pls help - my marriage has fallen apart

GuinnessGirl_2

Is there someone nearby that you can ask to sit with daughter whilst you make all your calls? You have my sympathies, dealing with government institutions is difficult at the best of times and bordering on farcical when its "the worst of times".
This site may offer some information that the others suggested do not cover? If nothing else it is something else to look at to try and feel constructive. http://www.entitledto.co.uk/

snow_queen

well i do pet sitting for a lady who owns a pet sitting company. she said I was self employed and needed to sort my own tax - so i went to inland rev online to do that and it said check if you are self employed - and the checklist isnt really what I am - so ive left a msg for the lady that gives me the jobs to ring me!

My little one is fine again now!

Im making notes of who i speak to etc and I have a list of what I need to do each day! like tomorrow ring CAB and find the cheapest elctric supplier and switch and then start paying monthly so I dont get a huge bill to contend with! ive never done things like that before as they have always just been paid, i mean we have never really shopped about!

Thanks for the link will have a look!

serpico

You appear to have a head start in a very sad situation, when you say everything is amicable between your husband and yourself.

At all costs you must try and keep it that way, once you start arguing the money grubbing parasites will get involved, and lawyers are only there to bleed you and the legal aid system for every penny they can get.

They will try and make your split as acrimonius as possible and poison your mind so that they can drag it out as long as possible.

In the Daily Mail today Senior Judge Mr Justice Munby said lawyers only add to the misery of divorce. They (lawyers) have been accused of encouraging couples to fight unnecessarily over over money, property and custody of children, and to engage in long legal battles that can last for years and generate huge fees.

The Judge called for more mediation, a process by which a couple work out how to divide their property and look after their children without conflict led by lawyers. The only way to make make money is to spin cases out. That is what they try to do, sometimes for years.

Mediate, mediate and you will be better off, take the advice from this board about getting all you are entitled to in the form of benefits. I cannot help you there. I have been happy with my wife for 45 years, but but I have seen many friends split up and then it turned into a bloody and costly battleground by the low life in the legal profession milking others misery for every penny they can get.

Try and get a copy of the artice. Daily Mail 10 Nov 2004.

LAWYERS ONLY ADD MISERY TO DIVORCE SAYS JUDGE.

Show it to your husband it might help matters and keep things between you sane and reasonable and out of the hands of the jackals.

Good luck.

serpico

Ssaver I agree with you 100% that if you are vulnerable and have a partner who is not playing the game and has gone gangster you will have no choice but to seek the help of the legal profession.

Snow Queen is very fortunate that her husband is at this stage playing fair, I would disagree with you that the advice I gave to Snow Queen in her particular present situation is wrong, and is also the opinion of the learned Judge quoted in the article I referred to just as long as the relationship between her and her partner remains amicable. If it gets nasty and he does not play fair then she will have no choice but to seek legal advice, until then and only then she should stay away from the maggots.

As Hilstep 2000 says the judge was delighted to see they were civilised and I am sure that all Judges will do all he can help and guide both parties resolve there problems as far as they can within in within their remit if they are both reasonable, fair and honest.

I have years of Court experience, everything from petty theft to capital murder and the sharks would be unemployed and starving if there is no conflict and a fight to be fought.

serpico

Ssaver I agree with you 100% that if you are vulnerable and have a partner who is not playing the game and has gone gangster you will have no choice but to seek the help of the legal profession.

Snow Queen is very fortunate that her husband is at this stage playing fair, I would disagree with you that the advice I gave to Snow Queen in her particular present situation is wrong, and is also similar to the opinion of the learned Judge quoted in the article I referred to just as long as the relationship between her and her partner remains amicable. If it gets nasty and he does not play fair then she will have no choice but to seek legal advice, until then, and only then she should stay away from the maggots.

As Hilstep 2000 says the judge was delighted to see they were civilised and I am sure that all Judges will do all he can help and guide both parties resolve there problems as far as they can within in within their remit if they are both reasonable, fair and honest.

I have years of Court experience, everything from petty theft to capital murder and the sharks would be unemployed and starving if there is no conflict and a fight to be fought they survive on others misfortune, and crimes.

sheenagh_2

Hugs snow_queen what a difficult place you are in, just remember it will get better.

I worked for the CAB for 5 years and would agree with most things on this thread. I would add that it is good to write everything down, how you are feeling included.

My advise has always been to set yourself a positive treat for six months time so you have something to look forward to it could be a holiday or a trip to a favorite friend whatever.

Financially working families tax credit is good if you are working 16 hours or more, it is better money, childcare is part paid and you get to keep the maintenance paid as well whereas other benefits take it off you.

Absolutley go to the CAB find out their opening hours and turn up 10 minutes early, you may not have to wait too long. Take all paperwork with you, benefits, income, mortgage. CAB are a confidential organisation.

Don't wait around though, get your benefits forms in the post, council tax, housing, you should already be getting children's tax credit but you need to notify them about the change of circs. Council tax and housing benefit may also make allowances for childcare costs (they used to but I left CAB in jan and things change).

If you stop working you go onto income support, your x will be contacted by the CSA but in reality you will not be well off. You will manage though because one thing never failed to amaze me is how resourceful and strong we all are. I think this web site is perfect proof.

This all takes a long time so take each day at a time and be really kind to yourself. Give you baby lots of hugs and yourself lots of love.

TaBunny

Hi snow_queen, my thoughts are with you, I've been there it was hell with two girls to cope with and there's no point pretending at times it will be hell for you too but be strong as I can see you are from your posts. I'm glad its amicable now but be warned my ex was all sweetness and light until he met a new woman 6 months after we split. She got her claws into him (she was 18 with a baby, not his, he was 36!) anyhow the money stopped coming in from him, he stopped seeing the kids and we were left in limbo.

That was 3 years ago and now he's married to her, he got married only 3 weeks after our divorce completed and she's welcome to him. I hope for your sake that it all stays amicable for you and for your little one.

Everyone here has already given wonderful advice and I can only add that we are all here on the mse day and night you'll always find someone especially in the Money savers arms, so if you've had enough, you feel like chucking a brick through the tv and the babies screaming and driving you nuts, then come on here have a moan get it off your chest or just pm one of us and knowing the mse as I do someone will always try and just talk you through it.

My heart goes out to you, difficult times ahead but believe me you'll come through it and it will make you a stronger person, it has me. Hugs :-*

Glad

seems to be loads of great advice here snow_queen and you seem to be coping marvelously at a time when you probably don't want to pick up a phone and talk to anyone about benefits etc.
you may find it beneficial for a while to say you are unemployed and claim all benefits you are entitled to, you will still be able to work as a pet sitter as small amounts can be earned from part-time work before affecting benefits (the amount varies depending on which benefits you are receiving)


Don't get bogged down or despondant though, no question is a silly one if it is something you need to know, so just ask the question there is a wealth of knowledge here

take care of yourselves :-*

snow_queen

hiya - just a little update - hubby came round yesterday and he has decided he will only pay what he HAS to. So I have to go through the CSA - Can anyone give me any advice or info re this???

many thanks

Freebie_Hunter_2

hiya - just a little update - hubby came round yesterday and he has decided he will only pay what he HAS to.  So I have to go through the CSA - Can anyone give me any advice or info re this???

many thanks

More than he has to??
What does he base this on?

I'd go to the CAB or go to the CSA website https://www.csa.gov.uk