Dad wants to disown me as i changed my name!

Chollita

You are entitled to call yourself what you want, but maybe it's not about the name at all. I wonder if this has been blowing up for a long time, and anything could have set him off ...

Good for you for making your life what you want, sounds like your dad has the problem.

Mojisola

mutley74 wrote: »

in a nutshell, dont think he is happy about me full stop. I did not choose the career he hoped for, and a few other things. he never looks at my life at what i have acheived and done and can do. always you never did this and that....usual moan and groan.
i do think he is in insecure man for a long time, and use that insecurity against his own family i.e me and other family members to show he can be boss.

Sounds as if you've got the answer there yourself - what a difficult situation to live with!

You know your Dad best - would either of these help?
Just ignore things and give him time to come round to it,
OR say but Dad, XXX is what you always call me and I feel better being officially known by the name you prefer to use for me (crawl, crawl!).

CB1979_2

yeah but in fairness officially being called mutley is a strange one! lol

tell him to stop being a d!ck

merlinormartin

Congratulations on your new name! .... did you change it to Mutley :rotfl:

galvanizersbaby

merlinormartin wrote: »

Congratulations on your new name! .... did you change it to Mutley :rotfl:

Sorry I have to ask the same question

mrcow

mutley74 wrote: »

no i got rid of my first name and middle name as it was never used. I have changed my life in past few years from being close to suicide to having a life, and always wanted to renew my identity to what made me feel comfortable with it.

Well that's really positive and your Dad should be happy for you.

Give him a wide berth for a few days. Treat his outburst with the contempt it deserves and just ignore ignore ignore. You're an adult and capable of making your own decisions.

Do you live with him? Or do you have your own place? If the former, then perhaps now is the time to think about moving on. If you live away from him, then your options are slightly wider in that you can give him a few days to cool off and deal with the situation when he's had time to consider how pathetic he is being.

As a parent, I have no idea how someone could say that to their own child over something so superficial.

rumpelstiltskin_2

Do you think he's just miffed that you have changed the name he and your mum choose for you (eg he thinks you're telling him you don't like his taste). I think he'll come round in time. What does your mum think btw?

mrcow

rumpelstiltskin wrote: »

Do you think he's just miffed that you have changed the name he and your mum choose for you (eg he thinks you're telling him you don't like his taste).

Yes, but so what?

A name is just a word (as Shakespeare said lol). When you pick your kids' names, you have no idea how they are going to grow up or whether their names are going to suit them.

A child on the other hand is (or should be) the centre of your life. I can't think of anything that would make me say that I'd disown my children, no matter how old they are. I can't think of anything that would make me want to be so cruel to them and want to hurt their feelings like this.

You can try and justify the father's attitude, but really, the gravity of his actions are indefensible given the circumstances.

mutley74

merlinormartin wrote: »

Congratulations on your new name! .... did you change it to Mutley :rotfl:

no but good idea lol:rotfl:

mutley74

Mojisola wrote: »

OR say but Dad, XXX is what you always call me and I feel better being officially known by the name you prefer to use for me (crawl, crawl!).

i said that to him when he was becoming very heated and intense against me . I said nothing has changed in how you call me, it a simple document change to make it easier how others know me. I am totally confused with his outburst, as i notified him last year that i wished to make the change, and finally got round to doing it recently. Now he has decided to build a chip on his shoulder about. He has a few major issues on, but so do we all. Was trying to communicate to him about some other problems to solve, but as usual he likes to change the subject and moan about something else about me. This time about my name change. I was really sad after his outburst, as no one in my family has said anything +ve about it, only a few friends. But it changes nothing about me, i am not trying to deceive or defraud anyone, or make fun at anyone else. Just a simple forename change to a common name.

thanks to all for replies and support