advice on catholic in-laws

Savvy_Sue

hev wrote: »

Mind you, you can find anything in the Bible - except cats! :rolleyes:

There are big cats in the bible - several friendly lions!

I don't know if it would help but DH has written an article on what happens to unbaptised babies. Being as how he's neither the Pope nor a Catholic, I don't know if your partner's parents would find it relevant, interesting or useful, but it is thoughtful. PM me if you would like the link.

In churches who only baptise people once they can speak for themselves, you often find a service of naming, thanksgiving and blessing for babies. You probably don't want a church service at all, and it might not satisfy either, but they can sometimes be adapted, depends how flexible the minister is in terms of being sensitive to the conflicting family beliefs.

Nenen

I really admire you Jess for sticking to your principles. To those posters who advocate just going ahead with the baptism for the sake of peace, I would just like to say that an infant baptism in church (Cof E or RC) requires the parents and godparents to make a series of public statements about their beliefs (pasted below) in response to questions asked by the priest/vicar. Personally I would feel incredibly hypocritical and uncomfortable making those statements if I didn't have any faith! You are by implication promising to bring your child up in the faith.... not something I think one should promise unless one really means to do it.

If you do want to try and keep the peace or compromise with your in-laws then you might consider a non-conformist church (e.g. Baptist) ceremony of 'dedication' or a 'thanksgiving' ceremony in a CofE (see weblink). I'm not sure if an RC priest would be able/willing to do a thanksgiving ceremony for you but it might be worth considering as this is just a way of giving thanks for your baby and you don't have to make any statements/promises.


http://www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/baptismconfirm/baptism1.html
"When you bring your child for baptism, you will be asked to declare publicly on behalf of your child that you believe in God and that you will bring your child up to follow Jesus.
You will be asked to answer on your child's behalf, that you have decided to turn away from everything which is evil or sinful and to turn instead towards Christ.
The declarations made by you and the child's godparents will be made in front of the church congregation. the Christian community will promise to support you and pray for you and your child.
During the service, you will be asked to make the following declarations:

Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God? Parents and godparents: I reject them.

Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil? Parents and godparents: I renounce them.

Do you repent of the sins that separate us from God and neighbour? Parents and godparents: I repent of them.

Do you turn to Christ as Saviour? Parents and godparents: I turn to Christ.

Do you submit to Christ as Lord? Parents and godparents: I submit to Christ.

Do you come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life? Parents and godparents: I come to Christ."

Mojisola

jess901 wrote: »

they don't attend church

In addition to agreeing with Nenen's post, I'd just like to add that for your OH's parents to get upset at your child not being baptised when they don't attend church at least weekly is very hypocritical.

Baptism isn't a magic ticket into heaven - it's how you join the church. If you then don't follow the church's rules, I don't understand how you can feel strongly about babies being baptised or not.

Of course, that won't help with your relationship with your in-laws! I feel you just have to stand your ground - if you can't honestly say the words in the baptism ceremony, then you can't go ahead.

susancs

As a practising Catholics, my husband I chose to have our children baptised. In our case it was not because of a fear of limbo if our child died as I totally agree with previous posters that any God worth his/her salt would never reject an innocent child or indeed anyone who lived a good life. In our church as in most westminster area churches, the parish priest insists that the parents attend a baptismal course, before he will baptise a child. This quite a committment if you do not believe. Also your partner whom I assume was baptised Catholic would be expected to renew his baptismal promises. Your in-laws are probably in all honesty more concerned with the fact that their grandchild will not be part of the catholic community in years to come, than the service itself. In our area, the local Catholic primary and secondary schools have the best OFSTED resports and exam results and are really oversubsribed. Practicing Catholics with a letter signed by the priest, get priority for primary and in regard to secondary this and the fact a child attends the catholic feeder school gives priority. A lot of parents in this area have converted their whole family to catholic, just to get their child into the better schools. This rather than religious reasons may be worrying your bf parents. My brother and wife decided to get their youngest child bapstised, to send her to their local catholic school. It was hard on my neice as they did not participate in church/school events and she was the only one in her school year of 90 children who did not do her first communion (and she felt it). When it came to secondary school transfer time, all her friends went to the local Convent school, but she was turned down for a place at it (priority given to those attending mass regularly and having had first communion) and given a school that has poor results instead.

