Workplace bullying - any advice?

Zazen999

ceejayblue.

I would respond saying that you don't want a home visit but are prepared to meet at a mutual meeting place [suggest somewhere suitable such as a hotel lobby where business people go].

Firstly, if they are telling you that a work colleague or union member can be there, it sounds like an excerpt from a disciplinary procedure not a long term sickness meeting.

Secondly, not sure of your procedures, but long term sickness in my old company was deemed to be after 6 weeks; and by your calcs it is only 5?? or am I wrong. The aim of long term sick reviews is to get you back to work, so they should come prepared with a 'back to work schedule' to allow you back in gradually.

Personally, i would write back to the HR adviser saying that you would rather meet him on his own, as it is your manager that has caused the stress/depression that you are currently suffering from. Make bullet points in the letter of the main points, and make it plain that you are keen to return to work, but you need to tell them what they can do to help you return to work. So, no more belittling, no confusing comments such as 'meeting objectives but no confidence in you', basically tell them how you need to be managed in order to get you back to achieving targets such as you were before this upset. Also point out the her reaction to you losing a friend impacted on your stress levels and you feel that it could have been handled much better.

You have to make a stand, and take control. Even if it gets you back for a few months until you get a better job - which means that this will be a blip rather than a long term CV issue.

Edited to add, if it is a disciplinary they want to pursue, then get a copy of the procedures before you say or do anything. And call ACAS.

ceejayblue

Thanks so much for this. I have already told them I want to be reasonable and am happy to have the meeting, especially if it means sorting things out and getting me back to work. At the moment I would prefer to have it on home turf because my husband will be around and I want him there for support and if things get nasty I can have the pleasure in asking them to leave!

Seriously though, unfortunately as I'm off work I can't get hold of any of the disciplinary procedures - my handbook is in the office and I wouldn't want to get someone to forward them to me and get them into trouble. However, I think I may ring the HR Adviser and ask him to email the long term sickness procedures so that I can look at them. He has been quite friendly to me in the past but I'm not sure that I can trust him not to say anything to my boss. That's been part of the problem I think, some people have been passing on discussions that I've been involved in with other members of staff (not me starting the discussions I might add - I am quite often the one who actually tries to support the boss's side!!!).

I think my decision to look for another job is probably the best one for me, as I am sure that things won't change that much but I do want to try and resolve things so that I can at least complete my notice period in a calm manner.

Thanks again for your advice.

Chris

Zazen999

No problem, you sound very calm and collected; just hope you can get it sorted and return to work with no problems. Seems like your boss needs some management training.

floss2

Your HR department should have sent you a copy of the procedures with any correspondence, particularly if they are asking for a home visit. So don't feel bad about asking for a copy - you have every right to have a copy, even more so when in a situation where you need to refer to them.

Suzkin

ceejayblue wrote: »

this morning whilst drafting an email to our HR Manager I received a letter from the HR Adviser saying that he and my boss want to visit me at home because of the fact that I've been off work for a considerable period and want to have a sickness review with me. My boss must have gone into HR the minute she put the phone down on me!

They've told me I can have a work colleague or Trade Union rep present but as I'm not in a union and I don't think its worth getting someone from work to attend I was going to have my neighbour (ex TU Rep!!) or my husband present but I know from having dealt with these sort of things for HR previously that they don't like relatives getting involved.

I'm now feeling more stressed than ever and feeling like they are pushing me to come back when I'm not ready. I dread to think what is going to be said. They say they want to discuss the nature and extent of my illness, whether it is work-related (Duh! Of course it is!!) and what they can do to help me recover and get back to work (should've thought of that weeks ago when they first knew of the problem), what treatment/medication I'm on and its effectiveness or likely success towards recovery, when do I think I will be fit to return to work plus any other issues I wish to discuss.

I am not sure about my boss being there at all as she is part of the problem - well the main part actually but if I say I don't want her there will that antagonise things? If they won't let my husband or friend be with me then I'll have to ask someone from the office but haven't a clue who. There are loads of people who have crossed swords with her in the past who I am sure would love to help but again if I choose one of them will it make matters worse? I really don't know.

This is EXACTLY what I was concerned about when I spoke to HR (it was me who initially made contact as I needed them to acknowledege my letter of complaint, which they claimed to have lost etc etc.).

HR said "We NEED YOU TO COME BACK TO WORK", in the same sentences she was using to arrange a meeting with me and my Manager. The problem is: I wanted the meeting as I was invoking the GRIEVANCE PROCEDURE, (i.e. filing a complaint) which is MUCH DIFFERENT from a 'Return back to work / sick absence review/disciplinary' which is probably what I suspect THEY will want it to become.

My boss is part of the big problem, also. I do not wish to meet with him. And so I shall try to meet with HR BEFORE seeing him and HR together. HR knows my boss, and they do not know me. And so for starters, MY BOSS has the advantage. Also, of course, it will be easier if I left - than my boss, of course, and so I know I will not have the full support that I need (and I do not know anyone outside of work I could ask, am not a Union member, and would NEVER ask anyone from my workplace to accompany me to this meeting).

