Am I Being Mean?

mandi

Tess, as awful as it sounds, you have to stop right now

I was in a similar position , a year ago. My sons freind was homless, and had no benefit, was stealing food from the local shops in fact .

For weeks I fed him everyday, done his washing let him use the shower, telephone etc..And in the end he was just turning up at my door expecting it ... making no effort to find accomodation ,and not turning up for appointments with the job centre, or housing. Until I said enough was enough.


Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

jamtart6

is he spending the money on drink/drugs/going out/sky tv?? if i was your son (which im not!) i would want to know why he didn't have any money, especially if my mum was sending food parcels round ! (however women are more inquisitive than men, so im probably just a nosey cow!!)

RAS

or maybe he prefers to spend the money on other things?

Unfortunately care is lousy at teaching kids to look after themselves or to budget.

I would guess that college has a welfare officer and a hardship fund, so I think you should suggest to your son that his friend finds them. They will have the links needed to get him extra support if he needs it.

southernscouser

If he's really hungry he will gratefully accept the offer of a cooked meal regardless of what it is.

Otherwise let him starve.

benbenandme

Without meaning to sound patronising to you or him, could it be an idea to offer to help him with working out how to budget his food money? or how to make some meals using basic ingredients? He may appreciate some help like that that can help him in the future rather than just some food each week that quickly gets eaten up??

tesuhoha

I know Im soft but that would be so hard stopping completely. He hasnt got sky, hes only got an old tv which we gave him and an old games machine my son gave him. He even asked me if I would pick up an old table which had been left out the front of someones house and there was a sign saying help yourself. It was a grotty old thing and he was so pleased with it. Thats why I feel sorry for him as he has nothing.

tesuhoha

When I took him to Asda he bought bacon, eggs, milk, spread, and ice lollies. He does cook but I dont know why he suddenly isnt managing or maybe he wasnt all along but didnt like to ask before.

jamtart6

aww now thats made me feel sad for him im also a soft touch! good idea from benbenandme about the cooking lessons!

ZTD

tesuhoha wrote: »

I know Im soft but that would be so hard stopping completely. He hasnt got sky, hes only got an old tv which we gave him and an old games machine my son gave him. He even asked me if I would pick up an old table which had been left out the front of someones house and there was a sign saying help yourself. It was a grotty old thing and he was so pleased with it.

He seems to like a lot of things for free.

But look at what he does, not what he says.

tesuhoha wrote: »

Thats why I feel sorry for him as he has nothing.

And you don't feel sorry for yourself, because you have everything?

Charity begins at home. You've helped - he's not better off, because now he's dependant.

mum2one

jamtart6 wrote: »

is he spending the money on drink/drugs/going out/sky tv?? if i was your son (which im not!) i would want to know why he didn't have any money, especially if my mum was sending food parcels round ! (however women are more inquisitive than men, so im probably just a nosey cow!!)

My thoughts exactly, somewhere along the line 2 + 2 doesnt equal 4.