Children have fallen out,other parents ,who are friends wont talk to me

Dill

Peakma wrote: »

It is effecting all the kids,including their mutual friends who are having to take it it turns who they play with

Awww, what a pity it's getting to that stage. If it were just up to the kids, the whole thing'd probably be forgotten about already.

Maybe the 10 days holiday will let the dust settle a bit. Hope things turn out ok.

garty

:j hope you have a great 10 days off school holidays with your kids and not worry too much :j

l have 9 (just turned) year old boy and he is always wanting his own way, very biosterous boy (unlike his older brother who is very calm) he has a friend who is just like him..always wanting to be the boss telling everybody what to do :rolleyes: they fall out all the time but l think that is what childhood is about learning to get on with other people unless the child is coming home black and blue l would really leave the kids to get on with it after reading what you wrote l think both boys did something and they are both to blame putting all the blame on your son is way over the top l think your friend wants an excuse to take her children out off the school and wants to put the blame on your child................if your son was that bad why did she not say something before:rolleyes: might be that your son does not let her son away with things, so he is saying to his folks that your son is doing this and that (not sure if that makes sense to you) :mad: if she is meant to be a friend and acts like that your better off without her just make sure you make a point off your kids seeing there other friends during the holidays good luck

Bromley86

quick chat again with the head,who says it has been going on for some time,other parents coming in complaining about my 8 year old

IANAparent, but that should be setting off big alarm bells. This other child's parents' reactions make more sense if there's been (in their minds) a history of problems that you have failed to address, with this incident being the final, violent straw.

melancholly

i was reported as a 'school bully' by a girl in my class (i think it was a really stupid incident where i was throwing a ball against a wall and it bounced off and hit her in the head and 'damaged' her glasses - couldn't have done it intentionally if i'd tried!). i know my mum offered to pay for the damage (which was non-existant) and i had to have a meeting with the head of year. luckily the teachers knew me and knew it was rubbish and even told me they didn't believe any of it. but some parents chose to think that's what happened. i think it was more upsetting for my parents than me, as they felt some other parents who were friends were very quick to come to a negative conclusion (even it was short lived on the whole!).

i do think the school has been incredibly irresponsible if they have been receiving these complaints for a while about your son, but not ever speaking to you about it. that really is terrible and is something you should take up with them. if they were concerned about your son's behaviour, they should have had a meeting with you about it - even if they didn't believe that his behaviour was particularly problematic, you should have been made aware that parents were complaining.

sounds like a nightmare, but you've done all the right things - you might just need to ride this out over a few weeks before the other parents come round.

Peakma

Bromley86 wrote: »

IANAparent, but that should be setting off big alarm bells. This other child's parents' reactions make more sense if there's been (in their minds) a history of problems that you have failed to address, with this incident being the final, violent straw.

Just to clear that up,by other parents,I meant the other boy involved parents.
Not other childrens parents aswell.And if they had come to me when they first went to school,I would of been able to assist them in the sorting out the problem,and maybe helped to nip it in the bud,rather than it come to this.
As far as I am aware no other parents have complained for some time.There was an incident last year,when only my other son and the mentioned friend, were at school together(younger son was still in infants).
Another older but smaller boy had been calling my son a girl because he has long hair,my son was a bit upset by this and ,but didn't want to make a fuss,but his friend (same one were having issues with now)had stuck up for him chased the other kid and caught him,so my son did punch him,not like him at all,but I guess he just thought "er what do we do now weve caught him!".And chose the wrong option.This boys mother quite rightly complained,and we spoke, kids appolagised,we were friendly about it and it soon blew over.(although I dont agree with my sons actions,it did sort the problem out, although he was wrong to throw a punch,it was provoked,and I don't think they get much stick about their hair now) and if they do I don't think it bothers them much,their hair is definitely their own choice,not something pushed on them by us,to be honest my life would be much easier if they were both short haired,and didn't need it grooming quite so much.
My eldest says he does get called a hippy,to which he replies,I cant be a hippy because I like guns!
As far as I am aware there have been no other complaints from parents about my boys to school.And if anyone does have any complaints,I would really hope they came to me and told me,because I will not put up with my children been bullied or being bullies,I'm very approachable,and very fair.I am not deluded enough to believe my son is some angelic little darling,but nor is he the demon he's been made out to be in this recent instance.
I think I'm going to have to try and put it to the back of my mind.But it just keeps going over and over.I will keep the thread updated if anything else happens,not looking forward to the awkward air that I know will be present in the school playground at pick up time.
Your opinions are very helpful,I dont think I'm being unreasonable and am trying to build peace bridges,where as they seem to want to just hear one side and put up barriers.I am upset for their son as he looked so sad today,and I really think the trouble and upset thats going on now is being caused by his parents,who I thought were my friends nothing to do with kids.
AArrghh its taking over my life! I now have twenty minutes to do a days worth of housework before I set off for dreaded school run!
I do wonder if the head suggests a meeting with both sets of parents himself and class teacher whether they will accept or not.Just want it done with and cleared up life's too short to get drawn in to petty arguments, and the fact that we live it such a close knit place really exaggerates the problem.

domestic_goddess

Been into school today as helped with the swimming,and had chance to have quick chat again with the head,who says it has been going on for some time,other parents coming in complaining about my 8 year old.but the first I heard about it was Friday.(I dont know why she felt she couldn't mention it to me in person,as I will not tolerate my kids bullying others) To be fair my kids have also been saying to me certain niggles between each other, little fights that have been going on,and I've tried to play it down ,rather than blow it well out of proportion.
School has been separating them into different playgrounds,and this incident happened on Friday when they were in the in between playground about to be separated, and was witnessed by no adults.
I told the head if my son has been causing other boy upset,calling him names,being rude and telling him he is fat,then I need to know about this,because I wont tolerate my son behaving this way(but I really think this is a two way thing,its just the other boys parents are making it out to be only my son).

