Dad wants to disown me as i changed my name!

Jamz

Can i ask what the name change was from and to, I'm really intrigued

CB1979_2

don't forget to tell him that you've changed his name from "dad" to "!!!!!!" for the time being.

i'm also intrigued as to what could cause such an outburst

Mojisola

mutley74 wrote: »

He has a few major issues on, but so do we all. Was trying to communicate to him about some other problems to solve, but as usual he likes to change the subject and moan about something else about me. This time about my name change.

It sounds as if it doesn't matter what you do, he'll find something wrong. The name change is probably irrelevant - if it wasn't that, it would be something else.

You may find that you just have to build a shell around you and let his criticism bounce off. Don't let him undermine your self-esteem - it's only sad bullies who behave like this, trying to control others around them. Keep strong!

t_obermory

I can see both sides to this. As a parent I would be upset if my daughter decided she wanted to change her name as its a name my DH and I love and we chose it for her. However if she decides when she's older she really hates it I'm certainly not going to disown her if she changes it - I would probably be privately upset though.

However on the other side of the coin my DH and his brother were lumbered with truly awful names; which certainly contributed to a lot of name calling and bullying when they were at school. I've never really worked out if their parents just didn't think the names through and the impact they'd have on them in later life, or if they just didn't care. As a result of this my DH and I have thought long and hard about what to name our children as although kids are likely to get teased we don't see the need to give the bullies ammunition.

It could just be that your Dad was happy with your nickname but now that its officially your name he's realised that the name he and your Mum chose for you has affected your life and not in a good way, and he may feel guilty about that. Give him some space, send him a Father's day card as usual and hopefully it'll blow over.

CB1979_2

names are the same as religion forced on the child.

if at a certain age the child (however old) decides they no longer want to practice that religion/have that name, then so be it.

only reason it's forced on the kids to start with is cos of the parents "thinking" they know what's best.

i'd have no qualms if my kids decided to change any of their names (i don't have any btw), sure i'd think it a bit silly if they changed it to darth vader or something, but their lives their choice.

southernscouser

To be fair it could have come as a bit of a shock to him if your birth name was Dave and now you're called Claire or something!

geekgirl

Well done to you turning your life around, that is fantastic. If you hadn't have been able to do this your father may not have had you around to call you by your real name or your nickname!

I named my three children pretty unusual names. They are adults now and I always told them if they wanted to change their names they are welcome to do it. But all three of them said they love their names and don't want to change them, now my two grandchildren have unusual names as well.

My youngest son has the most unusual name and he says he likes it cos people always remember him and his name.

I wouldn't be upset if they had chosen to change their names when adults, I was a young adult (21) when I chose those names for my tiny newborns, there is a lot of water under the bridge since then.

Soubrette

t_obermory wrote: »

I can see both sides to this. As a parent I would be upset if my daughter decided she wanted to change her name as its a name my DH and I love and we chose it for her. However if she decides when she's older she really hates it I'm certainly not going to disown her if she changes it - I would probably be privately upset though.

However on the other side of the coin my DH and his brother were lumbered with truly awful names; which certainly contributed to a lot of name calling and bullying when they were at school. I've never really worked out if their parents just didn't think the names through and the impact they'd have on them in later life, or if they just didn't care. As a result of this my DH and I have thought long and hard about what to name our children as although kids are likely to get teased we don't see the need to give the bullies ammunition.

It could just be that your Dad was happy with your nickname but now that its officially your name he's realised that the name he and your Mum chose for you has affected your life and not in a good way, and he may feel guilty about that. Give him some space, send him a Father's day card as usual and hopefully it'll blow over.

I think it's not so much both sides of the argument - more different perceptions of the same truth. In general parents spend a lot of time and trouble choosing a name which often has personal and/or special meanings. Of course we love the names we have chosen - because we wouldn't give anything less than this to the children we love.

However, just because we love the names doesn't mean our offspring will - they may feel, for example, their name is too unusual, boring or does not reflect the person who they are.

I would do the same as t_obermory, change my name, recognise that this will cause some sadness for my parents and so continue to try and maintain a relationship by sending father's day/birthday/christmas cards and see how it develops.

Good luck

Sou

mutley74

southernscouser wrote: »

To be fair it could have come as a bit of a shock to him if your birth name was Dave and now you're called Claire or something!

from Dave to Claire - even i would be worried lol :rotfl:

mutley74

thanks for feedback and support. Yes i suppose can see it from his side of view - hence why i asked my folks formally before. And bc he calls me by my nick name (now formal name) i supposed it would not make a big change to them. My folks dont take a great deal of interest in my life in anycase e.g they never ask what my work actually entails.

got him a card for tommorow - hes too boring to get anything. does not like clothes, tools or eating out.