Children have fallen out,other parents ,who are friends wont talk to me

bestpud

sickofhavingnomoney wrote: »

I agree, if i thought my child was being bullied, I would want them kept apart from the bully until the matter had been investigated. Even if there was a slight suspiscion (sp) of bullying, action should be taken quickly. Bullying can seriously affect childrens lives.

It may be that they were being separated whilst the other parents concerns were looked into, prior to involving you. I am not sure what the correct process for this is, do they involve all parents at an early stage, I think that they should.

I think the problem here is it is not being looked into - it is being swept under the carpet!

I'd have said any investigation would involve observing the boys and seeing how they interact? Not sure how they will do that when they are seperated?

I think parents need to be informed as soon as a complaint is made, however small. I would be horrified to find out parents had complained repeatedly about my child and I had been kept in the dark.

Apart from anything else, if it is all true and the OPs son is bullying the other child (not saying he is) then every day it is kept quiet is contributing to bullying being ok in his eyes. These things need stamping out asap as they are much harder to shift once they become ingrained.

debs66_2

i have 2 teen daughters (18 + 16), and a few weeks ago we had a real laugh one evening as they regaled me with the things they did when younger that i never knew about. what tykes..!!:A

my point being that kids tell their parents what they want them to know, and what they think will get them in the least amount of trouble at the time. this applies to both sets of kids who were involved. only they know the 'truth' about what happened, and that will be distorted by immaturity due to their ages.

i would let things lie. the other parents want to cut ties. leave it at that and accept it - or look desperate and be construed as harrassing. the kids will probably be best mates in time.

poet123

Exactly right,the school needs to be pro active in resolving this issue and it is they who should be setting boundaries not the parents.

I also think that in many cases situations such as these look worse to parents of first or only kids. By the time you have had several go through the system you do come to realise that nothing is as clear cut as your child/next doors child/best friends parent tells you,and you learn to take step back and let things pan out. In all but he most serious of cases this will happen, and the outcome will be better for the process,and you will certainly be less stresed!!!!

bestpud

poet123 wrote: »

Exactly right,the school needs to be pro active in resolving this issue and it is they who should be setting boundaries not the parents.

I also think that in many cases situations such as these look worse to parents of first or only kids. By the time you have had several go through the system you do come to realise that nothing is as clear cut as your child/next doors child/best friends parent tells you,and you learn to take step back and let things pan out. In all but he most serious of cases this will happen, and the outcome will be better for the process,and you will certainly be less stresed!!!!

Yes, I've defintely noticed that over the years - in myself and other parents!

Dare I say that older parents seem more inclined to intervene than younger ones too? Just my observation before I'm shot down in flames!

Nitha

I think as a parent you can find yourself being over-protective and you have this guard that goes up immediately at the first sign of trouble. I'm really overprotective over my DS when his older boisterous stepbrother stays with us!

The other parent's instinct has probably kicked in and they want their child to be as safe as possible. They're probably avoiding you as they don't want their friendship to cloud their judgement. I hope it all dies down, but I would perhaps concentrate on getting your boy to calm down at school and perhaps suggest he writes an apology to the other boy involved.

poet123

Dare I say that older parents seem more inclined to intervene than younger ones too? Just my observation before I'm shot down in flames!

ooh,not sure where I stand on this one!! depends on how I catergorise myself.....was a young parent to my older boys,now suppose I am an older :eek: parent to my youngest( large gap too!) but I was definitely more "interventionist" with my eldest than the others, including my youngest(except in certain circumstances).

I suppose thinking about it my personal experience would suggest the opposite actually,I and most of my friends have mellowed and chilled as our kids have grown up,and it is our younger counterparts who fret the most over "trivia!!";)

bestpud

poet123 wrote: »

Dare I say that older parents seem more inclined to intervene than younger ones too? Just my observation before I'm shot down in flames!

ooh,not sure where I stand on this one!! depends on how I catergorise myself.....was a young parent to my older boys,now suppose I am an older :eek: parent to my youngest( large gap too!) but I was definitely more "interventionist" with my eldest than the others, including my youngest(except in certain circumstances).

I suppose thinking about it my personal experience would suggest the opposite actually,I and most of my friends have mellowed and chilled as our kids have grown up,and it is our younger counterparts who fret the most over "trivia!!";)

Well, thinking about it, I am comparing two very different sets of parents and the current ones are older parents with first children.

I have a big age gap between mine too, so I guess I have mellowed with age, but I don't know if I'd have done that if I didn't have my older children iyswim?

I don't recall the parents being so likely to intervene when my older two were little though and they were younger and also first time parents.

Maybe too many factors involved...

poet123

Yes,being older and having first or only child....a potentially explosive
combination:D.(sighs, lets me off the hook then!!)

I take your point though,had I not had the experience of older kids I would probably have been a nightmare with my "baby"!!!:o