having a wobbly day...

shellsuit

Hi LP, I'm not entirely sure what he has been doing, but don't you think if you stay with him each time he does it (whatever it is?), it's just basically letting him get away with it and so he will carry on doing it?

I know if I were in your position, I don't think I would give even a second chance ~ not if it really really hurt me.

Little_Pickle

hev wrote: »

Just as a BTW - I wouldn't have shouted or cried. I would have packed his bags. You have a much better nature than me.

Actually I moved out. We live seperately now. I found myself a small bedsit and he remained in the flat we shared.

We now spend each night either at my flat or his.

Uniscots97

LP, why not see about counselling for you? As I said before it really helped me. Also make sure that you keep up your life away from him whether its meeting up with friends or family or pursuing your favourite hobby. These were the things that helped me get back on track. ......and please remember none of this is your fault.

Little_Pickle

unixgirluk wrote: »

......and please remember none of this is your fault.

This is the problem though.... he says that my reaction (shouting and crying and going ballistic) is part of the reason he reacts like this and does these things. So I am to blame...

If I could just not react how I do, then he wouldn't do this... at least that's my understanding of it.
In effect, what I'm doing is driving him to it.

r.mac_2

Hi LP

You sound so down in your posts. Please remember that while we all love others - be them partners, parents, children or friends, we have to love ourselves as well.

please stop beating yourself up - and take care of the most important person - YOU. What makes you feel good? A good book? a long soak in the bath? treat YOURSELF and do something you love.

just wanted to send you some hugs xxx

mkbean

In effect, what I'm doing is driving him to it.

PLEASE PLEASE tell me you don't actually believe this rubbish?

ameliarate

he says that my reaction (shouting and crying and going ballistic) is part of the reason he reacts like this and does these things. So I am to blame...
What a cop out - if someone loves you and something they do hurts you they stop doing it! He has to justify it to himself somehow.

Lady_E

LP-I cannot believe the above post you wrote about you thinking it is your fault for him doing what he does. Does that mean if you lent him your car and he got caught speeding it was your fault as you had lent him the car?

Frankly you deserve a lot more respect than you are getting. Have you weighed up in your head as to where you see this relationship going? Can you see yourself with him in 5 years time , in fact in 12 months time?

I put up with so much carp in a relationship I had before Lord E and when I look back I kick myself as to how low I let myself go, and more importantly how much self esteem I had lost because of the relationship.

Big hugs to you x

doraexplorer

hes just using that as a excuse to get him out of feeling guilty, telling you its your fault. how can you be driving him to it? he does it because you let him, you let him get away with it . hes playing mind games with you and its working because you think its your fault! its utter codswallap. hes a horrible man who is making you feel weak and lonely.

you have every right to shout and scream when he has betrayed you !

its so not your fault please please dont beleive this man.

hope you feel better soon and strong enough to kick him out of your life. you dont want to feel like this.

dorax

Little_Pickle

TBH, yes I do believe this.

I'll tell you why... I think that Mr P might have a problem with how he deals with stress.
It doesn't stop it from hurting me... but it's also something I don't understand.

I guess I'm trying to relate it to someone being an alcholic. They drink and blame everyone and everything else for thier problem. They don't accept that there is a problem with them.

But then having read that back, what happens when he gets stressed about something other than my upset?

I didn't think about that. What if it becomes an excuse for other 'stresses'?

Only time will tell I guess.
If it happens again and not because of me, then it possibly is a trigger from stress and he has a problem.

If it happens again after I have lost control and cried and shouted, then maybe it is my fault?

the problem is, I already feel like I can get angry or argue because I'm scared he'll do it again.