Meeting new people with little or no money - Is it possible??

bathgatebuyer

ZTD wrote: »

Good. Now what interests do you have? Have you tried looking for local clubs, or even other boards (yes - the rumours are true - they do exist...) which have those interests as their focus?

Yes. I spend a lot of time on fitness websites as well as football ones.

Seriously though, you need to start believing in yourself. If you meet people with the attitute "You won't like me because..." then they may try to meet your expectations.
I have never thought that about myself, however I'm fed up having my 'niceness' lobbed back in my face like it's some sort of weakness. It's not worth it anymore.

It's not what you look like that matters, it's what's between your ears and how it shapes what comes out of your mouth.
Sorry, I don't believe that. How many men want to get to know a fat, ugly 5'2" woman with a heart of gold? None. They want Miss Leggy Trophy that their mates will be impressed by. I know that's a sweeping generalisation, but 95% of the time, it works like that.

It's nothing to cry about. You just need to know what you want. Then - and only then - can you start a plan of action to get it.
This all sounds very familiar. In 2004 I started a period of counselling after trying to end it all. The reason? Loneliness. I did the whole 'action planning' and CBT stuff and what happened? 4 years down the line, loneliness is something that doesn't affect me day-to-day, but it only takes thinking about talking about it to remind me how dark things have been as a result of being lonely. (Kind of why this is my last post on this particular subject - I know people are trying to be nice but it scratches some old wounds and I should not have opened myself up to that.)

This place should be good for you.
It is. I no longer have to worry about money stuff on top of everything else.

Why don't you get chatting with people on here who interest you and who are in places you can, and would like to go. May lead nowhere, or may lead to a night of laughing and fun.
In all honesty, it's a bit cliquey!

You don't know until you try.
I've tried - many times. And the constant knockbacks for even the most basic things is pretty much why I backed away from people.

Seriously, thanks for the suggestions, but this is one thread that I can't revisit.
[/quote]

kipwilliams

bathgateperson....hello. sounds like you are having a lot of the feelings i am/have had both now and in the past...although i'm a 6ft1, ugly bloke


lucy....i'm still convinced we worked in the same office for a while, although i have no idea who you are

ZTD

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

Yes. I spend a lot of time on fitness websites as well as football ones.

I'll come back to this when I generalise outrageously later on.

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

Seriously though, you need to start believing in yourself. If you meet people with the attitute "You won't like me because..." then they may try to meet your expectations.
I have never thought that about myself, however I'm fed up having my 'niceness' lobbed back in my face like it's some sort of weakness. It's not worth it anymore.

Your niceness is an asset. In light of that, keep it for those that deserve it. I know if you're a nice person, people walk all over you - because it happens to me. I too am not as much of a pushover as I used to be. The XOH has found out on a number of occasions that if someone offers you a velvet glove - don't go looking for the iron fist.

Just in case you find it.

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

It's not what you look like that matters, it's what's between your ears and how it shapes what comes out of your mouth.
Sorry, I don't believe that. How many men want to get to know a fat, ugly 5'2" woman with a heart of gold? None.

I know of at least one. Me. I spent almost 7 years with someone exactly like that. We split up, not because she grew fatter/thinner/prettier/uglier - but because she grew nasty and I could no longer believe what was coming out of her mouth.

Her actions subsequently show that I wasted 7 years of my life. Ho hum...

Now given your interest in fitness, I would hazard a guess that you would not be as fat as you give yourself "credit" for. Equally "ugly" is doubtlessly similarly biased.

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

They want Miss Leggy Trophy that their mates will be impressed by. I know that's a sweeping generalisation, but 95% of the time, it works like that.

Well to make my own sweeping generalisations: Try to go somewhere else other than team sport sites if you want to find someone. Supporters of team sports engage in a certain amount of "group think" - and yes, impressing their mates is part of that. You want to find a bit of an individualist, who doesn't give a flying fart what his friends think.

It is a balancing act. I'm not saying go for the far out loner, but also not for the football fanatic whose sole thought is on the next match. Look for leaders, not followers.

As another sweeping generalisation (since I'm on a roll with them): Try to go somewhere else other than hard-core fitness sites for friends. To become really fit, you need a certain amount of "self-love" (not to be confused with self-respect) - and that's not good in a friendship, never mind a relationship.

