Workplace bullying - any advice?

Suzkin

Doodles, thanks for putting it so in black & white! As some of their comments have been subtle (eg. under their breath but deliberatley in my earshot, and literally behind my back) over time, I've simply lost perspective..............

Doodles

Suzkin wrote: »

Doodles, thanks for putting it so in black & white! As some of their comments have been subtle (eg. under their breath but deliberatley in my earshot, and literally behind my back) over time, I've simply lost perspective..............

No problem Suzkin, I hope it didn't come across as harsh though as I didnt mean it that way . I've been in situations before with bosses from hell, awkward colleagues and realise totally that it can really grind you down and make you lose perspective and also confidence. Its only when I've left a job where I've thought to myself, oh why did I put up with that etc. Just think of them as the losers they obviously are, you're better than that and will get yourself a good job, with great colleagues. And I'll keep my fingers crossed that happens quickly for you.

Also, I live with just my son and know its difficult when you're going through a bad patch and have no-one (adult) to 'bounce off' or tell you you're doing something wrong, or something right. Sometimes you feel like you just gotta have a rant don't you!

ceridwen

Well - one thought about the "behind your back" comments you are meant to overhear:

- that must mean they dont have a legal "leg to stand on" to go in for that sort of tactics. Voice of experience time on that one - as I've been on the receiving end of that sort of tactic myself before in my time. I know its not pleasant to say the least - keep your chin up gal.

And keep a diary of events - this time/this date - "such and such happened".

Suzkin

Hi Ceridwen,

Yes, I did write a list of stuff (with dates/times), and enclosed this in my letter of complaint - it ran into 7 A4 pages. Absolutely everything was true.

Bet that shocked them .............in response, without any discussion, they placed me furthest away from the office and main desk and closest to the door....

They don't want to change (and wont), and so their way of dealing with it was to push me even further away!

teeyr

A few months ago I was referred to a specialist about treatment. It took me three attempts to create a holiday date, and then book the appointment. My employer finally phoned the hospital herself, to ensure I took the time off which suited the company.

At my hospital appointment, I was immediately booked in for surgery, and the next day I informed my employer. She seemed very vague, so eventually, I took my appointment card to her and told her the date of my operation and that it was on the appointment card. She said she could not let me have the time off, unless she told two of my other colleagues to cancel their holidays.

She made me feel absolutely terrible!!

After I left, she informed my colleagues that "I would be telling them that they would not be getting their holidays because of my op".

I know she is going to make my life hell for the next six weeks....... Any comments or help would be welcome!!!

Suzkin

Even though she seems quite 'rigid' in her thinking, I'd just make a mental note of her remark - you may want to also make a written note to yourself, in case the problems are sustained, in which case you may want to have a meeting with her to talk things through.

If your company has a grievenace document which should also include harrassment policy, read this. It should give examples of: insulting and intimidating behaviour, victimisation etc.

Do you have a line manager/HR person you could talk to? She probably has a training (attitude) need, and it may be worth flagging her comment to them - but be careful....

As I say, I was actually called names and they deliberately tried to disparage my character: the perpetrator supervisor - in my best month - said to me "You know, when the boss writes a reference, he not only comments on performance but character" (alarm bells were ringing, as I didn't know why he was telling ME this). One week later and he started calling me names and making out that I was unstable, Hitler, he called me a "bully" (when I offered to sit with someone to help them improve their results), and his female mate (now promoted to supervisor) called me "Wierdo" on several occasions, I was also called a liar etc etc. PLUS MORE.

There are also bullying websites, which will define bullying for you - with helpful case studies.

Wicked_witch

teeyr, i think it's safe to say that it has the potential to become bullying if it isn't already and as such, as suze suggests, needs to be flagged up before it gets to the point where you end up in her position.

CFC

Suzkin, when you resign. if you have concerns about your reference, tell the boss that you will be looking for your prospective employers to only receive a normal short reference detailing the fact that you worked there, how long for, your position and that you resigned.
If you let him know that you are fully aware that employers who write references which they cannot fully substantiate are putting themselves at risk of legal action, and that if the feedback from any future employer was that you received an unsatisfactory reference, that you will take it further.

Do it very nicely and in a non threatening way. In a two bit environment, you'll often find that employers are not aware of their exposure to risk.

I suggest you put a formal grievance in through the official process in writing, you can do this even after leaving.

ceejayblue

I'm currently off work with stress/anxiety. I've worked for the company for 7 years and always had a good sickness record and have been, as far as I'm aware, a valued employee.

During my time there have been 3 restructures and following this last one my post of secretary was not considered necessary and they skill matched me to a job as Office Services Administrator. However, as my salary was around £4k higher than the level of the new job they said I could keep my salary until the senior managers that I support moved to new offices several miles away. My salary would then be frozen for 2 years until the job salary level comes up to mine - that would mean not even cost of living rises for 2 years. I agreed to this because I am 56 and in 5 years I will be retiring and at least it meant I still had a good salary for a lesser job.

However, my boss is my problem. Although I support senior managers my actual boss is a middle manager. She has moments when she is fantastic and great to work for but show any sign of weakness or do something slight wrong and she becomes the boss from hell. Over the years we have clashed a couple of times but this time there was no big clash just a continual undermining of my confidence. She kept telling me that I was the highest paid in her team and that my work wasn't up to it. We lost a dear friend in January and it hit me hard, it acted as a catalyst to a lot of other problems at work. I was not myself and rather than address it she kept being very picky with me and my work. This made me very insecure and my stress levels began to rise.

In March we had a "chat" because someone had said I was not being a good influence on the rest of the office. I explained that my GP had said I was suffering from stress and possible high blood pressure (later confirmed). She said there were other people in the organisation with much more reason to be stressed than me! She also said to go a way and think about how the company could help me get over the stress. I thought, that's good she's going to help.

After a couple of days my appraisal was due as was the meeting to discuss my stress levels. Unfortunately they ended up as one meeting. On one hand she was saying I had achieved my objectives for last year, then she said she didn't have any confidence in me! What a thing to say to someone already feeling low and anxious. I carried on working to the best of my ability but we had a 2nd rebranding and an inspection due in April and May and so our team was very stretched. This lead to her being particularly stressed herself but she took most of it out on me. Little comments, pushing extra work onto me etc. One day she just moaned a bit too much and the next morning on the way to work I had a panic attack.

I have now been off with stress for nearly 3 weeks and am going on holiday on Saturday to get away from things. But I have decided to leave my job, although I am on very good money and have 29 days annual leave and flexible working I have had to make a decision about whether that is all worth the stress that I'm under and its not. Problem is do I just hand in my notice or make a point about her actions towards me - we had a big set to about 18 months ago which HR and Senior Manager know about but which I didn't take as far as grievance because I knew it would only make matters worse.

I don't think I have the stomach for a long haul grievance procedure and I think that's what companies rely on. They give lip service to being concerned about employees' health but really they would like us to go quietly and without a fuss.

Now I have made the decision to leave, however, I am feeling much more at ease and although I won't earn the same money I am sure that my decision to move jobs is the right one. However, I am concerned about a reference as before this I had only had 4 days sickness in 4 years and work related stress doesn't look good on a CV.

Chris

judy2357

Would it be worth phoning Acas, Ive always found them very informative and would let you know how you stand.