I dont want to be around my child.

floss2

The thing is, at this age she may well be physically maturing, as I suggested last night, but she is still a child in her head.

How many of us remember being treated as children at the same age? I certainly do, my kids were to an extent, but not as much as me. Children nowadays are portrayed as being mini-adults, not children.

Perhaps she is jealous, but cannot articulate this except by the tantrums.

Perhaps she feels left out of her mum's life - think about the way children react to new babies / step parents / step-siblings.

Perhaps she thinks that mum's course will take her mum out of her life altogether.

Perhaps she is a naughty child who needs a bit of structure or guidance to help her calm down.

IMHO we should all try to understand what goes on inside a child's head, as well as suggesting how to admonish her.

BTW, love the stories about cutting of plugs LOL

Floss x

CB1979_2

Obviously craving attention you're not giving her cos you're putting all concentration on your uni work.

not saying that's bad, but is to be expected especially if she's been a little b*tch in the past.

oh and worrying about what a P*ssed off kids says about wanting her mum dead, again is all about attention seeking, don't let it show it bothers you and she'll get bored pretty quickly.

I'm assuming you're going to be punishing her and removing her privileges for a while (ie no tv, console, pc, etc etc) and hope she doesn't think that she's on a little "holiday" rather than getting out of your face.

cos you may just find that she'll do something like this again and reply with "dad can you take me to nan's please"

morg_monster

You should get your OH to read "we need to talk about Kevin"... not that i am in ANY WAY likening your daughter to the teen psycho killer in the title, but the bits in that book where the dad thinks kevin is a fine normal boy and just "misunderstood" and only the mum can see what he's really like, and the fights and breakdown of communication that follow, really got to me when I read it. You do need to get OH on side with this. but clearly you already know that. good luck with the college work xxx

ameliarate

"oooo, I need to sympathise with the OP here - the child isn't necessarily undisciplined - my DD is EXACTLY the same (she's a very evil, nasty, rude 10year old), and she gets plenty of both love and discapline. Neither of her 2 siblins are like her and all get the same treatment."

See I don't get that, my DD would not have dared to be evil, nasty or rude at 10 - she started being rude at about 15 which got knocked down to being unpleasant because rudenss would not be tolerated - and the only children I have ever met who I would class as nasty and rude (never met an evil one) were that way because they were undisciplined. It's funny how, as a parent, we can think a think about our children which is completely incorrect - eg. that they are discliplined when actually we are extremely soft on them. A friends kids used to throw terrible tantrums in town, so she would buy them toys to keep them quiet - she never did get the link!!!!!

readytoscream

Thank you all for your advice, OH have sat and talked about this today and we both agree that she does need to be treated more grown up than OH has been. She isnt a naughty child for the most part I have to say, she has flare ups occasionally, 9 times out of 10 if she cant get her own way she accepts it and carries on, its just the odd occasion where she really does go OTT.

I asked her why she threw the water over my work and she admitted it was because it was the first thing she spotted that would hurt me, she isnt jealous or looking for attention, she just wanted to cause maximum disruption at the time.

OH bought her home last night and she was still unwell, she apologised and went to bed. I kept out of her way as much as possible, but she was so ill in the night I had to go into her, at which point she was very upset and very apologetic because she knew how upset with her I was and now she needed me.

Anyway, the upshot is, she is on the sofa, ill and feeling rotten. So rotten she took the tablet without any prompting.

Maybe it is hormones, I don't know. But if anything good has come out of this its that OH and his parents have finally realised that she is a cunning little madam and not the little sweet thing they thought she was, as such they will treat her a little more grown up in future.

floss2

Maybe you'll be lucky & not have as much teenage-induced stress:)

Glad things are a little more settled.

Floss x

[Deleted User]

just a quickie from a mum who was there and well and truly got the t shirt

As long as the boundaries are in place and you can hold them (with your oh of course) then your dd will eventually come around. Praise good behaviour or when she helps you, don`t give her attention when her behaviour is negative. Trap her in the car on a journey somewhere, so that she has to listen to you and you listen to her. Her boundaries are key here and be aware the bad, attention-seeking behaviour may not stop until she is through her teens.

Invite her friends round and encourage discussions because soon peers will be more important than family and it is good to know the peers

My dd came out of it at 19 and only because she was into horses, so hobbies are to be encouraged. Her hobby saved her and us and she eventually turned into a gorgeous, caring, hard-working young woman who is now happily married. In fact her review at work was that she was `outstanding`

I wish I had know that there would be a happy ending through all the tantrums and heartache. I just needed someone to say `it will be ok one day`and I am saying that to you OP.

Be strong. My dd had bad tantrums from 3 and was dreadful from 16 to 19. One day all this will seem like a bad dream to you too OP

POSSETTE

e numbers?? Does she eat as well as the others? They have dramatic effects on kids..some are affected some not.Yellow and red food colours are best to avoid i believe.

Plus i threw a tantrum when i was 6..i got slapped legs..i recall another at 8ish and i got tham slapped again...i got the message then and never did it again....never been in trouble and grown up caring for others..where's the link there do you think???
I disagree with stopping smacking..it works! I do also disagree with beating a child and bruising them.. before all the namby pamby human rights lot start!!

Mrs7ones

ameliarate wrote: »

"oooo, I need to sympathise with the OP here - the child isn't necessarily undisciplined - my DD is EXACTLY the same (she's a very evil, nasty, rude 10year old), and she gets plenty of both love and discapline. Neither of her 2 siblins are like her and all get the same treatment."

See I don't get that, my DD would not have dared to be evil, nasty or rude at 10 - she started being rude at about 15 which got knocked down to being unpleasant because rudenss would not be tolerated - and the only children I have ever met who I would class as nasty and rude (never met an evil one) were that way because they were undisciplined. It's funny how, as a parent, we can think a think about our children which is completely incorrect - eg. that they are discliplined when actually we are extremely soft on them. A friends kids used to throw terrible tantrums in town, so she would buy them toys to keep them quiet - she never did get the link!!!!!

You are so wrong there. All 3 of mine are disciplined, praise for good behaviour and bad behaviour is not tolerated. The have healthy diets (eat together every day at the table), plenty of exercise and are NOT spoilt. She is pulled up for her behaviour all the time but it just does not stop. I'd love for anyone here to come and meet us...... If I am not hard enough on my kids, then how come the other 2 are fine?

PayPeanuts_2

Just a quick note from the other side of the fence, I remember being that age and I remember the first time I realised my mum was a person herself who has feelings too! I can't offer any advice just to say that she may not realise the full power she has to hurt and upset you. Kids are quite self centred. So dont take it personally it sounds like you are doing all the right things.