Children have fallen out,other parents ,who are friends wont talk to me

sticher

Either way they should not be allowing a parent to decide where/who their child plays with

I disagree with this - if your child is being bullied (not saying this is what is happening in OPs case though), surely you should be able to ask that he/she is kept away from the bully? I certainly would want a child of mine to be.

domestic_goddess

sticher wrote: »

Either way they should not be allowing a parent to decide where/who their child plays with

I disagree with this - if your child is being bullied (not saying this is what is happening in OPs case though), surely you should be able to ask that he/she is kept away from the bully? I certainly would want a child of mine to be.

I agree, if i thought my child was being bullied, I would want them kept apart from the bully until the matter had been investigated. Even if there was a slight suspiscion (sp) of bullying, action should be taken quickly. Bullying can seriously affect childrens lives.

It may be that they were being separated whilst the other parents concerns were looked into, prior to involving you. I am not sure what the correct process for this is, do they involve all parents at an early stage, I think that they should.

poet123

The correct course of action is not keep them apart,it is a false circumstance. In such a situation the children involved need to be monitored on the playground. If both sets of parents ask for their children to be seperated that is one thing, but to act unilaterally on the say so of one set of parents without the others knowledge is unwise and could exacerbate the situation.

mrcow

poet123 wrote: »

In such a situation the children involved need to be monitored on the playground.

Hasn't it already got to the situation where these chilcren are having to be separated into different playgrounds because of the behaviour? Imagine for one second here that you are the parent of one of these other kids? Insisting that they are separated is the least you'd do. Personally I'd already have put a written complaint in about these kids. Numerous complaints have been made and nothing seems to have happened.

Peekma - you sound as if you are making every excuse under the sun over this. I did misunderstand your comment about other parents complaining - but then went on to read how your boy had punched another kid in the infants! This is not normal behaviour for an eight year old. You repeatedly say that you want to be at "peace" with these people......the only way you are going to achieve this is to effectively deal with your son and for him to start learning how to play nicely with his peers. Using your fists is not acceptable. Neither is calling other kids "fat" etc.

Sorry if I sound harsh......I'm just trying to give you an indication on what these parents are thinking. Personally if I were them and the behaviour was continuing.....it wouldn't be the removal of my child that I would be pushing for.........

poet123

From my reading of the OP the separation was done by the head on the say so of the other parent,without the knowledge of the OP. This should not have happened,if the situation(prior to the incident in question) warranted segregation then the OP should have been informed.

mrcow

poet123 wrote: »

From my reading of the OP the separation was done by the head on the say so of the other parent,without the knowledge of the OP. This should not have happened,if the situation(prior to the incident in question) warranted segregation then the OP should have been informed.

Not sure - but the separation was taking place before this incident last week.

I would have thought that the OP should have been informed every step of the way. How else is the school going to get cooperation from parents unless they inform them in the first place? If she hadn't been told that this was going to be happening, then questions need to be asked. A parent can't resolve this if they are ignorant to the circumstances.

However.......they do know about it now and need to act accordingly.

Magpye

mrcow wrote: »

Peekma - you sound as if you are making every excuse under the sun over this. I did misunderstand your comment about other parents complaining - but then went on to read how your boy had punched another kid in the infants! This is not normal behaviour for an eight year old. You repeatedly say that you want to be at "peace" with these people......the only way you are going to achieve this is to effectively deal with your son and for him to start learning how to play nicely with his peers. Using your fists is not acceptable. Neither is calling other kids "fat" etc.

From what I could understand of the OP's explanation of this incident, it was the OP's older child that was responsible for punching the name caller in that incident, and not the child now being implicated in bullying, who was in infant school at the time.

Kids have fallings out all the time, I once flung a book at my best mate during a row when we were about 11 - fortunately her parents never complained about that! I don't recall anyone ever being segregated in the playground after a falling out, that would have simply exacerbated any situation. I would certainly talk to the school about why they have done this - even if it is the school's own initiative, the OP should certainly have been informed before it got to this stage.

garty

:rolleyes: bestpud...................you hit the nail on the head lol :j :beer:
how can one parent say who there kid will or will not play with in school :eek: your son teacher will know .......... what is happening in her class
.........................................your son and his friend where happy to run out together but the head teacher held the child back WHY?? (his parents) did not want his child to play with your child :rotfl: your son sticks up for himself and your so called friends son wants to boss but he does not get his own way with your son.................. maybe BIG green monster here......................your so called friend is not what she seems..........

ailuro2

I suggest you use the 10 days holiday to teach your kids how to defend themselves from attack without going over the top and landing in trouble, and how to avoid conflict too.

Many kids end up in fights, but not all of them end up accused of ramming a boys head into a wall. Going on the no smoke without fire effect, I suggest you put it the other way around and ask what you would do if someone said your son had a bump on his head from someone ramming it into a wall in anger. Coming from a medical background (the Mum's a midwife) you'd be well aware of potential serious consequences.

Teach them how to lift their hands up in front of them to block a slap or a push, and a simple wristlock that will control their attacker without really hurting them, but is effective at restraining them.This will send out the message they are not to be pushed around, but leaves no bruises or bumps either.;)

Discuss the reasons for the boy wanting to be 'topdog' and suggest reasons for example that perhaps he gets no chance to make decisions at home so likes to take them at school?
Suggest tactics like going off and playing another game or take it in turns to be the leading character to neutralise areas of conflict.

Most of all, tell him it is unacceptable to hit back, that the playgroup supervisor tends to see the retaliation rather than attack, and if anything happens he should go tell a teacher about it rather than taking it into his own hands.

It's not enough to believe your son didn't react as harshly as the other boy said he did, you must accept the other boy had a bump on his head, and that your son's behaviour has to be considered unacceptable and dealt with.

Don't worry too much about the other mother. In time, and after seeing your boys aren't getting into trouble, she may calm down and come round. If she doesn't, then it;s probably no great loss.

The ball is in your court now, I think! Good Luck.

bestpud

sticher wrote: »

Either way they should not be allowing a parent to decide where/who their child plays with

I disagree with this - if your child is being bullied (not saying this is what is happening in OPs case though), surely you should be able to ask that he/she is kept away from the bully? I certainly would want a child of mine to be.

I think the point most of us are making (I certainly am anyway) is that the school have done noting about this situation, despite several complaints!

It is simply not acceptable that they hear the complaints, do nothing and then eventually seperate the children when it all gets out of hand! That is not the OP's fault, it is the schools, and possibly the other parents for not mentioning the problem.

Now, for all we know, the school may have told the other parents that the OP had been contacted and therefore made it look like she'd failed to act or take it seriously. That is obviously not the case here as the OP did not know there was a problem until this last big incident which could possibly have been avoided!

It is also wrong of the Head to call the child back in and then admit it is because the parents have requested it. That is as good as saying I have done nothing, and the situation is now out of hand, but, as I don't want to deal with it, I will just humour the parents!

FGS, does the school think it will just go away??? They are seperating the children, under the parents orders and yet have not done aything to try and resolve the problem or even spoken to the OP's son about managing anger, or whatever?

The other parents are taking this out on the OP and yet, it seems to me, the school is making the situation worse. I can see they are worried (I'd be too) but they can't seperate them forever. Surely it is better for all the children to learn better ways of interacting?

As parents, we rely on the school informing is about things like this. The OP's son may be at fault but if the OP knows nothing of it, how is she supposed to rectify it? Likewise it may have been tit for tat that went wrong on this occasssion (it happens!) and as such, there is many more constructive ways of resolving it than seperating the boys for the rest of their time at the school!