I'm depressed! DH wants different things...

puddingcat

Hi All,

New to these baords and just having a nosey round... May I ask, for those of you whom share finances, how long have you been together?

My OH and I have been together 4 years, and we live together (not married or engaged) but keep our finances completely seperate, he's in debt, I have savings. I would never dream of using some of my savings for his debt, he got himself into it, he can get himself out of it.

His name is on the tenancy agreement though I pay my share of the rent direct to the landlord. Bills are split 50/50, and when we go out it's usually my treat (as I earn more and don't mind this) but if he so much as borrows £10 from me I always insist I have it back before the end of the month.

Soon (well depending on housing market) we want to buy, but cos of my good credit Hx and his bad, it will be me who gets the mortgage and puts up the deposit, he will be my 'tenant' and pay a fixed rate each month, he will even have a tenancy agreement.

I keep out finances completly seperate so I don't ever fall into a situation like this, but am I the odd one out?

If the situation was reversed and it was me in debt and my OH earned more then I would still want it this way, I feel financially we should be responsible for ourselves.

That said we have no kids. Dunno what'll happen then if we ever do!

Lady_S

wendy24g wrote: »

I need new glasses which will set me back c 100 as I now struggle to read in the afternoon with my current ones but will I spend the money? No i'd let my OH spend £150 going to europe for a day oh and £75 on a golf club. I happy for him to have/do both but why cant I reason with myself to spend money on something important?

Must be a female thing!

have you thought about buying your glasses online through somewhere like directspecs or selectspecs?

miss_corerupted

puddingcat, when i move in with my boyf everything will be split 60/40
with me paying bigger bit as i get more than him and tbh if we didn't do it that way i don't think he could afford it

we will have a joint account, but will only deposit our share in there, anything left is ours to spend as we want

kizzykizzywizzy

Puddingcat, it doesn't sound very romantic, but VERY sensible, if we all did what you are doing, there would be a lot less hassle!!
I have given up trying to stop my Hubby from spending now as I just can't be bothered to argue................he can't spend too much as on a ship, but you'd be surprised ( bar bill!! spending money when they go ashore etc ) but still a lot less than he would've spent if he was home & apparently he has to have some fun - whereas I don't!, funny that

kevsadie82

it took my other half 2 years for him to think..."!!!! i got more bills than money,a son and a baby on the way....hmmm perhaps i should stay in a job and support them....?!? but he finally did now he's better than i am!! he'll wake up one day! smash up the dvd player-then he wont need the dvd box set!!

jak

So I tried to discuss money with him before I came to work but he said can we do it Thursday when we are both off work. This is a typical conversation and I know he dooesn't realsie he does it- but this sums up what is wrong with his whole attitude...
So...THursday it is...

oOMiaOo

Hey Jak,

Firstly, thanks for posting this thread - I'm just starting to share my finances with my boyf, so it's really good to hear all the different sides!

I can see why you're frustrated by your partner putting the chat off, but it probably IS a good idea to do it when you're both off work, and have some uninterrupted time with each other. Plus, it gives you a few more days to think about what you want to say and achieve, and to get the advice of others on this thread.

Can I ask, if you can imagine your "meeting" with your partner on Thursday, how would you ideally like it to turn out?

Mia

jak

My ideal senario would be for him to see the cost of our bills and understand that i'm not being tight. I want him to take some responsibility for our finances. EG. The ideal senario would be to see that when we've paid off our debts we can then afford to have more spare/save a deposit for a house/have a nice holiday etc.
I want him to see that by living by our budget we can have a better quality of life. THat is my main aim...
I also want him to accept that the debt is JOINT as he contributed to it, therefore he should help to pay it off.
Ummm really I just want him to put out family first. THat's it in a nut shell...

skintas_2

anooying aint the word, my partner decided he wanted to go out on the town last saturday nite, so he got a babysitter and a taxi and went out while i was at work, spent over 3140, which i needed this week to pay council tax fir april which was later,school dinners and kids after school clubs this week we now have 310 till thursday. im so annoyed men dont understand. i also have had to cancel dd. my oh gets carried away, then i feel its me and the kids have to suffer because of his selfishness

oOMiaOo

Well, that seems to me a really clear and constructive way of putting it - I'd say it just like that! Good luck with it!