12 Year Old Daughter - Says She's Mad!

Jollygiantswife

Hi,

I don't know what else to try so would love some advice please!

We have a daughter who's just turned 12. She's quite tall for her age (my OH is 6'6""), is extremely bright (without being too nerdy), has lots of friends both at school and out of school, has lots of hobbies and interests and to all that meet her she comes across as an angel :A - and I agree, she can be......when she's asleep!!!

Last night there was an almighty upset. It started over something ridiculous (the way she was eating a yoghurt don't ask......), we knew she was tired as she'd had a late night on Monday and seemingly hadn't caught up. Anyway, it all kicked off with her screaming, shouting and slamming doors so we told her she wasn't going to Guides as she needed an early night.

She then howled (literally) in her room for about half an hour, my OH and I went up at least once each to try to talk to her, but she wasn't having any of it.

Eventually she came down stairs at 8.00pm ready for bed, red-faced, sobbing and I gave her a hug.

I asked her what it was all about, and she said she thinks she's going mad. She said she feels so stressed and angry all the time but doesn't know why. She didn't want to talk to me, and I've always encouraged my kids that I'd rather they talk to anyone than no-one if they need help - but she said she was too embarrassed.......

Nothing has changed over the last 6 months or so. In fact homework levels seem to have dropped a bit and she is still doing really well at school. I know she's hormonal, but sometimes I wonder whether there is something else going on or whether it is just hormones. I don't want to fail her by riding through this and putting it all down to hormones when there could be something else.

Bless her, she's always been a Drama Queen and a little highly strung, but this seems to be something else.

Sorry for the long thread, but any advice / stories of moral support would be greatly appreciated!

whitewing

Don't be too quick to write off the periods. I had terrible period pains as a child - my parents wouldn't do anything as they didn't want me on the pill. There is other stuff available now that may help (mefenamic acid helps me with pain and reduces the amount of blood as my periods are heavy).

Otherwise, there are a lot of children around us who are still doing end of year exams, and are quite simply very tired. Sunny weather may mean she is not sleeping as well, and if you're out and about at the weekends maybe she can't wind down.

webitha

i dont think she going mad i think she hormonal sp i was10 when i went thro this and my niece was about the same age as your DD,
they are raging round her body and she cannot control herself or them us woman are the same around that time of month,
just do what my sister did, get a weepie and your DD with a big bar of choccy kick everyone else out of the house:D and have the talk

she fine no need to worry
its just her rite of passage towards womanhood, we have all been there

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I've got 3 daughters and 3 teenage grand-daughters,this is normal behaviour at that age as far as I'm concerned.Poor girl,I think you can say it's the hormones to blame.You just have to ride the storm and be there for her.

churchrat

oh, its started then!!
I don't think there is any reason to worry, just settle down to the long road of teenage girlhood.
Its funny how they are your little darling for 10yrs+ and then almost overnight turn into someone you don't know, but think if you did get to know them you would probably beat them to death with a stick:mad:. You will most likly find that she does this more and more and it will scare her as much as it upsets you. Its a really tough time for all of you, and I suppose the best thing to do is to just be there when she needs you. She will need you a LOT in the next few yrs, but will push you away as well.
good luck, and try not to worry too much

cocoluvsmummy

sounds exactly like my daughter (13), she came in the other day, i looked at her wrong (how i did that i have no idea), next thing tears, real massive body filling sobs..spent the next 2 hours like this.. she feels so angry in side she wants to burst sometimes..so she says..

I agree with the other posters this is normal teenage behavoir and feelings..

DD1 is not helped by the fact that her friends do the same thing..so they end up setting each other off with their moods by winding each other up when they are tense. She is also tall for her age and feels like a big lump next to the skinny tiny mates she has (unfortuantly she also has a weight problem that she/we are addressing) she has to also learn that she will never be thin skinny person and thats hard in this media day when teens are conditioned into the size 0 culture (DD1 is 5ft9 and has size 9 feet and is very broad shouldered)

Stick with it, be there for her and try your hardest not to take it personally when shes having one of those moments..believe me thats hard.. and ive got another one just starting it all as well (DD2 is 12)

LilacPixie

She is not going mad!!! please please please tell her that, it may also help if you tell her that that isn't just your opinion as her mum but the opinion of others who are only a little older than she is now and can remember it vividly.

