12 Year Old Daughter - Says She's Mad!

clobber_2

Oh god it's all so horribly familiar. I'm 34 now but I remember like it was yesterday - I thought I was fat, ugly and hateful, that everyone favoured my brother, and everyone I knew was prettier/cleverer/more worthwhile than me.

Looking back now I was a complete babe with a figure to die for but of course I never believed my mum when she said that...

My mum was astonishingly patient but I remember some awful screaming rows. She reminds me from time to time when she wants to really embarass me.

The most helpful thing my mum did was tell me that exams didn't matter, I could always resit them, and she'd love me whatever the results.

pavlovs_dog

Jollygiantswife wrote: »

I asked her what it was all about, and she said she thinks she's going mad. She said she feels so stressed and angry all the time but doesn't know why. She didn't want to talk to me, and I've always encouraged my kids that I'd rather they talk to anyone than no-one if they need help - but she said she was too embarrassed.......

i think its fab that you encourage communication like this.

perhaps one idea might be to buy her a pretty journal, so if she is to embarrassed to talk to a human being, whoever that may be, she can at least get it out of her system, and let off steam. or if she is still of an age where she appreciates stuff toys, why not get her a friend who is always ready to listen, but will never answer back. an elephant is good - they have big ears for listening, after all! if you have a teddybear factory near you you could even get a pretty outfit for it

Paparika

Jollygiantswife wrote: »

Hi,

I don't know what else to try so would love some advice please!

We have a daughter who's just turned 12. She's quite tall for her age (my OH is 6'6""), is extremely bright (without being too nerdy), has lots of friends both at school and out of school, has lots of hobbies and interests and to all that meet her she comes across as an angel :A - and I agree, she can be......when she's asleep!!!

Last night there was an almighty upset. It started over something ridiculous (the way she was eating a yoghurt don't ask......), we knew she was tired as she'd had a late night on Monday and seemingly hadn't caught up. Anyway, it all kicked off with her screaming, shouting and slamming doors so we told her she wasn't going to Guides as she needed an early night.

She then howled (literally) in her room for about half an hour, my OH and I went up at least once each to try to talk to her, but she wasn't having any of it.

Eventually she came down stairs at 8.00pm ready for bed, red-faced, sobbing and I gave her a hug.

I asked her what it was all about, and she said she thinks she's going mad. She said she feels so stressed and angry all the time but doesn't know why. She didn't want to talk to me, and I've always encouraged my kids that I'd rather they talk to anyone than no-one if they need help - but she said she was too embarrassed.......

Nothing has changed over the last 6 months or so. In fact homework levels seem to have dropped a bit and she is still doing really well at school. I know she's hormonal, but sometimes I wonder whether there is something else going on or whether it is just hormones. I don't want to fail her by riding through this and putting it all down to hormones when there could be something else.

Bless her, she's always been a Drama Queen and a little highly strung, but this seems to be something else.

Sorry for the long thread, but any advice / stories of moral support would be greatly appreciated!

This really does sound like hormones...

Stephb1986_2

Hi i can speak from my own experience that when i was 10-14 i just lost it compleatly its something im not proud of and i put my mum through hell, but it does pass. It probably was hormonal, perhaps change some of the things she does like guides as it might be too much for her and she probably needs some relaxing time to herself just to watch telly or read a book.

Dont worry too much

Steph xx

uhuru_2

My 10 yr old DD is going through exactly the same things. Physically she is growing up and the hormones are obviously raging. Yesterday she was terrible, today she has been an angel - it's almost like having two different daughters at times!

No idea how to deal with it other than take one day at a time and try to be understanding. The hardest thing I find is explaining to my OH. He's not her dad and, although he has a grown up daughter, he just doesn't seem to understand at all and just shouts at her.

SuzySu

Have you considered any sort of herbal supplement? I'm thinking particularly of St John's Wort and Evening Primrose - both are natural, non addictive, but made such a difference to my PMT. It takes a little while to build up, but I looked back a few months ago and realised I have not gone off the deep end like I used to, things that made me mad I can overlook.

Do some research online and see whether you think it might help your daughter.

Jollygiantswife

uhuru wrote: »

My 10 yr old DD is going through exactly the same things. Physically she is growing up and the hormones are obviously raging. Yesterday she was terrible, today she has been an angel - it's almost like having two different daughters at times!

No idea how to deal with it other than take one day at a time and try to be understanding. The hardest thing I find is explaining to my OH. He's not her dad and, although he has a grown up daughter, he just doesn't seem to understand at all and just shouts at her.

I know what you mean! It's so difficult trying to stay calm and collected when they're screaming and shouting!

I don't think it matters that your OH is not her dad - my OH is her dad and he finds it difficult too! I keep hearing myself saying - "just leave her" and "don't wind her up" - he just thinks I'm siding with her all of the time, I'm not but sometimes I think it's best not to rise to it - if you know what I mean. :eek:

I think there's a fine line between allowing her to express her anger & frustration (better out than in...) but at the same time making her realise that what she is doing has an impact on those around her too and is not a pleasant thing to witness!

I dunno but from what I can gather from all the fab advice on this thread we're just gonna have to ride it out! I just hope I can stay sane in the mean time!

At least my other one is a boy - I'm quietly hoping that he becomes a moody, silent type of teenager - at least that'll balance it out :rotfl: :rotfl:

Good luck!

turtlemoose

SuzySU, I second your comment on the evening primrose......I remember those days of out-of-control tears/tantrums etc, after a few months of taking evening primrose I was still a horrible teenager (but who isnt!lol) ...but I DID feel much better than before it, much calmer and found it much easier to rationalise a situation before flying off the handle!

Jollygiantswife

turtlemoose wrote: »

SuzySU, I second your comment on the evening primrose......I remember those days of out-of-control tears/tantrums etc, after a few months of taking evening primrose I was still a horrible teenager (but who isnt!lol) ...but I DID feel much better than before it, much calmer and found it much easier to rationalise a situation before flying off the handle!

Do you know I think I might get some - for her and for me too!

It can't do any harm can it and it might just work! :j :j

Thanks so much

whatatwit

Jollygiantswife wrote: »

Do you know I think I might get some - for her and for me too!

It can't do any harm can it and it might just work! :j :j

Thanks so much

Hi, sorry to hear about your daughter's suffering, mine is 15 and we still have these mood swings.
If you are using the Pill, check before taking St John's wort, I think it can affect the effectiveness of the Pill.