HELLO From New Zealand

Buffythedebtslayer

I wish I had seen this Chev, we just did a whole thing on bullying at my school, but it sounds like is ok now.

I am up doing surveys before you wonder why I am awake at this ridiculous hour(Delieverance is on TV disturbing movie!!)

At least the school noticed I guess and it sounds as if once he knew what it was he won't do it again. I'd invite the kid round too if you could??

must go to bed now

take care hon xxxxx

Seaxwyn

I'm glad to hear it has been dealt with, and it sounds as if your son has learned an important lesson. Really hope it is in the past now. Hope all is well otherwise and look forward to hearing more of your news soon.

Raini

Wow what a journey! I'm so impressed with your reaction to your DS behaviour, it could have been so easy just to defend him & make excuses. Although I'm very sure that he didn't mean it ...

How's life now? x

chevalier

This is going to be long so bear with me

Oil leak saga - short version, our UK heating oil tank leaked, the Ba**ards known as A*A decided after doing all of the work and appointed loss adjusters etc that they weren't liable. Leaving us with at least a 40K bill for next doors clean up. This is at solicitors currently. They have ran it past a barrister who basically says its 50 50 whether they would find against or for you in court....Court !!!!!!? Thought it would go to the ombudsman first, ie get A*A to pay for it. SIGH. So now I am waiting for my OH to read the report.

Thing is it has been over 2 years since the initial oil leak, and nearly 2 years since A*A decided they wouldn't pay. We have never been told that the other parties insurer are adding interest to the alleged amount owed, so that 40k has already depreciated, so the evil part of me thinks, just drag it out....

But then I worry. In the solicitors email she talks about what would happen with court if we had to come back to testify. So that means it is a full court hearing? Holy cow! Thought it would just be depositions and our experts against their experts, not that we would have to come back to the UK.

And what is the worst that could happen? They would put a charging order on the house i guess. Or we say we can only pay it off in installments or something. As we are out of the country I don't see there is anything else the insurer could do? Wol2 maybe you have some ideas about this mate?

As for New Zealand. I have found some things genuinely shocking here. The attitude to domestic violence and child abuse for one thing. It is like being back in the 70's Uk here for both these things. They had one case here where a little girl was abuse by being tumbled dried (yes i really mean that) as well as hung up outside on a washing line. Yes the abuse the perpetrators did was terrible. But what was worse was that her being hung up on the washing line WAS WITNESSED by someone. When he was asked in court why he didn't report it, he said IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. Like WHAT:mad:? This rather explains the problems below with baby sitters..... in a way.

Well we have been in our rented house for a year now and in the country for just over that. What do I think about it all? Hmmm. Well when we were coming we had a friend here who told us alot about it. But she was living in a rural area. So she was saying about how people come around and introduce themselves, and that you get invites so you get to meet people etc.

BUT she has a job that means she works till late on the weekend, so we have hardly seen her and her partner. And people come round to introduce themselves? Have they hell. They are all old. And unfortunately got on really badly with my landlady when she was living here. She i must say is lovely, but they didn't approve of her being a solo mum, and having lodgers. They thought she was being a pro if you see what I mean. And it think the snottiness has stuck.

It also means that there are no children near by for mine to make friends with so that has been a real downer too. At the end of last month, I had one boy at DS's school ask me why my son wasn't allowed round other peoples houses to play. It all came out then that DS1 had just assumed that I wouldn't say yes, so had never asked. :eek::eek: Talk about upsetting. So we have now had one person round our house (despite me being ill at the time and in bed). Just to show willing.

But have I made any friends, well one, and she is an ex pat like myself. Am I really wrong to assume that I might have got invites for coffee or something by now? I sometimes don't know whether I am being too paranoid for want of a better word, because of my depression (more on that later), or whether I really am being ignored.... I mean they are pleasant enough but I never seem to get further than hello....So that has been really hard for me.

It has also meant we have hardly been out without the boys, because I have no friend network to ask them to baby sit. Yes I could just pick a teenager off the board in the supermarket, but how do you decide if they are ok or not. And again when I ask the same mums, they virtually all have family to come babysit, or the next door neighbours teenager (so they are being backed up by their mum being just next door if something goes wrong), not using strangers. SIGH. I really don't know how to get around this problem, but I feel we are missing out on OH and me time. And so this is no better than the UK, cos his job meant we hardly spent any time out on our own there either..

On the other hand. The boys have finally settled in. DS2 did so pretty much straight away. DS1 has taken till now really. He really missed his friends in the UK at the beginning, and it trashed his reading level as well. He is now nearly where he should be - just 3 levels behind or so. So hopefully by the end of the year, he should have caught up. But it breaks my heart to see him struggle so much with his reading. DS2 is a natural reader, and though 2 school years behind DS1 here, he is only 4 levels behind with his reading.

However DS2 has gone backwards with being dry in the day. And that is a realy stresser for me and his class teacher. I mean he ends up not changing out of wet clothes and ends up minging by the end of the day. I worry he will start getting picked on because he is smelly.... Though none of that so far. Added to that he has a habit of getting upset when he isn't winning a game and running off, and again you get a stressed mum.... He knows he shouldn't do it, but does anyway.

Are these boy things anyone? They have had some great things happen like being able to play loads of different sports due to it being so much cheaper here, and so much more available. They have got into soccer in a big way, plus will start playing touch rugby in a few weeks. They do swimming lessons as well etc so that has all been a plus. DS2 I think will be a natural soccer player if he keeps it up. He really does have flashes of skill. Just needs to put them all together now lol. DS1 has discovered hockey and has really enjoyed that too, and is just about to join sea scouts. (Of course it is muggings here who pretty much does all the running around for this, as well as ensuring they have enough clean kit to do it in)

As you know immigration have been a continuing bug bear of mine. Well the latest one is that instead of giving me a 3 year work permit (which would give me plenty of time to apply for residency which takes about 18 months to process), they only gave me a 1 year permit. I mean come on can't they flipping do the maths? it is so frustrating for me. I just want to be able to enjoy living out here and not worrying about one of the above is that really too much to ask? So this time I am not going to phone I am going to write and ask them to put it right.