This company are turning my request around - like EVERYTHING ELSE. They are PLAYING MIND GAMES THEY ARE SO SHODDY.

I am STILL awaiting a copy of my signed contract, which I asked for in my letter dated 20th May, and so I shall write a letter to them tomorrow, if it still does not arrive. :mad:

Suzkin

I forgot to say that last week, the female HR manager told me that a male would be coming down (and not her as her diary is full) to hear me.

Given the fact that most of the bullying has come from men, I asked for HER. She then said that this could take 2 weeks, w/c 9th June. I said fine, I shall wait - and so my GP has had to continue the sick notes until this is resolved. Now it has been almost 8 weeks!!!

I'm using the time to apply for other jobs - but am getting nowhere and getting no response...:o

ceejayblue

Suzkin wrote: »

I forgot to say that last week, the female HR manager told me that a male would be coming down (and not her as her diary is full) to hear me.

Given the fact that most of the bullying has come from men, I asked for HER. She then said that this could take 2 weeks, w/c 9th June. I said fine, I shall wait - and so my GP has had to continue the sick notes until this is resolved. Now it has been almost 8 weeks!!!

I'm using the time to apply for other jobs - but am getting nowhere and getting no response...:o

I'm looking for other jobs too. In fact an agency called me today with the offer of an interview for a job in London. Unfortunately I don't want to go back up to London, did it for 10 years several years ago and I don't want the hassle. However, I was honest with her that currently I am off sick with work related stress due to a person at work. She understood, and gave me the impression that if it had been due to the workload then there may have been a problem with an employer thinking I wouldn't be able to cope but as it is person related that's not likely to be a problem.

I have spoken to HR today and they are sending me a copy of the sickness procedures because I think they are envoking this review too soon and they have confirmed that my husband can be present during the meeting. I think they realise that alot of stuff is going to come out that they might not want other staff members to know!

There are jobs out there, its just a case of keep looking I gues and being honest and up front with the new employers that the reason you are leaving your old job is not that you couldn't do the job but that you were being bullied by your manager and you were not prepared to put up with it.

Chris

Poosmate

Hi all,

I must say I am saddened about the state of our employment conditions. I was off sick due to stress and depression for literally a whole year due to bullying from my manager. I wasn't the first and haven't been the last!

The first home visit I had from HR was originally to include my manager! Der! She was the reason I was off sick! lol! I told the HR man in no uncertain terms that that woman (actual words were that f*****g woman) was not to come anywhere near me! I think he realised how totaly broken I was and they rescheduled the visit. I went through it all on my own, even though I was in the union! I had literally been labotamised by the whole bullying thing - I was driving through red lights, I was taking pills left right and centre, I cried all the time, never opened the curtains, wouldn't go to bed because I didn't want to wake up in the morning so, everytime I woke up I was disapointed that I hadn't died in the night. How I didn't kill myself (by accident) I'll never know! My then manager's manager came to see me with HR. I think they realised how utterly broken I was when I sat in the dark, trembling and begging them why this woman had done this to me and how she could get away with doing it to so many before me.

They both helped me immensely - not necessarily on that first visit but subsequently and now that lovely manager that came to see me is now my manager and he thinks I'm wonderful! :-). He's seen me at rock bottom and I think he probably has some respect for me in that I have recovered, returned and am much stronger and able to stand up for myself especially as he's witnessed more bullyboy tactics from another manager that I was assigned to (who also is under his management). I guess he understands that we both drew the short straw in that he has 2 managers below him who have no people skills at all and I've "been unfortunate" (his words) to have had both as my managers! lol. The whole team I work with now realise the subtleties of workplace bullying - it took them a while to realise, at first putting it down to my paranoia, but then they actually looked and they saw it. They look after me now and support me and that makes going to work so worthwhile now. It's also made me realise that it really isn't me that's the problem. That realisation enabled me to relinquish ownership of the problem and put it squarely at the feet of those true owners, the bullies! Once I did that I was empowered with a much greater strength than any training, medicines or gyms could offer.

I hope some of this will help others who are suffering at the hands of bullies in the workforce.

Please be strong and stand up to those who are wrong!

Best of luck to you all

Poo

Darth_Trader

Poosmate - glad your story had a happy ending. It's oh so easy for the victims of bullying to be cast as 'weak' or 'unstable' and as you say, almost all of the time, the bullying is very subtle - designed to chip away and undermine the victim, without leaving a tangible trail back to the perpetrator.

Ceejay/Suzkin - I wasn't aware that a line-manager was actually allowed ANY contact with the employee if the sickness was due to bullying. This may have just been a guideline in the company where I used to work though, rather than law.

Suzkin

Darth Trader - that's VERY interesting. No-one has addressed that issue at all. I even wrote on my self-certification form that the reason I was off was due to the treatment I had been receiving as outlined in my letter etc. ALL the supervisors and the boss read this, and yet NO-one talked to me about it. It's a SHODDY company. When I've left, I'll tell you the company name.