I'm not saying all people interested in fitness are like that - and indeed I can't even prove it's a majority - but if you're going to go fishing, go fishing where there are the least number of poisonous fish.

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

It's nothing to cry about. You just need to know what you want. Then - and only then - can you start a plan of action to get it.
This all sounds very familiar. In 2004 I started a period of counselling after trying to end it all. The reason? Loneliness.

:grouphug:

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

I did the whole 'action planning' and CBT stuff and what happened? 4 years down the line, loneliness is something that doesn't affect me day-to-day, but it only takes thinking about talking about it to remind me how dark things have been as a result of being lonely.

I must admit, from what little I've seen of it, I'm not a fan of CBT. Reminds me too much of trying to con yourself.

And the Action Plan I'm talking about is not the same as the Doctors, but more of the military. You do your reconnaisance, you select your target, you muster your resources - and then you nail your target.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

(Kind of why this is my last post on this particular subject - I know people are trying to be nice but it scratches some old wounds and I should not have opened myself up to that.)

Sorry...

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

[/B]Why don't you get chatting with people on here who interest you and who are in places you can, and would like to go. May lead nowhere, or may lead to a night of laughing and fun.
In all honesty, it's a bit cliquey!

It isn't. Although people do kind of have "little groups", that's a natural reaction to trying to keep up with so many people. The difference between cliques and here is that cliques would try to keep you out of the little groups, where as here people try to draw you in.

Like the Blob... :eek:

bathgatebuyer wrote: »

You don't know until you try.
I've tried - many times. And the constant knockbacks for even the most basic things is pretty much why I backed away from people.

Seriously, thanks for the suggestions, but this is one thread that I can't revisit.

:grouphug:

You know where we are if you do want to talk. Don't imagine you're the only person here who wants to make new friends. In fact if you hadn't wanted any more friends, *then* you would have been the only person.

:kisses3:

Lucy1982_2

Hi Kip

What makes you say that? I get that sure I've met people before feeling, which is odd when you know there is no possibility of it actually happening!

Bathgate - I am so sorry you feel that way. But understand completely. Good luck and I am sure I will bump into you around here x

So how is everyone today?

Lucy1982_2

Z/Bathgate.

With you on the whole generalisation thing. I always believed that (and some weird part of my brain still does) but if that were true, I would have always been single!!!

I met my first serious boyfriend at 18, he was in the Army (= fit) I was a size 20, and didn't care!!!

Number 2 - I was still a size 20, but he took me for me and all his mates loved me (shame we are better as mates!)

My most recent ex plays rugby, so a very male, huggy, groupy thing. When he met me I was a size 12 and I then put on 2 and a bit stones. And he loved just just as much (I ended it as he drove me up the wall!)

So in my experience, shape and size has nothing to do with it, it's the personality that counts and anyone who takes you on face value isn't worth the hassle!!

But I cultivated the personality, coz I was the fat and unattractive girl at school so needed something to fall back on!!

Life is what you make of it, and I intend to enjoy every minute! I am a beautiful person on the inside and if you don't like whats on the outside then that is not my problem, it's genetic and blame my parents!!

In all seriousness, be yourself and people will love you

Ok preaching over!

x

ZTD

kipwilliams wrote: »

bathgateperson....hello. sounds like you are having a lot of the feelings i am/have had both now and in the past...although i'm a 6ft1, ugly bloke

It's probably something deep in the human psyche, but when people say they're ugly - they usually aren't.

And when they say they're beautiful - they usually aren't.

Lucy1982_2

Wise words Z!

jinky67

Zed will you marry me?:D
I know I am already engaged and all,but still....
you always say the right thing:A

Riq

Lucy1982 wrote: »

So how is everyone today?

I am good thanks!

Had an argument with the people at work who say I have done something wrong at work and wont tell me what because of data protection. Although I wasn't actually in the office at the time they say I was!! So I have no worries about this.


Last night after coming back from playing football and watching Man U get passed Barca I decided to go on Plentyoffish again, I sent one message to someone and they replied saying my message made them laugh! A great start. So we share a couple of common interests, so we will see how this one develops!! :T

Lucy1982_2

Sounds like your doing really well!!

Do keep us posted... I had a look at it and I'm still a little scared... whats it like?