Tired of being afraid

rosyc_2

Hi, this is my first post but I have been a lurker for a while now and I have found this site and the people on it so friendly and helpful, so I decided to be brave and make my first ever post as I would appreciate some help and advice. Basically I have been in debt my whole adult life, culminating in the day I added it all up and found out I was £17,000 in debt. I got a second job, this was about 5 years ago, and I now owe about £3,000. I have found it very difficult to curb my overspending, which means I am now 34 with no home, a car on its last legs and no assets. I live in rented accomodation and I just can't see a way I will ever be able to own my own home. I am so sick of constantly stuggling and I can't remember the last time I was happy. I just can't cope anymore it is relentless. I do not have anyone to talk to about this. Everywhere I look I see couples, am so sick of being alone and afraid, I feel like I will never meet anyone, I can't cope with the thought of spending the rest of my life alone and struggling but just can't imagine how it will ever be any different. I am lonely all the time, I can't even put it in to words. I cannot face the rest of my life being like this. Just recently my flatmates have moved out, am sat in house feeling lonely, sick and scared. I don't know how it all turned out like this. I am shy and don't make friends easily. All I can see is a future of no money, no fun and no anything. I am sorry for rambling but everything has just got on top of me at the moment. Am sat here in tears and I don't know what to do. I probably haven't expressed myself very well. I just can't cope. How can I ever get away from this?

Sammy_Girl

Hi Rosy,
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. You have done the absolute best thing by opening up and getting it all out. I am new myself as well and you will find everyone on here so supportive. You will get so much good advice. Sammy x

SuzySu

Hi RosyC and welcome to the forum :hello:

You won't find a nicer, more supportive and helpful bunch of people anywhere. You will get lots of practical advice and emotional support if you stick around for a while.

It looks as though you have done fantastically well already in reducing your debt from £17,000 to £3,000 :T . There is light at the end of your very long tunnel and you must keep believing in yourself. Please don't feel so despondent - log on here every day and join in with the chat. This board is one of the friendliest on the forum and there are a lot of people who are or have been in your situation. It's also a great place to make friends.

Why don't you have a go at posting your SOA for us to have a look at and maybe we can suggest ways to reduce your outgoings.

Keep us posted.

meyore

Aw, I don't really have any advice for you, but someone will be along in a bit who can help. Just want to say I can identify with how you're feeling, but you've come so far so don't be too hard on yourself. Things will get easier, just hang in there.

Xx

Burlesque_Babe

welcome - you'll find lots of wonderfully supportive people here.

First thing to say - well done on reducing the debt to £3k - you've worked bloody hard to achieve that - you should be proud of yourself!

With regards to the loneliness, I know it's probably of no help, but there are plently of people in relationships who also feel incredibly lonely - and probably rather envious of your single status!

I am also very shy (contrary to what some may say on here!) and find it hard to socialise unless I know the people really well.

Keep posting - pop over to the DFW daily chat thread and say hello - you'll be made very welcome.

I've also suffered from depression and it sounds as if your quite low in lots of areas. Have you spoken to your GP? Working 2 jobs is bound to get to you after a while and you probably need to just 'stop' and have some 'me' time.

We can all help you knock that last £3k on the head. Why not pop up a Statement of Affairs and we can support you.

Stick around and you'll make some wonderful friends on here - trust me 100% on this.

MattsMoney

The first positive to take from what you've shared is that you have reduced your debt considerably - that's something that so many people are afraid to do, so already you are ahead of the pack there.

I used to be shy, secluded and in a vicious cycle of beating myself up because of my seemingly unchangeable life of being alone. I've had all sorts of "interventions" as have many others, but I finally realised that the reason I was not playing out my dreams of socialising was that I took the situation so seriously. Whatever was scaring me about being outgoing was never going to kill me, and as soon as I realised the risk of just going and talking to people was so insignificant compared to my fears, I began to talk to random people. I instantly found others warmed to me, because they had similar fears to what I used to encounter (clue: everyone is at least minutely nervous when talking to new people).

I am now addicted to talking to new people, smiling, making others smile etc. It's the most amazing feeling - and I promise you that the big jump that it feels like is a mirage.

Most important words ever told to me : There is absolutely no proof that anything in life is serious, or indeed life itself.

Deep_In_Debt

Hi rosyc, you are not alone. I'm on my own and I have a similar amount of debt. Believe me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel although it does seem hard to believe at first, you always seem to think you are the only one. You'll get loads of support here. My first step was to call CCCS. It's the best thing I've done in a long time. I spent too long buring my head in the sand thinking it would be ok but then realised that I couldn't cope any more. I acutally cried on the phone to a CCCS counsellor!
You have friends here.

SuzySu

I think most of us have cried on the phone due to our debt problems......you think you are fine inside but actually talking about it/admitting you have a debt problem is very emotional.

Deep_In_Debt

Sorry another thing I wish to say, I'm happy being single...it's not all that bad and not the end of the world. I got into debt because my ex BF of 12 years got me there, at least now I can live my life the way I want to. It's not all bad being single is it..?

rosyc_2

Thankyou everybody, am so relieved to have some replies. I feel better now for writing it down. I do try to stay positive but yes, i do get very tired. Am just having a huge panic attack about the future at the moment but am so glad I decided to post. Think I am just so sick of not having anyone to turn to at the moment

mancbird

Hi Rosy,

Welcome to MSE I've not been on here very long either but what I have noticed is how friendly and supportive everyone on here is. A huuuuuuugggggeeee WELL DONE on reducing your debt to £3k, I'm not sure what the best way for you to reduce it further is but if you were to post a SOA I'm sure you will be able to get lots of advice from the fab people on here

You're not alone in feeling the way you are doing, we've all been there and you will get through it

Take care