Tired of being afraid

Burlesque_Babe

have to say judy, I was going to suggest the same. I work at an Adult Learning centre (old 'night school') and there are just dozens of courses - arts, crafts, computer type stuff, languages, maths and english, cookery, beadcraft. Some courses last a few weeks, some a day - some just 3 hours! Some are daytime, some in the evenings - some even on a Saturday.

The age range is huge - literally 18-80 (and above!) and it's really great. Yoga and Pilates is popular as are the art classes.

I'm doing the first qualification towards becoming a teacher of adults, but a few months ago, i'd never have believed i'd have had the confidence to even go let alone consider teaching - I had my confidence wiped out and it has taken me a year to get myself back together, back to work and back to wondering what I want to do in life.

Some learners are terrified because of their own classroom experiences as a child - even setting foot inside one is a challenge for some, but they soon see it is a very different environment.

rosyc_2

keren29 wrote: »

Every post you make is another tiny step out of it.........believe me - I've been there and the support was amazing from the wonderful people on here. They are :A

Thankyou, I know you are right, but it has taken so long to get to this point, am really struggling to carry on, have not felt this low for a long time, I keep coming on here complaining and then feeling guilty because there are so many people here worse off than me, but struggling on by myself has just got so difficult, truly believe I have never felt so low, at the moment I am feeling better for a few minutes then worse again, feel it is a combination of everything, feel like I am going to be lonely forever, I quite like my own company usually, but recenlty have been feeling I will be an old maid forever. Am so glad I found this site as you are right, I am getting lots of support and its nice to feel part of something. Just feel I should be able to pull myself together but i can't. Have never felt so useless.

Burlesque_Babe

never feel guilty about talking on MSE about how you feel, god, I have ranted and whinged on in the past about my 'stuff' and everyone is still there talking to me!

I really feel a trip to the doc might help - I never thought I'd go as low as telling him how I felt, but I basically had some kind of breakdown and I was on anti-depressants for around 6 months. They took a month or so to start to take any kind of 'edge' off it all, but they did help me to at least get through each day until things took a turn for the better generally.

rosyc_2

Judy and keren, I know what you say is true but at the moment I just spend evey spare minute trying to earn money, its like a compulsion to get everything paid off, I think you are so right about the loneliness, but I think I've just got so used to it. Just feel so deflated if that's the right word. If I knew everything would turn out alright I would feel much better, but it's the not knowing. Think if I could get one problem sorted, everything else wouldn't seem so bad. If I was to do an evening class I think it would be a language class or something like that, but I imagine there are lots of classes I haven't even thought of, so I may do some research.

lincs1205

Hi Rosyc, i am a newbie as well, im 29 and have been qualified as a nurse for nearly 2 years now. i have got debts of 13500 with a default attached to one of those which i have just finished paying off, im single as well still living at home with my parents. but have decided that once i have finished paying my debts off hopefully by december or january i am going to go travelling probably for a year or so, i would like to meet somebody and get my own house but i want to make the most of my life as life is to short. I hit a really low period while i was in the last year of my training i was unable to pay my rent due to my own stupidity in not budgeting appropriately id fall behing with one months rent then another then another until in the end during the holidays my landlords contacted me and threatened to take me to court, my parents bailed me out but i came really close to thinking about taking my own life. but i didnt im now qualified and have got a gorgeous nephew who i adore. Sorry for rambling dont know where that came from.

judy2357

Think maybe you are depressed perhaps you should have word with your doctor. I have been in a similar position although it was 25 years ago and really you have to get out there and meet people. How about joining an exercise class, trust me we women all have a laugh when trying to get fit. Legs bums and tums sessions are a laugh and maybe just maybe you will meet someone else in a similar position.

Burlesque_Babe

rosyc wrote: »

I just spend evey spare minute trying to earn money, its like a compulsion to get everything paid off,

yep - been there. I was working 2 jobs to pay off £25,000 of debt with the help of MSE and was basically doing a minimum 60 hour week, every week. I had an appalling work situation (which led to the depression and break down), I was trying to study for a Masters degree, keep the house together, problems with my OH and trying pay for food for 2 on an absolute pittance of a budget and I never went out other than work - ever.

It all fell apart for a bit and then I realised I had to stop something, somewhere. I didn't progress with the Masters (good call with my change of career), decided to take on the situation at work and got help at the doctors.

It WILL get better. Until then, take each day at a time, have a read around some of the threads and challenges, say hello wherever you fancy it and trust me, we'll get you through it.

rosyc_2

Hi, an exercise class would be a good idea, I will look to see if there is one near me, you're right there may be others in a similar position am just so tired at the moment, but I could look for one available on weekends as am less busy then, feel something has got to change, even if it's only small things, which is part of the reason i decided to post on here, needed to get out of my rut, I realise it may not seem a big step to some people, but i have never posted anything anywhere, can barely manage to email, so was a big step for me and have already "met" so many nice people.

Burlesque_Babe

I was also knackered all the time. I 'existed' I didn't 'live'.

Doing something will really kickstart stuff - everything changed for me with a really bizarre 'fate' conversation with a tutor when I went on a half day Excel course at the Ad. Ed. Centre before I'd even started my job there.

I almost didn't go as I was still scared of going out anywhere, but fate's a funny old !!!!!! and now I feel that everything has come on in leaps and bounds!

Tustastic

Rosy, I'm no expert but I believe that it is possible to approach loan providers and ask them what sum they would accept in 'full and final settlement' of the loan. Sometimes this can be significantly less than the amount you would pay if you just carried on making monthly payments until the loan came to an end.
How about phoning and asking about this? The worst they can say is no and you will have lost nothing by asking. If they said yes, then you could use some of your savings to do it.:)
BTW, your phone bill seems high - worth reviewing.
Worth doing a full SOA using the link I put in my earlier post. Food, shoes, clothes, haircuts, presents - they all need to be budgeted for. It might well give you more financial confidence if you really nailed down exactly what your outgoings are.