I suffered/suffer quite badly from PMS/PMT from aged about 11 and sorry to say but my mum just made it worse. It is difficult to understand why you feel so untight and stressed out all the time and for you mum to say things like oh your tired or you didn't sleep enough last night even if its true certainly made my head want to expload.

If you feel that she is tired and that is behind it try something a bit more subtle like a 'why don't you skip guides tonight and have a bath and paint your toenails' type thing.

I still have moments 2-3 times a month where i need to either kick/slam something or cry for no real reason. I have an inflatable punchbag in the box room and i usually take myself off for 10 minutes and kick that to make me feel better. Maybe she would also benefit from something to focus her anger on plus bizzarly i find punching and kicking actually helps ease cramps so you could have 2 solutions in 1 there.

beverleyhills

You say she is tall. I would have her checked out by the doctor. I can remember those feelings. I was found to be anaemic and treatment helped a lot.

beer_tins

It's women's hormones, it may get better but it doesn't go away in adulthood! It's natural behaviour. I think I'll be very nervous indeed around that time if I have daughters...

full-time-mum

Are you sure you're not talking about my 12 year old daughter? We are going though a very similar senario at the moment.

I think that a lot of the problem is hormones. Don't assume that it is just hormones but take into account that they are probably exaggerating her emotions. If you think about how you feel at certain times of the month, its not surprising that you DD feels that she is going mad. I sometimes feel I'm going mad and I've been dealing with PMT and hormones for nearly 30 years!

We often have this sort of situation and we use a combination of stratergies to deal with it. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

We ask her if anything is bothering her at school or with her friends. (even if she says no initially, we don't take it as gospel). We tell her that she can tell us anything and that there are no secrets between parents and children and she can tell us even if she has been sworn to secrecy (unless it is about my birthday present, in which case she should keep it between her and her dad).

We then listen very carefully to everything she says. Often the truth comes out in little snippets and we are getting good at reading between the lines. Sometimes a chance remark between her and her sister or a friend points us in the right direction.

We have often talked about hormones and how emotions can swing at certain points in the month. We haven't had to deal with periods yet but from the way she describes she is feeling, I feel sure that we have the start of PMT. I have explained that sometimes I feel irritable and miserable for no apparent reason and make an effort to normalise how she is feeling.

We give her space. Sometimes it is better to let them have a good cry alone and then go up with some hot milk, a choccy biscuit and a big hug.

Grandparents, Aunties and her friends parents can often throw a glimmer of light on the situation. I've lost track of the number of times my mum has said "Did you know that......" and everything has clicked into place.

Try not to get upset (she says having had a week of sleepless nights worrying about exactly the same things as you:rolleyes:) and remember that you are not the only one going through these things.:grouphug:

In fact, I feel so much better myself after reading your post.:D

Just remember that we have a lot of this ....
:wall::wall::wall::wall::wall::wall::wall::wall:
to deal with from now on in but it is all in aid of lots of this...:smileyhea:kisses3::happyhear

Smickan

I agree with the others saying it's likely part of puberty

The 10 year old I've looked after for the past 5 years has always been 'mischevious' but turned into an absolute horror about 6 months ago, she's 'sprouting' boobs so it's kind of obvious what is happening her. When asked about it she thought that noone loved her - they all loved her brother and he was favoured for everything. She said she could do no right etc etc.

We eased it (I wouldn't say solve it because she still has moments where she screams and shouts and cries for someone looking at her wrong supposedly) by showering her in attention and giving her little treats and things (grown up things all on her own, like taking her bowling when her brother was at his dads) and she started to relax a little more and ease her way in.