HELLO From New Zealand

chevalier

something memory girl said on her new thread resonated with me. you have to start from now. you can't go on about what might have been.

don't know quite how it is going to move me forward, but it is something to think about!

Itsadogslife_2

I agree Chev, there is no point dwelling on the past and the ifs, buts and maybes. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you can't change anything that has already happened and so you are better putting your energy into the future

chevalier

I guess Itsa, you have to think what does dwelling on the past get you? If it makes you sad, unhappy, regretful how is that going to help you going forward.

For example my dad and I had issues going right back to my child hood, but he is dead now and I can't talk them through and even when I did it just hurt me more. So now I am going to let go of that regret and rewire myself about it if I can. Feel lighter even writing this.
chev

beanielou

How very wise chev.
I wish you well with that.

taxi73

That sounds like a good plan

Keiss_21

Wise words Chev, hope things brighten up for you soon.

Good to hear the St Johns Wort is working. My sister used it when she got depression after our mum died, and a family planning doc suggested that I to use it, as I get really bad PMT, seems to be doing the trick so far.

Good luck with sorting all the boxes...not the most relaxing time...moving house!! Hope you can find space for your mum when she comes out.

We moved here a week before Christmas 16 years ago this year...total madness!! It was to a smaller house and the garden shed we had planned on using was still full of the previous owners junk!!!!

Still, we are happy here, and can't see us moving for a while.

If you have a potential buyer for your UK house, then I'd say go for it. They're talking about 2012 being a terrible year economically, so get your money while you can!

Have fun in your garden, how big is it, and in what state? We are still trying to tame ours 16 years on :o

Sending you lots of (((((hugs)))) this fine sunny winter's morning. x

Karmacat

St Johns Wort can be brilliant - I'm glad you can get hold of it still.

Letting go the what might have beens ... I'm sorry you had such bad times, Chev. Personally, before I can let stuff go, I have to bring it out in full and acknowledge it, grieve it, *then* let it go - without it, I just feel like I'm ignoring my real self. If you do it in the right way, whatever the right way for you is, then it really is rewiring the brain. As to talking to your dad, tho, what I'd say is that even though your dad is gone now, you can still talk to the dad you hold in your head, and sort things out with him, to enable your relationship with him to heal, and heal the relationship with your actual dad too. I know it sounds a bit weird, but we all talk to ourselves, after all, don't we, its just using that to help you sort things out.

What do you mean, we don't all talk to ourselves :o:o

Do ignore if this isn't helpful, I just wanted to share my two'pennorth.

GreyhoundAngel

Totally sympathise with the box scenario Chev ... I'm still under siege despite my good intentions ... best laid plans and all that

chevalier wrote: »

something memory girl said on her new thread resonated with me. you have to start from now. you can't go on about what might have been.

don't know quite how it is going to move me forward, but it is something to think about!

What might have beens ... I liken it to quicksand ... it can suck you in and pull you under - suffocating

chevalier wrote: »

I guess Itsa, you have to think what does dwelling on the past get you? If it makes you sad, unhappy, regretful how is that going to help you going forward.

For example my dad and I had issues going right back to my child hood, but he is dead now and I can't talk them through and even when I did it just hurt me more. So now I am going to let go of that regret and rewire myself about it if I can. Feel lighter even writing this.
chev

I do go back to the past - but I try hard not to dwell on what can't be changed.... work on what can be changed (however small that change might be) ... try to learn something from it if I can .... and when things in the "now" aren't looking too rosey - I try to draw strength from knowing I've come through other hardships and they didnt break me :A

As for people I've got / had issues with ... if they're people I can no longer make personal contact with (for whatever reason) - I write to them, seal it in an envelope & post it to them c/o my own address.

When I receive it back I stick it un-opened in a folder, then dont look at it for a few months. When I feel I'm ready, I open the letter and if I don't "feel" anything, I know I'm over it and then I burn it. If not, I do it again until it feels right. :A


Angel xxx

chevalier

Greyhound Angel thanks for the idea, will give it some thought.

So good things, I am doing a bit of my course, and moving forward with it. It really IS simple stuff, but I keep CBA'ing with it lol. Still progress made.

Kids are off and in holiday club today, so I can get some studying done.

Is it wrong to be upset your OH doesn't get you xmas presents? And what is more galling, I always make sure that I take the boys to get him an xmas present, but does he ever do the same? nope so my boys don't get anything for me, and they aren't switched on enough to know that they should....

Sorry for the rant. I have a headache.

My mum is here now. I managed 3 weeks before we had an arguement. She does my head in a bit to be honest. She can't just stay in she has to go out everyday. No matter what. I am sorry to say if feels like she is Banquots Ghost from Macbeth, following me around. I have had to say to her, that actually I want some time on my own and be blunt about it. Because otherwise we would be really having an issue.

It doesn't help that the house we are in now, is not a few minutes from the beach. I was hoping she would still go for longer walks but hasn't yet SIGH. No I can't just go off with you mum, I have a house to run, and study to do , children to keep on the straight and narrow.

We did say to her when she came out TWO WEEKS EARLY, that we wouldn't be able to spend much time with her, and then she is surprised, when we are still running around all over the shop, and can't spend much time with her.....We also said that we hoped she would take some time to organise some little trips whilst she was here, as I had my studies the boys had clubs to go to, and OH was working. But she arrives, and has she arranged anything NOPE. I show her where a travel agent is, does she use it NOPE. !!!!!! I KNOW I should be glad she is still around etc, but I HATE that she says she will do something and then doesn't.

I really can't cope with her for the whole 12 weeks she is here. So that will be another thing I have to organise then.

And of course all the while the oil tank saga is still dragging along.

We have asked our tenants if they want to buy, they said the would let us know in the new year. Of course we can't tell them why we want an answer RIGHT NOW, because they would use it as a bargaining tool over the price......

Sorry I was determined to be more upbeat, but my unconscious thinks otherwise.....

Karmacat

You're dealing with such a tough hand at the moment, chev, and I'm so sorry to hear it. Of course you want a Christmas present from your OH! Of course its difficult to cope with a visit from your mum of 12 weeks! She's still grieving, I would assume, so being very young in her behaviour, must be really difficult. I hope you *can* find some alone time.