We're in!! Just Bankruptcy to deal with!

Mollymop5

My ds is 14 and like your ds has his moments.Overall he's a good boy but when he "hates" me he hates me!!!!! We have the door slams, the screaming and huffing.Stomping up stairs ect.I have learned that it's best to let him get on with it and ignore it like I would a toddler.It doesn't take him long to simmer down and come and appologise.
On the occassions where I've followed him or tried to reason with him it all kicks off which is why I no longer do it.
Saying that he never gets away with bad behaviour either! he knows if I don't get an appology (and he needs to know what for lol) then the pc is under lock and key!

silvercar

I throw mine in the garden and tell him to run around for 20 minutes to get rid of his energy, by the time he comes back in he is in a better frame of mind.

Sorry if it sounds like having to take a dog for walkies.

Gforce_2

Oh yes I'm very familiar with the male teenage strops! Don't let him draw you into an argument, my son will try to spend half an hour arguing about why he should have to make his bed/change his underwear/have a shower rather than the 10 minutes it would take to do actually do as he was told.

Joking aside though, has he told you that he's being picked on & if so have you told the school? It is hard to deal with as I'm sure you know, my son accepts it as a part of school life now because he chooses to have long hair and he knows he'll get stick for it. I hope A is coping ok.

mumoftwins

Gforce wrote: »

Joking aside though, has he told you that he's being picked on & if so have you told the school? It is hard to deal with as I'm sure you know, my son accepts it as a part of school life now because he chooses to have long hair and he knows he'll get stick for it. I hope A is coping ok.

Yes, we had a chat last night and it came out that the boys in his class are mickey taking again. For instance, he had his hair cut on Wednesday in quite a fashionable style but the boys just called him names again. The name calling also includes 'gay boy' (quite a common phrase it seems amongst 10 and 11yr olds with limited vocabulary!) and also 'p*i*k*e*y' which has stemmed from us losing our home last November, but the worst is that they say he lives in cardboard box which really upsets him - these last two come I guess from the newspaper articles about our situation before Christmas, I was worried at the time about it would affect the children at school but without doing that we wouldn't have been offered our lovely new home from new LL, so its a difficult one. A's Dad is bit of a MCP and although A has a sensitivite and caring nature I can see a bit of his Dad in him, I would like to be able to get rid of that trait in him for his benefit as it won't do him any favours with relationships as he gets older.

(Sorry for asterisks in above name, but site didn't like the word without them!)

mumoftwins

Well, A has gone off to school with a smile on his face as I said to him that if anyone mentioned living in a cardboard box he was to tell them 'yes and its really warm and cosy'!

Rat man has been and laid bait. Whilst he was here he was telling me that bedbugs are becoming more widespread then he went to tell me how they treat it - what an upheaval! You have to live in the house but every bit of clothing has to be put in bin liners and tightly tied, you can leave nothing like that out anywhere. They then have to fumigate the house and go into all nooks and crannies and the whole process takes months - I hope to God that we don't get them, that would about polish me off :eek: . The trap is opposite the kitchen window and when he had gone I happened to glance at it and there were 2 beady eyes staring back at me:eek:

On a lighter, MissPoppy is coming for a coffee in about an hour, she has moved house and now lives an hour or so from here (she used to live 10 mins away) so it will be nice to see her.

jillie1974

hope youhave a nice time with misspoppy.
well done on the weightloss. havent been over there for a while as found myself getting a bit obsesssive bout losing weight so am just eating carefuly and going to the gym rather than weighing myself every week

dubsey

MOT, I have been following your posts still and I am so glad things are finally starting to improve for you, good ness knows you deserve it.

I have a DS (almost 14) and yes, strops, when he's actually speaking to me, are normal. But - he was bullied at primary school and it was awful. We moved area because of it. Now at secondary school and he still gets the odd name calling (he wears glasses so obviously gets four eyes). I was upset when he first told me and I thought we were back to the old primary school days, but it was helpful for me to find out that it was the same group of kids that did it to everyone, so it wasn't just personal against my son.
My son said to them one day, 'is that really the best you can come up with?' and if any of them say anything now he just shakes his head slowly and carries on with his friends.