I know that the head should have told you about these problems before and the school are def at fault for that, however, if other parents have been coming in to school to complain about your son then there is obviously a problem!

EDIT:Sorry, I crossed with your last post, i read this as other parents coming in to the school to complain.

I still feel that the fact that your sons have to be separated at playtimes suggest that the problem is more than just a little niggle and you really should not have played it down but should have dealt with this immediately as this might have prevented this upset.

I think you have to acknowledge the fact that the other parents feel that your son has bullied their son, and not just as a one off, it seems that they have complaned about this a few times before. They may think that the school has discussed this with you, and that you have not acted to prevent this bullying. Do they know that the first you heard of this was Friday.

In the end, they feel that their son is being bullied (verbally and physically) and as a parent I can well imagine how hard it is to stay objective about that. Wrong I know but if someone was bullying my kids and I felt that I had notified the relavant people by telling the school, I think that I would hold the parents a bit responsible.

i am really sorry and don't want to look like I am getting at you but I think you need to look at it from their side.

I hope that everything improves soon

mrcow

Okay, I know that you are trying to do so, but try and look at it from the the other parents' in the schools standpoint.....

Your eight year old son is violent and verbally abusive to other pupils in his school. Numerous parents have complained and the situation has not improved.

Some have even discussed removing their children from the school. Can you imagine how stressful it is to think that your child is going to school and is being beaten up?

In all honesty, you need to forget about trying to smooth things over with these parents, as it's never going to happen until you sort out your son's behaviour. It sounds like a line's been reached and they've had enough. Does he understand that noone is going to want to play with him if he is abusive to them (can you blame them )?

At eight years old, he's not being "boisterous" - that's what a three your old is......an eight year old ramming someone's head into a wall is being violent. If this were my son (God forbid) I'd be forgetting about what the other parents think of me and would be concentrating on how I'm going to work with the school to resolve this.

I know you're worried about what people think.....but you're not going to change their opinions of you or your family unless you fix the problem.

Jaiden_2

Bromley86 wrote: »

IANAparent, but that should be setting off big alarm bells. This other child's parents' reactions make more sense if there's been (in their minds) a history of problems that you have failed to address, with this incident being the final, violent straw.

Have to kinda agree . It seems to me that the OP has been left completely in the dark about her sons behaviour and the fact that several other parents have complained to the head, and she has not been informed, has just added to this powder keg.

Its the schools responsibilty to keep parents informed and i wonder if the OP had been aware of what was happening, this unfortunate incident could have been prevented. Its not like the child will come home and say "guess what i was in trouble yet again in school today":rolleyes:

I really feel bad for the OP cos i went through the same thing with a group of my daughters best friends with each of our daughters taking turns being the victim. We had a couple of meetings with the head who told us that although it wasnt nice, it seems to be something that best friends do to each other and was part of growing up!

The other parents were kinda like me, trying to play it down and leaving it for the kids to make up and in the end they all got on and the fuss died down and they are now preparing to go to the same secondary school in September.

I did have a falling out with one tho because my daughter still wasnt talking to hers and didnt want her coming to her birthday party. I really didnt want to let her know that her daughter wasnt invited but of course she found out and was really hurt. I appreciate that in hindsight i could have handled it better but my daughter was adamant and it would have just caused friction.

We didnt speak for months and i really hated it, but i'm just not the kind of person who is good with confrontation and in the end, the longer it went on, the harder it got. My daughters birthday came round again and they had made up long before then and she wanted her friend to come. I was actually shaking as i went up to her mum to see if she would let her come and it was as if we had never fallen out. I think we both found it too awkward to try to resolve the situation and acted worse than the kids!:o

I really hope there will be a good outcome for your situation and remember to keep in constant contact with the head and teachers so you are fully aware as to what is going on.

Sorry i have rambled on

sticher

I think alot of parents have been in the position where children falling out causes a knock on effect. Most parents are adult enough to accept it for what it is (kids will be friends again the next day).

Had a similar thing myself earlier this year when my then 10 year old fell out with his friend, but was then big enough to invite him to his birthday party. The friend refused to come however and his Mum told me that she 'couldn't make him' and in the same sentence told me that my son had broken her sons lunch box. I told her that I had seen with my own eyes her son throw his lunch box at my son and she almost called me a liar! Her son was having a few problems at the time, but I think she realised when he wasn't invited to any birthday parties for the rest of the year. I left it at that and the next day the boys were friends again! I however took much longer to forgive the mother! Sounds as if you have tried everything you can really and some people refuse to be confronted by any implication that their children are less than perfect.

I would be very annoyed with the school though if I had not been notified about the problems with 'other parents coming in complaining'. I would find out exactly what the Head meant by this.

aliasojo

Peakma wrote: »

Just to clear that up,by other parents,I meant the other boy involved parents.

Not other childrens parents aswell.

I think the last few posters may have misread?

OP....hope you dont mind me mentioning but your posts would be easier to read if you put spaces in between paragraphs? I think that's why people are missing what you are saying perhaps?