Soubrette

I am not religious and my children are not baptised.

Part of the reason for this is that I respect the fact that people often believe strongly in their religion of choice. I therefore find it just plain wrong to stand in front of these devout people and basically disrespect their religion by - what to me - is spouting a nonsense of which I have no belief or intention of following.

I completely understand that other people might do it for a variety of reasons but as I say, it makes me feel uncomfortable and disrespectful.

Sou

Shambler

When my parents had me I was not christenend.

They went to the local church and asked about it but the vicar said they would have to attend church regularly before he would consider christening me...so my dad did it himself at home :rotfl:

As Mojisola says, I think they are being very hypocritical because they don't even go to church regularly...it sounds like they want your child christened more for superstitious reasons than any other.

surreysaver

garys_missus wrote: »

I'm Catholic, practising but not yet perfect! Hubby is an athiest.

Hubby agreed, after many years of being asked by me, to be baptised,

Why were you asking him, and why did he agree? You forcing someone else to go with your views - I expect he only agreed to shut you up! It would mean nothing to him.

jinky67

Loretta wrote: »

Many years ago my sister had a baby by a married man which was bad enough (apparantly) but the worst bit of all, according to my mother was that she refused to have the baby baptised, catholics don't call it christened I think she was having a rebelious teenage moment and there were so many rows and hell fire and damnation. Very suddenly all this nagging stopped, just stopped dead. I later heard my mother telling her friend that everything was alright now as she had done it herself without my sister knowing. In an emergency anyone can baptise to save the person going to limbo, a nurse etc and my mother considered it to be an emergency that this baby who already had dire problems what with being illegitimate, a father who was not a catholic and being a man who was 'common' who she couldn't stand, would not be baptised in the normal way.

I think that whatever you do your in laws will probably do what my mother did, they won't be able to help themselves!

I find that thoroughly distasteful.
If I thought for one minute that anyone had done that to my kids i would never speak to them again.

To the OP I would say to the in-laws.."I am aware of your beliefs and you are entitled to them.But I dont share them,so we are having a naming ceremony instead.
We would both like it if you would attend,but understand if you feel you cannot."
That way the onus is on them...if they dont come, they are the ones who are losing out.
At the end of the day the kids are yours and if they dont like it tough

margaretclare

Loretta wrote: »

It's Limbo not hell

Thanks for the correction. So Limbo, IIRC, is a kind of 'no man's land' where the soul is just sort of floating about not knowing where to go - the phrase 'to be in limbo' has entered the language.

Thanks to Nenen for the description of the CofE baptism service. This is the same, or very similar, as used in the Methodist Church.

For a baby or a child, the parents and godparents are required to make certain commitments and state their own beliefs. The church community is asked to join in by stating they will help the parents and godparents to carry out those commitments. That being the case, I can't imagine how it would make the grandparents feel any better if they 'baptised' the baby without the parents' knowing.

Garys missus, I would never have asked my husband to be baptised if he was an atheist. He had come a long way from the religion in which he was brought up - Judaism - but he never lost his deep and abiding faith in God. He's not the man to do anything he doesn't feel convinced about, but the summer of 2004 was when he asked to be baptised, after attending the Methodist Church since 1997 and being married there in 2002.

Emmy_L

:rolleyes: I'm a 'non practicing' catholic,and not one of my three children have been baptised/christened!
My parents keep going on about how all of their grandchildren should be baptised catholic,it makes for good community spirit,better schools etc etc.
However,my oldest is already IN a catholic school,so not sure why they think her being 'dunked' now would change anything!:rolleyes:
I've told them that,if in the future,any of my children choose to attend church,then that will be their decision and I will support them as far as I am able,but for now,I am not going to choose a religion for them.:p