Kids can be resilient, but if it does cause a problem go and have a chat with someone at the school. Onwards and upwards :grouphug:

chevalier

Whilst I agree that it is his age in part, it might also be a reaction to all the stress you have been going through.

What I mean is that whilst you were trying to get rehoused etc, I am sure the twins did their best 'not to upset mum', but now that you are settled, maybe he feels safe enough to have a go. I know it sounds weird but it may be worth thinking about.

As for the name calling. Hmm, difficult to deal with. The other line could be ref the cardboard box, yes and it was very enviromentally friendly too!

chev

boredofbeingathome

Hi, i just wanted to say he will feel better soon. It sounds to me that he is hitting out at you because he has no one else he can do this to.You understand his situation better than anyone else, andthat means he probably feels safe in doing so.
The kids at school are cruel and unfortunately they always seem to find ways. Its that old insecurity thing of laughing at others less misfortunate than yourself in order to make themselves feel better.
I never know what the answer is to this, my son is very sensitive himself and was a target for bullies at school. HE kept it to himself because we were in and out of hospital with our daughter. We went into school to sort it and it did eventually calm down. HE had to develop a thick skin though and he blamed his dad for a lot of stuff, like he should have been taller, should have a cooler dad..silly little things like that.
I gave him some choice phrases to use back, i always think sarcasm works wonders..I am a teacher, and have found children see it as some sort of kudos to have a telling off and getting a reputation..so sometimes a few well flung back satatements work wonders.
keep getting him to talk.Is it worth having a councilor talk to him?Does the school of GP have access to them?It must have been very stressful for you all, and it may be time to take stock, regroup and just allow him to talk to someone neutral without making you or him feel bad for him taking it out on you.
My son had councelling and he was a lot better for it.

mumoftwins

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Hi, i just wanted to say he will feel better soon. It sounds to me that he is hitting out at you because he has no one else he can do this to.You understand his situation better than anyone else, andthat means he probably feels safe in doing so.
The kids at school are cruel and unfortunately they always seem to find ways. Its that old insecurity thing of laughing at others less misfortunate than yourself in order to make themselves feel better.
I never know what the answer is to this, my son is very sensitive himself and was a target for bullies at school. HE kept it to himself because we were in and out of hospital with our daughter. We went into school to sort it and it did eventually calm down. HE had to develop a thick skin though and he blamed his dad for a lot of stuff, like he should have been taller, should have a cooler dad..silly little things like that.
I gave him some choice phrases to use back, i always think sarcasm works wonders..I am a teacher, and have found children see it as some sort of kudos to have a telling off and getting a reputation..so sometimes a few well flung back satatements work wonders.
keep getting him to talk.Is it worth having a councilor talk to him?Does the school of GP have access to them?It must have been very stressful for you all, and it may be time to take stock, regroup and just allow him to talk to someone neutral without making you or him feel bad for him taking it out on you.
My son had councelling and he was a lot better for it.

Ho Bob and all,

Thanks for words of wisdom, I do agree that he is probably hitting out due to what he has been through. I think what has happened has affected him more deeply than F who seems to be very positive about it all. I did speak to the Head about counselling but the school don't offer any links. I have found another called Time to Talk which they both went to when we first moved here and had had to cope with the divoirce, move house and school and Buncefield explosion all within 4 weeks, F loved it but A just clammed up - possibly it was the woman he saw that he couldn't 'gel' with. I will ring them on Monday and see if he can see the lady that F saw as I have a feeling that now he may just open up more .

Went to Chiropractor yesterday as back now very bad - wonder if this is how my body is reacting to all that I've been through? - I have been walking stooped forward due to the pain and feel that I look 105 yrs old :eek: . He has given me some exercises to loosen various parts and I will also look to do a Stretch and Tone class at the gym. I know swimming will help if I can get in the pool! At night my back seems to seize up and I can't lie in any one position for long, consequently I wake several times a night - oh for a full 8 hrs - Sorry for moaning!

The twins are off to a day out at a local nature trust today and are really looking forward to it, I have ironing to do and I-T is hopefully mowing my lawn!!