. I posted my experience so I hope you can understand my immediate reaction.

Having followed this thread I realise now, knowing more of the facts, that you are an established couple who are planning a future together and if this is the only problem you both encounter together you will indeed be very lucky.

I hope you can sort it out together and I hope your guy realises what a gem he has found in you. I also congratulate you on having the strength to admit and face your demon of denial. I am guessing that you have both learned lessons from this experience.

I would also say to DD that there are actually 3 camps here. Those who have been well and truly done over and left to pick up the pieces alone, those who have hidden the truth but face up to their problems and ask for their partners help and support and finally those who discover their partner's "mistake" and "stand by their man" (or woman) for want of a better phrase.

Like I say, I hope you get it sorted and am so please you came back so we can try to help in a more constructive way rather than an emotional way. (I've got PMT, I wonder what DD's excuse is. lol).

Best of luck

Poo

Poosmate

DD, Leave her alone!

Jojo is new to this site, her only "crime" is that she is inexperienced in how to word a title and first post without getting ripped appart!

I'm sure she has well and truly learnt her lesson now thanks to you. Consider your work here done and please leave!

Jojo is now continuing her relationship with her OH with her eyes wide open. I think she realises from all the posts, the pitfalls of discovering a partner's unpaid debt and her deep down denial of the situation.

Now can we draw a line under that bit and move on with our lives.

All the best

Poo

GeorgeUK

Baaaaaaaah Humbug!!

Jojo, he could request a copy of the customer credit agreement (CCA) if the debt has been passed to a debt collection agency (DCA), then if they provide the required documents, there are templates available for him to make arrangements for a repayment plan. If they can't provide the CCA then the debt is unenforcable outside of court. He may also be able to offer a reduced settlement if he has any savings (doesn't sound like it, but it's worth suggesting).

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newsgroup_monkey

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

Oh poo, you've let the shepherds herd you back into the flock. It's so disappointing, it really is.

<snipped carp>

Deep down, I know that you still believe that he's a 'wrong un'. It's a shame that people don't have the courage of their conviction on this website... tut tut.

That's a bit judgemental isn't it? Noone's being Forum police here. Just pointing in the right direction.

The OP has already pointed out (and I'll repeat it again) that she hasn't been put "ON" the debt, but she's been added as a "CONTACT".

She also said that she hasn't got any joint debt and won't get any joint debt together until he's sorted it out. Sounds like commonsense to me.

I've read some posts on here where people have debts and they've had to admit this to their partner. Usually, the partner will back them up. That's what a partner does. It's called support (incidentally, that's what this 'ere forum is for)

Whatever my ex-wife did or didn't do, her hidden debts weren't the reason we split up (like the OP, I suspected, but didn't actually know the full story until after we split up)

I'm not sure what's made some people so bitter round here.

zakaya

I'm with DD on this one and I only wish I'd someone like him to advise me.

Of course you have to support and help a partner but the're some people you can't help and they will only drag you down with them. I hope I'm wrong, but speaking from experience I would tell you to run and keep on running. Your bf can change but only if he wants to and if your not careful your life with him will be full of misery, regrets and heartache.

tealady

Hi. If I may quote my dear old Dad who used to say "He who has never made a mistake has never made anything" We have all done things we regret but the true proof of being an adult is not in making mistakes but learning from them. His debt is something you can both learn from, why he got into debt and how he gets out of it.
Whatever you (and I mean both of you) decide it's YOUR life and you must decide for yourselves whether this is make or break.

In_Search_Of_Me

jojo2201 wrote: »

Hi, wondered if someone can help, my boyfriend took out a loan a few years ago with welcome finance, it was for £3000 with a stupid interest rate of about 40%, I was unaware that he stopped paying it about a year and a half ago, I knew he was receiving calls which he just wasn’t answering because he didn’t know the number and I suspected it was to do with debt. I found a text from his mum last week saying she’d had debt collectors at the door for him. I’m now extremely worried,.

Firtsly I'm sorry that this thread seems to have turned into a who can score the most points...its unhelpful & when someone is panicky and upset is the last thing they need. Nothing to do with bleating sheep DD - just people trying to help someone who needs help rather than being wound up by someone mocking & clearly enjoying the spectacle..

I answer to the basic question jojo have you now sorted out how much the debt is, who to, what APR/Owing & how long for? Your BF needs to sort the basics out & I'm sure the automatic response would be (if you can) to pay it off for him but I wouldnt because the lightbulb moment will be delayed because the panic wont be there for him! He needs to realise that he is in serious trouble and sort it or the pattern will continue.

If you have a realistic future (something that it obviously your choice!) then I would suggest that you use this time to test whether he can change and take responsibility for his actions. Support him emtionally & practicaly through it but not financially...If he cant change then you would be wise to think carefully about the future and even more carefully about being financially linked in any way...

Hang in there & keep posting Hugs for you!

Lula-Hula

Hi jojo,

just want to wish you luck with sorting out the debt problem. I'm not going to make any judgement on your b/f, only you know deep down whether you really do trust him.

If this is a one off blip for your b/f then there is no need to heed DD's warnings. If, you know deep down that you have doubts then please absorb all DD's words.

I had the experience of being utterly 'done over' financially by a previous partner & although I now view the situation as an experience in which I learned some very hard & also very valuable lessons, had I had a Dithering Dad around at that time who would have cut through the emotional stuff I was going through & slapped me with the facts, then I would now have £4,000 less debt.

Wishing you & your b/f the best of luck
Lula