My sister has stopped paying 'keep', should I?

MrsTinks

I wrote a long long post for this but realised it turned into a moan about MY stepsister... not very helpful
All I can really say is that Two wrongs really don't make a right! Instead of "punishing" your parents try to support them in dealing with your sister - frankly I'd think they should kick her out until she's willing to be part of a family and that includes NOT getting aggressive wether that be verbal or otherwise....

Good luck

nearlyrich

I understand your frustration but morally you probably would feel worse if you stopped paying. Two wrongs don't make a right...

littlemissmoney

Grow up and pay up! If you don't like it then move out! However, I think it's quite reasonable to ask your parents if you could swap rooms.

CB1979_2

Scarlett1 wrote: »

I think it has a lot to do with her, she is paying her way and her and her sister are being treated different, talk about rewarding bad behaviour I think the parents need to grow a pair and tackle the brat's behaviour, if they get less rent from the OP then its their loss and lesson learned, although it sounds like the parents are scared of the sister's to the tune of not even being able to have a go at her when they have been short changed of the rent.

but them having to grow a pair is nothing to do with the OP.

she's actually getting a better deal out of her sister being !!!!!!, she's paying less rent over something that has nothing to do with her whilst shifting the blame onto her sister.

very poor imo, you reap what you sow and chucking your toys out the pram "well if she's not paying, then I'm not paying" is pretty pathetic and shows she has very little respect for her parents.

playing_with_fire

Sorry I think I got a bit self-pitying earlier. I like to think I'm quite tough, but when it comes to my family I crumble quite easily.

My parents are really good people and will always help anyone out. I accept that they are doing me a favour by letting me live with them, but they are also doing my sister a favour. I can see that it probably best to be the bigger person and pay up but it will have to be on the understanding that I don't want to be any part of the problems with my sister. I just can't hear them complain anymore if they are not going to do anything about it. I think it's a bit like what someone posted earlier it's partially to do with not wanting to push her away.

I don't want to lose the relationship with my parents...or even with my sister but as with all families there are a million tiny things that happen over the years and build up. I have not been petty up to now, I even broke my present limit for my sis's bday present (£40 on some charm for her bracelet!!) even though she didn't get me a card or present for my birthday in April, that really hurt...even if she forgot she could have picked one up at lunch but she went out instead. I just don't know how much longer I can go on being the bigger person with her.

I guess it's a case of continuing to pay my mum her rent.....but how do I handle myself with my sister? I'm so angry that she will spend more on a night out than my mum is asking for, but at the same time I love her and just want her to sort herself out.

As to the question as to what the deal was with paying the same as my sis (would I even if it was £1000 or something). Well that's just it's always been, we all paid the same, no matter the difference in wages. It was never a problem.

Thanks for all your help, I've read enough posts on here to know that I am not alone with having sibling problems. I guess as the older sis I kinda feel partially responsible. I am supposed to set an example but maybe I have been too much of a goody-goody and this has somehow want to rebel in the way she has?

pboae

playing_with_fire wrote: »

I know this sounds very childish but the injustice and double standards really bother me. Why should one child get away with it. ... It just makes you wonder what the point is of being good when you can be selfish and have everything you want. That's not the way I want to live my life ...

I think you've answered your own question there. The point to is that you are living as you would want to live and behaving as you want to behave. It's not really double standards, because it sounds from your post that if you wanted to take the same approach (treat your parents like s*** and screw them for everything you can) they would probably take it off you eventually as well. But thankfully only one of their daughters has grown up into an obnoxious brat.

playing_with_fire wrote: »

... it hurts when they shout at me about things they are obviously angry at her about.

Believe me I would love a bigger room, but she would go MAD if I tried to switch, plus she has tons of stuff, £25k of debt buys a lot of clothes, toiletries etc.

and they are probably hurt that you are taking it out on them because you are angry with her too.

It sounds like you are all scared of her :-(

The only advice I can give is for you to rise above and start behaving as you know you ought to. Your parents need to stand up to her, but you can't do that for them, but if you start fighting with them as well it will make it even harder for them to do it. Maybe if you can show them you are supportive of them, rather than angry with them, it will make it easier for them to do what they must know they have to do eventually.

CB1979_2

have you actually spoken to your sister?
or has anyone?

i really don't get it, just get it out in the open instead of all the snidey conversations behind her back, outright tell her

"i'm older, i pay more, so i'm having the bigger room"

you're probably winding yourself up more by making it a bigger deal than it really is.

also it's not about being the bigger person it's having the respect for your parents, you're paying your way (however annoying it is) and thay'll respect you more for that.

ps if that doesn't work start ebaying her stuff on the sly

playing_with_fire

I'm not paying less rent, I'm paying what I have always paid. I have not got away with paying any less. It was a bit of an empty threat and maybe a silly one but I have come to the end of my tether.

I'm sorry if you think I don't respect my parents, I am happy enough to know this isn't true and I know that they wouldn't agree with your conclusion. I know people are entitled to their opinion and will give it as it what I have requested but I feel without knowing the subtle nuances of a family dynamic of which this issue is a part but not the whole, it is a bit of a horrible thing to say to anyone.

BallandChain

I like that idea of e-baying her stuff!

playing_with_fire

Sorry if I was a bit touchy in that last post....I don't like anyone doubting the way I feel about my parents.

I think we've all talked to her about it. She knows the way I feel about it which is why she never asks me for money anymore, but she is better at getting round my parents, promises much and never delivers. She has managed to avoid them this week by coming home when she knows they are in bed and leaving early in the morning. I don't know how she does it!