What rights does he have?

miserly_mum

The bed incident is just a perfect example of his immaturity and pettiness and is not a reason to deny him access and I really don't want everyone to think that is how I see things.

It is the last in a long line of similar incidents over the last few weeks. Including him taking her keys and leaving her unable to secure the house and having to get us out of bed at 2am to get her spare key. Then him kicking her door to get his stuff at 3am the same night and getting arrested. (His stuff amounted to 2 hats and an ashtray). His Dad arrived at the same time as the police that night. What was he planning to do anyway?

Even then I held my tongue and left them to it hoping she would see sense and I think finally she has.

Saturdays incident happened because DD wouldn't let the BF take DGD with him to the Motorbike racing. His Dad had a stall and they were both working on it. DGD is 14 months and walking so can't sit in her buggy all day. Also they leave at 7am and don't get back until 6pm ish. DD thought it would be too long a day or her and that Dad and Grandad wouldn't be able to look after her properly as both of them were working on the stall. Also they were expecting DGD to sleep in the back of the van. I don't think that was unreasonable as she has let her go before when BF Mum was there to look after her?

miserly_mum

nearlyrich wrote: »

The Panda is speaking a lot of sense, I had years of court with my ex, he didn't believe he should pay maintenance and he thought it was OK to arrange to see the children and then not turn up.

I put up with a lot for the sake of the children now only one has a bit of a relationship with him, his doing, and that relationship is based on seeing him a couple of times a year not every week.

Hope you can get it all sorted out amicably but to be honest a family who are so nasty as to take away a bed from a young mum might not be worth having for your little GD.

I really hope it can be sorted out too. DD has barely saw her own father in years and knows what its like to have no Father figure in her life. I think this is why she accepted the BF back so easily, to give her Daughter a chance to have a Daddy.

BF is bombarding her with texts and calls.Some nice as in, I love you and I want another chance. Others calling her a wh**re etc and threatening all sorts including reporting her to the Benefits people and the council because her 16 year old sister stays over the odd time. :rolleyes:

whatatwit

Are you in contact with his parents?
Your daughter must trust them as she has allowed DGD out with BF when his mum has been there.
It reads as though both of the kids have only been telling their parents what they think the parents want to hear.
You are angry because his mum and dad removed the bed and left your daughter without a bed.....quite possibly his parents didn't realise this and are in the same boat as yourself, only knowing part of the story.

Try ringing his parents especially his mum, maybe the two of you can sort something out.

As for the name calling, kids today speak a whole different language and 'eff' and blind as part of their vocabulary.

hobo28

From everything thats been said, especially the bit where he got himself arrested, I would urge your DD to speak with a solicitor regarding a restraining order.

Bogof_Babe

I seem to have missed a link somewhere - one minute he's removing all his stuff including the bed, and five minutes later he is bombarding her with weepy phone calls and texts .

I'd suggest your DD tells him to stay out of both their lives until he has made his mind up once and for all what he wants. At the moment he is giving everyone the runaround and acting in an extremely selfish way. It would be bad enough if there wasn't a toddler involved, but it is totally unacceptable to use his daughter as a pawn in his stupid game.

I feel sorry for your DD, and it sounds like she has already made the right decision as she is now not returning his calls, so if I were you I would continue to back her up in her resolve. I wouldn't give him the time of day if I were in your situation. He sounds like a complete waste of space.

softwaremad

i was in a similar situation many many moons ago - change all of your phone numbers get a little peace then your dd can decide what she wants to do! sounds like he is a little control feak only not very good at it yet! (god how do these monsters get bred there seems to be so many of them around ).

your dd will learn the best things to do you just have to make sure that dgd is happy child the rest will come. the nuisance phone calls will bring everyone down and its not hard to get a new phone number! that way hell be stuck and cant threaten anybody it always seems to be about control.

re benefits you are allowed to have people stay over as long as they dont live with you. he really hasnt got a clue. all the best

miserly_mum

whatatwit wrote: »

Are you in contact with his parents?
Your daughter must trust them as she has allowed DGD out with BF when his mum has been there.
It reads as though both of the kids have only been telling their parents what they think the parents want to hear.
You are angry because his mum and dad removed the bed and left your daughter without a bed.....quite possibly his parents didn't realise this and are in the same boat as yourself, only knowing part of the story.

Try ringing his parents especially his mum, maybe the two of you can sort something out.

As for the name calling, kids today speak a whole different language and 'eff' and blind as part of their vocabulary.

I'm not angry about the bed i'm sad and disappointed.Probably more with his Dad than him as he is old enough to know better.

While they were putting the bed in the van I approached the father (first time i'd met him) and asked him (politely)to leave the bed until she got a new one or if he wanted i'd give him the money for it. He refused to even look at me and kept repeating "i'm not getting involved" How is he not getting involved if hes taking the bloody bed away??

The bed itself is irrelevant ,its the fact one human being would do that to another one for no other reason than to be awkward or whatever thats disappoints me so much.

Yes she did let DGD go out with them before and nobody is saying they are a threat to her or anything. DD just felt two men working a stall weren't able to give their attention to an energetic 14 month old as her Daddy was planning to keep her in her buggy behind the stall with him.

I don't have a number for the other Grandparents and to be honest would not want to speak to the Father as I have never met a more bad mannered man. At the same time they are the ones that raised their son. Do they find his behaviour acceptable?

As for the name calling, even if it is common place nowadays it doesn't make it right. The young man needs to grow up and grow a set of balls. The "wh**e" he's slagging off is mature enough to raise his child and run a house on her own at the age of 18 (with no financial help from him)

This is a 22 year old man who thinks its funny to ask DD what she wants from the chinese, order it and announce when it arrived that he had no money and she was paying for it, not knowing if she even had enough money to cover it.

miserly_mum

softwaremad wrote: »

i was in a similar situation many many moons ago - change all of your phone numbers get a little peace then your dd can decide what she wants to do! sounds like he is a little control feak only not very good at it yet! (god how do these monsters get bred there seems to be so many of them around ).

your dd will learn the best things to do you just have to make sure that dgd is happy child the rest will come. the nuisance phone calls will bring everyone down and its not hard to get a new phone number! that way hell be stuck and cant threaten anybody it always seems to be about control.

re benefits you are allowed to have people stay over as long as they dont live with you. he really hasnt got a clue. all the best

Oh i know shes not breaking any rules having her sister stay over. Obviously he doesn't and is using this to get DD attention but it shows how vindictive he is.She's just rejecting his calls and I know its really annoying him as yes he is a controlling person. I did advise her to keep a few of the nasty texts incase he did contact a solicitor etc. Which I very much doubt he'll do as it'd cost him and he's not too ready at spending money (well his own anyway)

I really appreciate all your replies, it kinda helps see things in perspective.

Mojisola

I think it would be a good idea to keep a diary of what's happening - phone calls, texts, accusations he makes, etc. Write down what's happened up til now - as objectively as possible.

You can be sure that the story he is telling other people is that your daughter is a witch who is keeping him from seeing his child, who allowed him to move in and then threw him out, etc, etc.

You need to keep clear information about what's happening so that you can counter his stories if he does involve a solicitor.

So sorry for your family for this problem - it's not easy and it won't go away quickly.

geekgirl

If I were her the first thing I would be doing is getting a new sim card for my phone - first line of defence.
I would then only give that new number to anyone who would not pass it on to anyone who could give it to him.

Next would be a solicitor just to lay a plan of action. If it does then eventually go to court at least she has started the ball rolling.