Dad wants to disown me as i changed my name!

mutley74

i changed my first name recently by deed poll, to the nick name people incl my dad (!) have called me for over 20years+. Today my dad says he is not happy with the formal change and does not want me associated with the family anymore and he does not feel i am his son anymore! I even asked him last year out of courtesy, that i wish to make the legal switch on my first name - he showed no interest or made no comment.

now he's coming out saying he no longer feels i am part of his family, and if he wants to just end the relationship of being my dad. ! I was gobsmacked. not once has he asked why i changed my name or consider other options. I still kept my family surname! he treating me today as if i am convicted drug dealer to kids. I just cant believe his outburst at me and really meaning it in his body language he does not feel he wants to be family with him. I have done nothing wrong at all and just changed my name as its something i really wanted to do for many years, as i really hated my birth name for as long as i can remember.

i am just in shock, and dunno what to do........going to keep away from that man today.

rant over thanks..need to get this off my shoulders....

Uniscots97

:grouphug: sending you a hug. A friend is going through something similar. You did talk to him before you got it done and he made no objection then. I'd let him calm down (if like my friend's Dad then he felt that she was basically saying her Dad's chosen name for her was wrong and then so was the relationship, he calmed down after a while and came round) and then try to talk to him and say to him it's not that you are saying the choice of birth name was bad just you prefer you nickname as everyone calls you that.

elona

It can't just be about the name change as he had the chance to object.

Has anything happened recently that could be making him feel insecure or jealous of you?

The coward's way out would be to say "If it upsets you that much I will change it back!" But do not actually change it.

mutley74

unixgirluk wrote: »

:grouphug: sending you a hug. A friend is going through something similar. You did talk to him before you got it done and he made no objection then. I'd let him calm down (if like my friend's Dad then he felt that she was basically saying her Dad's chosen name for her was wrong and then so was the relationship, he calmed down after a while and came round) and then try to talk to him and say to him it's not that you are saying the choice of birth name was bad just you prefer you nickname as everyone calls you that.

yes i did talk to him and made it clear to him. It was not an easy decision for me to do, but logical as i have asked people to call me at work my nick name, rather than my original weird name, as it was my preference. odd thing is my dad calls me by my nick name all the time.
i am just so made mad now and frustrated. He probably thinks i am made doing it, but its my life and my previous name had no relationship with my identity.
thanks

Penny_Watcher

Flippin' heck:eek:

Just a thought - was your 'old' first name the same as your Granddad's (your Dad's Dad)? That's the only reason I could think of for someone going completely over the top like that. He might have felt (wrongly) that you were somehow disrespecting your Grandfather.

In the end it's entirely up to you to choose to change your name as and when you want. Good for you. :T

mutley74

elona wrote: »

It can't just be about the name change as he had the chance to object.

Has anything happened recently that could be making him feel insecure or jealous of you?

The coward's way out would be to say "If it upsets you that much I will change it back!" But do not actually change it.

in a nutshell, dont think he is happy about me full stop. I did not choose the career he hoped for, and a few other things. he never looks at my life at what i have acheived and done and can do. always you never did this and that....usual moan and groan.
i do think he is in insecure man for a long time, and use that insecurity against his own family i.e me and other family members to show he can be boss.

mutley74

Penny_Watcher wrote: »

Flippin' heck:eek:

Just a thought - was your 'old' first name the same as your Granddad's (your Dad's Dad)? That's the only reason I could think of for someone going completely over the top like that. He might have felt (wrongly) that you were somehow disrespecting your Grandfather.

In the end it's entirely up to you to choose to change your name as and when you want. Good for you. :T

no i got rid of my first name and middle name as it was never used. I have changed my life in past few years from being close to suicide to having a life, and always wanted to renew my identity to what made me feel comfortable with it.

Uniscots97

mutley74 wrote: »

yes i did talk to him and made it clear to him. It was not an easy decision for me to do, but logical as i have asked people to call me at work my nick name, rather than my original weird name, as it was my preference. odd thing is my dad calls me by my nick name all the time.
i am just so made mad now and frustrated. He probably thinks i am made doing it, but its my life and my previous name had no relationship with my identity.
thanks

Let him calm down, as you said your Dad calls you by your nickname all the time anyway. Its probably very similar to my friend's Dad who thought (before he had a chance to calm down) that she was basically saying he couldn't make the right decisions and was turning her back on her family. He eventually came round.

Uniscots97

mutley74 wrote: »

in a nutshell, dont think he is happy about me full stop. I did not choose the career he hoped for, and a few other things. he never looks at my life at what i have acheived and done and can do. always you never did this and that....usual moan and groan.
i do think he is in insecure man for a long time, and use that insecurity against his own family i.e me and other family members to show he can be boss.

You say you didn't choose the career he wanted for you, is he trying to live his life through you? You should be proud of whatever you have achieved.

Penelope_Penguin

Crikey! A friend of mine's in-laws threatened to disown her and their son, as she didn't change her surname on marriage :eek:

Can't win with some people :rolleyes:

I'd advise to do as you think best - parents can be too controlling, and don't realise that their babies are now grown adults.

Best wishes :T

Uniscots97

mutley74 wrote: »

no i got rid of my first name and middle name as it was never used. I have changed my life in past few years from being close to suicide to having a life, and always wanted to renew my identity to what made me feel comfortable with it.

You should be very proud of yourself for wanting to change your life for the better and having the strength to do it. Please don't let your Dad's behaviour dishearten you in any way. Not easy I know but I'm sure he'll come round.