The plop-age chronicles! Oh bums I'll have no internerd connection for a bit

owitemisermusa

Nominated for best thread ever!!!!!:j

lawrie28

And my number 2 poem

His house by the river should fill him with pleasure,
but for Nelly his time is not only for leisure,
the pipe in his garden runs with great haste,
with number ones and twos of human waste,
the site and the smell attract the wrong kind of creature,
poor old Nelly did not want this water feature,
So he got on the case, to find the supplier of this flow,
All round the authorities and councils he did go,
he put up a big fight to get rid of the site (silent h)
of the effluent causing the probbie,
all that stress for a wee little jobbie!!

going to bed now, too much thinking

neverdespairgirl

There once was a poster called Nelly
Whose garden was horribly smelly
A pipe full of poo
from somebody's loo
will get him on everyone's telly!

nelly_2

both the above 10/10 ....brilliant

pania

nelly wrote: »

I aint numb mate! I slung two litres of milk down both bogs and checked the flow it 100% aint me

OK, get yourself invited to your neighbours for a cup of tea, one by one, with said milk carton concealed under your jacket, visit loo, pour milk, flush, make excuse of extremely dodgy explosive stomach, leg it back home and watch for milk....

et voila!!! the culprit is revelaled!!!
(may be more enviro friendly to use a few drops of food dye though...;) )

red_bertie

I think this thread should be renamed "The Plopage Chronicles".

RB

CYBERCIDERSAVER

pania wrote: »

OK, get yourself invited to your neighbours for a cup of tea, one by one, with said milk carton concealed under your jacket, visit loo, pour milk, flush, make excuse of extremely dodgy explosive stomach, leg it back home and watch for milk....

et voila!!! the culprit is revelaled!!!
(may be more enviro friendly to use a few drops of food dye though...;) )

Do you have a list of suspects?
Maybe video the "plopage" for 48 hrs to see what comes out.
Compare it to other surveillance data you could acumulate - Who's home when? Anyone have an indian takeaway delivery? Young married couple with no intention of having kids just yet? The clues are there.

"Who's plopage is this? David, it's over to you"
"Thanks and for those at home, here's whose poo it is."

Sounds like a Ben Elton Novel in the making.

silvercar

nelly wrote: »

I am making 1 phone call full stop

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Our surveyor discovered a culvert at the bottom of our garden when we were buying our house.

I started imagining decking, wooden bridges, fishing rods & gnomes (ok, maybe not the gnomes!), the surveyor suggested I think along the lines of open drains.

Apparently we are responsible for maintaining the flow of water. One phone call to the Environment Agency who told me I would be responsible for removing any dead cattle that blocked the culvert on my land. When I explained that the back garden was enclosed by other gardens on all sides (so where would the cattle come from?), she said that I was still responsible and would have to arrange to airlift the cattle out if necessary!

I doubt your one phone call will get you very far!

pania

silvercar wrote: »

:rotfl: :rotfl:
Apparently we are responsible for maintaining the flow of water. One phone call to the Environment Agency who told me I would be responsible for removing any dead cattle that blocked the culvert on my land. When I explained that the back garden was enclosed by other gardens on all sides (so where would the cattle come from?), she said that I was still responsible and would have to arrange to airlift the cattle out if necessary!!

She meant the minature cattle that live in culverts silly! don't you know that!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Me thinks lady wasn't au fait with the meaning of a culvert!!! :rotfl: :rotfl:

Thanks for giving me a giggle SC!:T

Suzy_M

nelly wrote: »

I aint numb mate! I slung two litres of milk down both bogs and checked the flow it 100% aint me

I hate to tell you this but milk has the greatest pollutant effect on water courses (then whisky, then beer, then farm slurry I think) than the raw sewage.:eek: