Children have fallen out,other parents ,who are friends wont talk to me

Peakma

mrcow wrote: »

Okay, I know that you are trying to do so, but try and look at it from the the other parents' in the schools standpoint.....

Your eight year old son is violent and verbally abusive to other pupils in his school. Numerous parents have complained and the situation has not improved.

Some have even discussed removing their children from the school. Can you imagine how stressful it is to think that your child is going to school and is being beaten up?

In all honesty, you need to forget about trying to smooth things over with these parents, as it's never going to happen until you sort out your son's behaviour. It sounds like a line's been reached and they've had enough. Does he understand that no one is going to want to play with him if he is abusive to them (can you blame them )?

At eight years old, he's not being "boisterous" - that's what a three your old is......an eight year old ramming someone's head into a wall is being violent. If this were my son (God forbid) I'd be forgetting about what the other parents think of me and would be concentrating on how I'm going to work with the school to resolve this.

I know you're worried about what people think.....but you're not going to change their opinions of you or your family unless you fix the problem.

What? I think you have either miss read this,or I have not got my point over properly1
Numerous parents haven't complained,one set who I thought were friends,and thought the kids were friends,have apparantly complained several times over the last few months,the first I heard about this was on friday,if they had spoken to me about it in the first place,then I would of been able to help sort it all out at the start.As it is I've been in the dark,and thought the little tit for tat arguments they'd been having were just kids being kids.e.g an on going argument they seem to have is whether or not black is a colour!

The ramming the head incident is the final straw,and too be honest I do believe both my sons when they say my youngest was pushing back after being pushed several times,and it resulted in him banging his head an accident.He hasn't beaten anyone up.I haven't been informed of any trouble,and chosen to ignore it.
As soon as we were made aware of this situation,we have been wanting to amicably sort it out,my partner went straight round with son to apolagise,and when they weren't in,left an aswer message.They never returned the call.I don't want any unhappy kids,mine or there friends,and I dont want any animosity between parents.I just want to get to the roots of the problem,and hopefuly beable to sort it out together.But the other boys parents,wont speak about it to us.
Oh and I'd say my 8 year old son and the other friend involved in this are pretty even as to being equally physical and boisterous,the other kid is a lot heavier and in ruff and tumble games is a lot more dangerous for that reason.

Peakma

aliasojo wrote: »

I think the last few posters may have misread?

OP....hope you dont mind me mentioning but your posts would be easier to read if you put spaces in between paragraphs? I think that's why people are missing what you are saying perhaps?

Yes sorry I will go over them later,just kind of ranting in a hurry as I really haven't time to be typing all this out right now, just trying to get it off my chest a bit.
But just to confirm.
Its only one set of parents complaining,I don't know why school didn't inform us sooner,I did ask the Mother why she hadn't told me there were troubles between the kids,and she said it's a school matter.
The weirdest thing about all this is how quickly the parents of this boy have turned on us,if my son is being out of order I want to help resolve it.I think she cant actually comprehend that actually it is a two way thing.

Peakma

oops posted twice!

quietheart

You're going nowhere fast with this one. For whatever reason the other parent's don't want to know.
You just need to keep your dignity, hold your head high and walk on by. If she blames you or seems to hold you responsible, there's nothing you can do to change that, don't bicker with her, you'll lose everyone's respect. Just show all the other parents that you can be grown up about it.
I also wouldn't feel too bad about the parents going to the school, sometimes it's incredibly difficult. I have gone to the school before because the parent concerned never seemed to hear a word I said then she was furious that i spoke to the teacher. If incidents are happening in school I think the teacher should know about it and it's the schools choice to decide if parents are informed. So I think in this case, the school made the mistake not the other parents.
All in all it clearly isn't worth it. You have to put them down as lost friends, move on and get on with it.
I do wish you luck though, I realise it's a stressful situation.

bluenose1

I agree with Rovers.
You have tried to approach them and got no-where, I would leave it at that.

You have acted like a responsible parent trying to sort it out and I feel really sorry for you to be snubbed in this way. I think the other parent has been rather nasty in her treatment of you. I think she should have had a quiet word with you if she was concerned and tried to resolve it.
Rise above it.

I would let them make the next move now. I wouldn't even try to make eye contact etc with them.
A similar incident happened to my sister a few months ago and she was really hurt and embarrased by it all. However after a couple of weeks the parents started speaking as if nothing had happened.

The stupid thing is before you know it the kids will all be good friends again.
Good luck

cazac71

jockettuk wrote: »

WOW.. my opinion with this kind of thing is that parents shouldnt fall out if kids fight because kids fall back in again always.. but this sounds like the parents have a issue

I agree, kids fall out with friends, more than they have hot dinners! If the parents cant see this, then thats their problem, Just act as before, say hello etc, its not worth falling out over.

tomstickland

You've done all the right things, but it appears that the other parents are not open to the idea of moving forwards. It's sad, but there's not much you can do really.

bestpud

I realise the school have believed the other child in this last incident but how did they feel about the earlier complaints? Did they think it was tit for tat until this happened?

Have you asked the Head why you weren't informed earlier, or what they have done to try and resolve the problem?

My first response would be to arrange a meeting with the Head, class teacher, yourself and your oh. Forget the other parents as it would end up in an argument or blaming session rather than getting to the bottom of the problem.

When you are clear what the school feel the problem is, you can tell them you are keen to resolve it and would like to work with them to do so. That doesn't mean accepting everything they say as the truth, but just acknowledging there is an issue of some sort and it is best dealt with asap.

Personally, I think it is bad that the school are allowing these parents to dictate where children play at school, and yet they are doing nothing to actively resolve the problem!!! They must feel there is a significant problem to be seperating them at break times like that, surely? But of they do think that, they should be in regular contact with you!

Go in tomorrow and arrange a meeting for after the holidays. Then enjoy the break and tackle it head on when they go back. That's what I would do anyway as I feel this is being handled badly by the school and it may well be their response which is making the other parents so hostile!

quietheart

Excellent advice from Bestpud - it really does show weak leadership that they are letting parents have that level of control.
Going in and showing the head that you want this resolved can only go in your favour surely.

poet123

I think that the school has handled this badly,either by not telling you that it is your son to blame or not telling the other parent that it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. Either way they should not be allowing a parent to decide where/who their child plays with. I would go and see the head (with a witness) and ask for a frank answer to the question "is my child engaging in bullying, or has this incident been blown out of proportion."

If it is the former I would be wanting to know why I had not been informed before, and I would want documented incidents. i would then ask to be involved in a programme to improve your sons behaviour,and I would write and apologise to the other parent,and explain you are attempting to resolve the issues.

If it is the latter then I would tell the head how your son is being demonised,and get his assurances that the playground segregation will cease,and that the kids will be monitored for a specified period. If he does not agree I would contact the Governing Body and make a formal complaint.

I would also again write to the other parents and tell them what the head has said,and what you now intend to do about it.

You may never retrieve your friendship, but you will have acted correctly.