Dad wants to disown me as i changed my name!

mrcow

Spendless wrote: »

None of this excuses the OP's father disowning him btw;)

I'm sure there are going to be plenty of times ahead when my children will make me want to rip my hair out by the roots (they're already tunring it grey lol :eek:).......but to actually say to your own child that they are not welcome in your house and that they are no longer a part of your family beggars belief.

My only thoughts are that this all has nothing really to do with the name change in particular and the father is just using it as an excuse to lash out because he can't handle the fact that he is not in control of his children or the decisions they choose to make.

His heartlessness is born of frustration and pent up aggression that he can't express any other way.



Good ae btw .....I did refrain at the time saying that I thought that this thread in particular was suited to someone call Rumplestiltskin

Spendless

mrcow wrote: »

.I did refrain at the time saying that I thought that this thread in particular was suited to someone call Rumplestiltskin

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I hadn't thought of that.

oystercatcher

My thoughts on this are that when you think of a name for a child you are , in part, giving them an identity. In changing the name Mutley has rejected the identity given by his parents and asserted his own identity , even though there's no real change I think his Dad has felt a rejection. Maybe he feels Mutley is rejecting his own culture too if he had a foreign name previously. Maybe he feels jealous as Mutley is making positive changes and taking control of his life. He must be pretty insecure to reject his child.

I would never ever disown my children for any reason but I would feel a little 'put out' if they decided to change their names. But hey ho it doesn't really matter.

I guess in time he will come around to the change and accept it or forget about it and use the old name...... give him some space and then carry on , tentatively as normal.

I can see that it's much easier to be called Steve if that's what everyone knows you as rather than having to explain that 'actually my real name is Rumplestiltskin ' to people that don't know you very well anyway but need to see some official papers.
Well done on getting this far , and good luck for the rest of life...

Oystercatcher

mrcow

oystercatcher wrote: »

My thoughts on this are that when you think of a name for a child you are , in part, giving them an identity.

Your identity is who you are, not what you are called.

You are defined by your personality, actions, thoughts, words and feelings, not by some name that someone else thought up for you when you were born.

paddy's_mum

I've had a feeling right from the beginning of this thread that it was not the name change that caused the flare-up but all the other things that Mutley alludes to but does not enlarge upon very much.

Lemontart has probably hit the nail on the head in post 37 where she explains that her falling out with her brother was when he delivered the final straw that broke the back of the already over-burdened camel.

Mutley - if your dad is a bit of a grumbler, and perhaps likes things just so, and sees his word as law - might this upset actually be little to do with the name but a lot to do with how he sees the world and your place in it? Hope it all gets sorted out soon - are there any other family members who might be able to pour oil on troubled waters on your behalf?

mutley74

mrcow wrote: »

My only thoughts are that this all has nothing really to do with the name change in particular and the father is just using it as an excuse to lash out because he can't handle the fact that he is not in control of his children or the decisions they choose to make.

i think your right here, interest point of view.

oystercatcher wrote: »

My thoughts on this are that when you think of a name for a child you are , in part, giving them an identity. In changing the name Mutley has rejected the identity given by his parents and asserted his own identity , even though there's no real change I think his Dad has felt a rejection. Maybe he feels Mutley is rejecting his own culture too if he had a foreign name previously. Maybe he feels jealous as Mutley is making positive changes and taking control of his life. He must be pretty insecure to reject his child.

I would never ever disown my children for any reason but I would feel a little 'put out' if they decided to change their names. But hey ho it doesn't really matter.

I guess in time he will come around to the change and accept it or forget about it and use the old name...... give him some space and then carry on , tentatively as normal.

Oystercatcher

yes you are correct, i probably felt this way when i named my son. But one has to go along the path that makes them happy and whom they feel secure with. I think my dad just used this as an excuse to have a go at me, as like earlier post he cannot control my life.

As i said i did not choose the career he wanted for me, and some other things in my life did not go to his "plan". But hey thats life- fully of suprises and challenges! Yes i have given up some foreign connections but that was years ago - instead i found (and still searching) my own path of peace and harmony in life. Unfortunately i feel my father compelled to always look at the faults and -ve aspects of his children, never anything positive - just his nature. But this does take its toll on one. Last few days i have been really down, i know my mother was upset i did not give him a father's day card - well how could I, after his outburst last week. To be honest i did not want another confrontation, and found best way is to avoid him for a few days till maybe he calms down.

Plus he always moans at cards, and never appreciate and never wants any gifts (but made sure he got a card from my son).

thanks to you all
mutley

duchy

Sounds to me that your Dad is from one culture but raised you here in another (or at least with a foot in both camps) and if your name change is from one culture to another he's feeling that on some level you are rejecting HIS culture and therefore him too. I think this is fairly common that parents choose to raise their kids somewhere different to their own upbringing but then feel guilt and confusion when the children embrace the society they were raised in and (in the parent's eyes at least) reject some of the traditionas, cultures and beliefs-even though the parents moved her to give the children better opertunities than they had.
My Dad had similar issues and it was really difficult as even he didn't understand fully why he felt that way but when the cultures clashed head on he felt uncomfortable ...and -well-guilty for want of a better word.
In practice your Dad probably understands why you have changed your name.....but then the inner voice is telling him he's somehow failed because you've "rejected" a part of the culture he gave you ?