All of the above means that the depression medication is still with us.SIGH. I was hoping to be off this by now. It is only one tablet, and I do feel more like my normal self, but having got this high up the staircase out of depression, I don't want to come off the tablets, and spiral back down, because of one of the stressers above getting too much for me.

I can really relate to Wol2's duvet days - I have times when I would like to do this, but I am never 'allowed', there is always a demand on my time. It isn't anyone's fault eg my OH works very hard and long hours (though not as long as in the UK thank god), so is very tired, so lies in or whatever just don't happen when I need them. He has never really understood how the depression has made me feel so that is very hard. He has just coped with it as best he can, but not really been supportive on an emotional or psychological level.

Things would have been better if things in the UK hadn't been so tough. One of my very best friends had a terrible end to 2008 - being very ill, and her little one, and then having the most traumatic break down of her marriage. And I am over here, when I want to be over there on the end of the phone for hours helping her over it. I can't really afford to phone from over here and she doesn't have skype. It has been so distressing not being able to be there for her.....

We have been invited to a wedding in Europe next spring (european spring that is lol), so we will be heading back that way in 2010. But I have to say that I am worried that once we hit Uk, and see all our friends etc ( both us and the boys), that I might just think fcuk it, I wanna stay in the UK now waaaaah! I have been told you have to give it 2 years in a new country before you can really say you have given it a good go, so that will be june 2010. So spring 2010 will be close to 2 years......

I have just got to HOPE that it starts getting better.

SORRY that this has been so much of a winge. I really wish I could have enjoyed this first year more, the town I am living in is lovely. And the school is very modern with good teachers etc. It is just everything else that is difficult. I will stop here for now lol

hugs to all
chev

lucielle

Hugs to you Chev. I hope things turn around. Enjoy the summer. Can you invite other mums to yours first? I find it difficult to make friends, so know how you feel.
L

Seaxwyn

Hi Chev, thanks for the update and I'm sorry to hear things aren't immediately working out how you may have dreamed.

I felt the same about unfriendly neighbours when I moved to Surrey 7 years ago. Nobody talked to me, nobody invited the kids round, it was a huge shock after London where I had a big network of friends. People are still quite unfriendly, but I make a big effort to invite children round and over time have found a few friendlier mums. Keep on and I'm sure you will eventually find some friends.

I'm sorry to hear about the boiler stuff. NIGHTMARE! Nothing I can say except to fervently hope it will all work out.

It sounds as if you are having a tough time. Where are you in NZ? I have some Brit friends who have recently moved out there with a 3-year-old daughter, if they are anywhere near you I could try to put you in touch.

It sounds as if you are having a trying time

chevalier

thanks guys for the support. I guess i was just hoping that there would be more interaction with the mums at school....but no luck just yet.

ho hum will have to try again i suppose
chev

Wol2

Hi Chev:hello::hello:

Congratulations on getting through the first year despite all the trials and tribulations. When I was "re-located" after the flood and moved into a totally new area some 60 miles away for a year, I found it difficult to make friends so know how you feel :grouphug::grouphug:. And as I'm sure you also know, the best emotional support at that time for me came from everyone here on DFW ........a virtual famly not to be underestimated;) We are all here for you too my dear.:D

It's a shame that people these days are backwards about coming forwards.....sign of the times I suppose....and it does seem to me that people nowadays look to you to make the first move before they will "engage". Perhaps you could invite some of your neighbours round one afternoon or evening for a "get -to-know-you" session (to dispel any of the myths ) and/or do the same for your childrens school friends?


Reference the insurance: The correct procedure would be to write a formal complaint to your insurance company asking them to reconsider covering the cost and settling the outstanding amount with the neighbour's insurers and asking for their FINAL RESPONSE. Once you have a final response letter, you then make a complaint to the Ombudsman (within 6 months of the date of the final reponse letter) stating what you want the insurance company to do to set things right. The Ombudsman can;t take on the case if it is already going to court, but you can still go to court after the OMbudsman rules if you are unhappy with their decision.

Without any further details, I have to say I'm a bit worried about what your solicitors are doing and how they are handling things - and how long this has been going on - (especially since you say it is nearly two years since the insurers said they wouldn;t pay - was that a final reponse letter in response to an offical complaint?) It does sound like they are dragging things out (are you covered for legal fees on an insurance policy?) as the proceduee should be relatively simple - written complaint to insurers, then complaint to Ombudsman and only after this do solicitors and courts get involved. PM me if you'd rather with any more info.

So hang on in there Hun....you have done extremely well moving to the other side of the world and starting to buld a new life for yourself and your family. :TThis last year you have "consoldiated" and survived....which is what most people do in a totally new situation. Now you can start to build. Things will gradually fall into place but it will take perhaps a longer time than you had anticipated. Baby steps....and see if you can incorporate some "me" time treats ....doing something you enjoy that strengthens your soul....be it a walk, a long hot bath, a visit to a garden centre......or just sitting outside with a cuppa with the sun on your face and enjoying the moment ( I used to do a lot of that on duvet days )

...and don;t forget you've got us here to support you and walk with you every step of the way. Onwards and upwards Hun :beer::beer:
Much love
Wol2
xxxx

chevalier

Well it is christmas hope everyone has had a good one. Will type more when I can think of anything interesting.

Just wishing you a great new year too
chev

System

Happy Xmas Chev hope things are well in the land of down under