I'm depressed! DH wants different things...

GunJack

smashed - no, I wasn't on a night shift, just being an insomniac, and doing some work and surfing to pass the time Up worrying about my dw and kids, like a good dad should...

Cleosmum

One thing I have learnt is that you cant change em, so you may be waiting a rather long time if you think he will/might. I stayed with a man similar to your husband, for 10 years, before realising that you cant change them because they dont see anything wrong. My ex would rather go to footie, buy secret takeaways, use fruit machines etc than buy food for the family toward the end, and I realised it was me that had to give and I asked him to leave - havent looked back since

izzybusy23

jak wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem?

Yes, yes and yes. My DH's money gets paid into my bank account as all the 'joint' stuff comes out of there and he constantly whinges he never sees any of it... but forgets when he got his bonus a few months ago he blew over £200 on 'himself' whilst I paid some money off my credit card.

In fact, I am so naffed off with him moaning that he never has any money that I've told him anything earnt over a certain amount he can have each month, but if he wastes it on DS Lite games or cr&p then I will have it back!

MEN!

Puzzledbubbles

Hey,

I agree with you and i disagree with you at the same time ......

My OH also suffers from pps and takes great joy in spending his cash on whatever he wants (sometimes this is nights in the pub where he can get through £40 or others its us going for a drive and him treating me to lunch)

This is compeltely different to my point of view, if im going out i save before hand, or i drink on coke one alcoholoic drink and then change to water later in the night to save my cash.

But this board and the patience and flippancy of hubby have taught me that our opinions are just different.

Give me spare cash and ill save it or use it to pay something off if possible, but that just doesnt occur to hubby.

Everyone says that he is rubbish with money and that im the sensible one, which i guess is true, but he works hard and enjoys his cash.

I know that all of our monthly bills are paid and that is the main thing, he earns more than me and contributes more than me to the house, and as much as i would love that extra £40 for a cc overpayment, im not going to fight him for it, its his cash and if he wants to "waste it" then thats up to him.

Tigsteroonie

Can you point your OH to this website?

My OH (oh'eck, he'll read this, quick bury the thread!) used to be quite good with money but then would come home with a few DVD's, special mugs he'd found at a pottery, ...

Now (thanks to this website) we've paid off credit cards, we've got ISA's, and he's a MFW!

cat4772

Jak

I'm going to have to say "TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT MONEY AND YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF OVERTIME EARNED". Sorry for shouting.

Wayne not only has PPS, he's crap with money full stop. £10 in his pocket is gone in 60 seconds.

When I took responsibility for paying all bills and dishing out spending money each week, I made sure he was happy with the 'overtime plan'. Essentially any overtime he earns is split into 3, 1/3 put into the mortgage offset ISA (our future), 1/3 towards the visa (his debt) and the final 1/3 is put into his 'instant access account' and he can spend this on anything he wants and I'm not going to ask any questions or complain. We stick to this plan whether he earns £1 overtime or £100 overtime and because we agreed to this he's perfectly happy (or at least he doesn't moan about it;)).

We sit down and discuss money, insofaras I'll tell him what our current debt is (yes it's going down - fast), how long it should take to become debt free and what we'd like to save up for (he gets first choice and I'm happy with that because we'll be debt free).

At first though any talk of money would lead to a full scale row (we're talking divorce lawyers at 20 paces) so instead of [STRIKE]arguing[/STRIKE] talking we'd write letters to each other. Sounds silly but it's quite hard to argue by letter. He read and appreciated my reasons for wanting to become debt free. I read an appreciated his excuses for silly spending:rolleyes:.

Other things I found really helpful when discussing money issues with him (and fearing a full scale war) was to ask him to consider me and my position "how do you think *I* feel" and at the same time acknowledge him and his feelings (yes he's worked hard earning the overtime and I can see that he'd like to spend it all on himself and once we're debt free he can gladly have all of it but until then, I'd like this % to go here and this % to go there BUT only if he's happy, and the sooner we're debt free the sooner he can have all of it;)).

It might not work immediately but try not to get worked up about it. Of course, there are times when having a blazing row is just what's needed and only you know how your husband will react and what's best for your situation.

Good luck with it and keep us posted.

Cat.x

bank_of_slate

You need to keep showing him the situation, inc the snowballing!
while he thinks "Ah well doesn't matter, her indoors is sorting out the finances, resentment will build between you.
If all else fails give him a good smack round the head with a frying pan.
...Linda xx

brokeinwales

To be honest if its over time it should be his unless you are struggling to eat!

That was the first thing I thought as well - I can see where you're coming from, but I'd get a bit annoyed too if someone started confiscating my extra money and deciding what should be done with it on my behalf - unless you'd agreed beforehand what it ought to be used for. Not that I would say I'm in any position to be telling people what they ought to do - but I can see his point.

jak

RE: THe overtime should be his...
We had to put bills etc. on my cc because he has been unable to work for the last 4 winters. So i've been supporting both of us while he brings in nothing.
That is why it annoys me so much... The debt might be in my name...but it is joint debt.
I'm going to go through money stuff with him before work and hope for the best... Need him to understand that we need to pay off what we owe....
I just feel like when we pay everything off and we start to save for a deposit for a house(my absolute ambition- sad but true...)- he'll just think it's spending money.
Anyway. . .
Wish me luck
X

cat4772

Good luck hun.

Cat.x