I'm depressed! DH wants different things...

PasturesNew

The easiest way would be to agree an amount of money that goes into the pot and everything over that is his. He deserves to spend the extra how he wants as he's earnt it. Or perhaps an agreement that there is a pot + the pot gets 25% of extra.

What he then spends his money on shouldn't be up for discussion, so long as he's forking out for the pot in the first instance.

From his perspective, it's his earnt money and you've unilaterally got a strop as he won't spend it on something you want. Which is the best way to spend it is an entirely different matter because at the moment you have different viewpoints and priorities.

jak

I have to say I disagree. My money seems to be his money as well as his...This is where our problems are coming from I think...
THey whole point is we are a family now and as such we need to work together towards similar aims...

Alison1604

Zazen999 wrote: »

Not sure about depressed; you should hold your head up high and feel embarassed for him.

Prison BReak on DVD???

If it was me, I'd sell the DVD player and see how he likes it.

The man needs to get a grip and take responsibility.

I agree, but it's hard to "make" someone responsible who just doesn't want to be. Reminds me of my 1st husband who, around the time I had been on maternity leave for 10 months (ie with no salary) and was just about to return to work, he decided to go out and buy himself a sweatshirt. He bought a very expensive one (spending the equivalent of a weeks shopping!!) Meanwhile, I needed some smart shoes for the office, but rather than spend money we hadn't got, I found a pair in the wardrobe and got them soled and heeled until my first pay cheque. It's a cliche, but in a marriage you have to pull together.

jak

I know what you mean. I feel guilty even having this conversation. I feel like he should get some sort of reward for all his hard work...but I just wish he would put us first sometimes. It wouldn't even occur to him...
I doesn't help that i'm 29 weeks pg. and working 6 nights in a row to try and pay off said credit card. That can make a girl a bit iffy.
It's funny how us girls tend to fall
into these roles isn't it? I mean of putting the family first etc. while the man of the house has a more lenient existence.
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jak

Just paid the extra money off my credit card. All except £30- for Prison Break Season 2 if I can get it for that...
Seems fair enough!

Merry_Gentry

jak wrote: »

I have to say I disagree. My money seems to be his money as well as his...This is where our problems are coming from I think...
THey whole point is we are a family now and as such we need to work together towards similar aims...

Hey Jak

Reading this I was nodding along. That is, and always has been the major problem between me and my husband. My money goes on us as a family, his money goes on him. Unfortunately, we have reached the point where I can't handle this anymore and our relationship has broken down. Add to which, I finally yanked his head out of the sand and we are looking at bankruptcy.

I would be very very careful about the debts that you have. I totally understand that they are joint, but if they are in your name then I think it's only you that's liable, and if he decides that Prison Break comes first there's not much you can do.

Sorry to be such a misery-guts - smack me over the head with a kipper if it helps!

lazarou_true

Just been reading your thread and you have my sympathy. I understand exactly where you are coming from.

Partner currently only brings in £90 a month (long story) so I have to pay for everything. Yet he is in two bands, and basically does what he wants when he wants. I do restrict the money he gets but I'm made to feel tight, when actually all I'm trying to do is keep us going as a family.

PS- also on nights, it can make you extra sensitive with regard to issues like this.

T

jak

I know, I think it's having the time to dwell on it...
I'm made to feel like i'm being tight too but it's the only way we can keep our head above the water so to speak. We have had the most horrendous winter. I've only been earning £60 pw and dh couldn't work due to visa restrictions so things have been beyond tight!!! We are still waiting to hear on his spousal visa but as things stand if he doesn't hear by Nov. then he can't work again andi'll be on mat leave on basic mat allowance so i'm really determined to sort things out money wise while we can.
I just want him to think ahead a tiny little bit and realise that we HAVE to do this for our family. The thing is, if he doesn't hear about his visa by then it's against the law for him to work- so he'd be unable to do anything at all then.
It seems like the only thing we argue about is money...
J
x

lazarou_true

It's hard but it sounds like you've got your head screwed on.

Coming on here is great for the advice and support, isn't it?
I don't post that often but I lurk most days / nights.

You'll get there, you've got all the stress of the visa situation as well as those raging pregnancy hormones to contend with. <<<<HUGS>>>>>

jak

Thanks L_t. It's a real help having this forum. I didn't post much to start with but I never shut up now...
Thanks for your support
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