What rights does he have?

miserly_mum

geekgirl wrote: »

If I were her the first thing I would be doing is getting a new sim card for my phone - first line of defence.
I would then only give that new number to anyone who would not pass it on to anyone who could give it to him.

Next would be a solicitor just to lay a plan of action. If it does then eventually go to court at least she has started the ball rolling.

I don't think he'll take it to court because then he'd have to pay maintainance and I don't think he's really THAT bothered about seeing DGD. But like you say it might be a good idea to get in there first.

The fact he's threatening to contact social services speaks volumes. If he did contact them he'd have to make stuff up because DGD is very well cared for. Its what he would make up that out of spite that worries me. Social Services are obliged to act on any complaint received.

pandas66

Perhaps a visit to a family solicitor is in order whatever the outcome this week or next.

I hope her place is in her name, she has her bills and no debt of his to deal with etc.

But most of all I don't wish you 10 years plus of arguing and playing mind games we endured! (happy days)
I totally agree with getting her number changed, you can change it comparitvely cheaply nowadays. 02 have some free sims around and you can get 500 texts for £15, which would cover her telling as many as she needed her new number.

miserly_mum

pandas66 wrote: »

Perhaps a visit to a family solicitor is in order whatever the outcome this week or next.

I hope her place is in her name, she has her bills and no debt of his to deal with etc.

But most of all I don't wish you 10 years plus of arguing and playing mind games we endured! (happy days)
I totally agree with getting her number changed, you can change it comparitvely cheaply nowadays. 02 have some free sims around and you can get 500 texts for £15, which would cover her telling as many as she needed her new number.

Yes it is HER house and everything in it is her name, and no debts belonging to him. Although the scary thing is less than a month ago he wanted her to give her council place up and go private rented instead. Council rent is £240 p/month Private Landlord is £500+ p/month. He decided where she(and I) live was not good enough for his daughter to be reared up in. He mistakenly thought DD could get a Posh private rented place and Housing Benefit would pay for it all. I asked him where the months rent in advance and security deposit was coming from and strangely enough he had no answer.

January20

Mojisola wrote: »

I think it would be a good idea to keep a diary of what's happening - phone calls, texts, accusations he makes, etc. Write down what's happened up til now - as objectively as possible.

You can be sure that the story he is telling other people is that your daughter is a witch who is keeping him from seeing his child, who allowed him to move in and then threw him out, etc, etc.

You need to keep clear information about what's happening so that you can counter his stories if he does involve a solicitor.

So sorry for your family for this problem - it's not easy and it won't go away quickly.

I was going to suggest that - keeping a diary of all events and keeping all the text messages he sends -especially the ones where he insults her.

This young man sounds like a spoiled brat - he will cajole her to gets his own way but if he doesn't he becomes nasty. How far will he go in being nasty?

My advice to you would be to go and see a solicitor too - better be ready and give him clear signals as to what your intentions are especially as he has threatened your daughter with social services!

ailuro2

If he has been staying with her for 4 or 5 nights a week, then isn't that classed as living together, and could get her into trouble with council tax / any benefits.

Just wanted to point this out in case she needs any more ammo to throw at him as to why he can't come back.

Get an airbed or a bed from freecycle so she has somewhere to sleep..

Try to keep things civil and retain the moral high ground.

get a DNA test done, then arrange for maintenance to be paid. If he's 22 and working, then he should be paying something towards his DD instead of just taking advantage of your DD's good nature.;)

Good Luck, it does sound tricky!

January20

ailuro2 wrote: »

get a DNA test done, then arrange for maintenance to be paid. If he's 22 and working, then he should be paying something towards his DD instead of just taking advantage of your DD's good nature.;)

Good Luck, it does sound tricky!

I went away to do something but I was thinking about this and it makes me quite angry that this person wants all of the rights and none of the responsibility - same with his parents it seems.

I don't get it - how some parents may not want to contribute financially so their child has a more comfortable liable. I must be so naive, I know!

miserly_mum

ailuro2 wrote: »

If he has been staying with her for 4 or 5 nights a week, then isn't that classed as living together, and could get her into trouble with council tax / any benefits.

Just wanted to point this out in case she needs any more ammo to throw at him as to why he can't come back.

Get an airbed or a bed from freecycle so she has somewhere to sleep..

Try to keep things civil and retain the moral high ground.

get a DNA test done, then arrange for maintenance to be paid. If he's 22 and working, then he should be paying something towards his DD instead of just taking advantage of your DD's good nature.;)

Good Luck, it does sound tricky!

He never actually lived there.She takes after me in being shall we say "careful" with money and didn't want to risk mucking up her benefits.

He floated between his Mums and DD house and paid no keep to either of them. He was getting fed at DD 90% of the time though.(and yes she was a mug and realises that now)

We are keeping it civil because thats just how we are. His family already think we're "Council House Scum" but having a big house didn't improve their manners any.

He works for his Dad's business so theres no reason for him not to be paying maintainance. DD knows she can't stop him seeing DGD but at the moment hes being a real nuisance to her and the rest of the family. Ringing constantly from 6 am until really late at night. Making stupid threats etc and she doesn't think that he's in the right frame of mind just now to be dealing with a young child.

hobo28

miserly_mum wrote: »

We are keeping it civil because thats just how we are. His family already think we're "Council House Scum" but having a big house didn't improve their manners any.

At least your daughter has been brought up to be mature and able to stand on her own two feet rather than a child in a man's body still hiding behind his daddy.

I can see who the better parents are! If my son had behaved that way, i'd be ashamed. There's no way I'd have helped him remove the bed.

Chollita

Your daughter sounds like a mature, responsible girl and a good mother.

Her 'Council House Scum' background obviously didn't do her any harm. Pity his 'superior' upbringing didn't instil any common sense and responsibility into him ...

asea

I would call the Police & have an injunction taken out on him if he is harrassing your daughter so much! There are laws against that kind of behaviour!