Depression Support Thread

gillette147

I'm going to add something controversial.
When my dad died I was messed up. In hindsight more because of my depressive nature than at the loss. Give a depressive an excuse.....
I was due to go to America for a holiday with mates and it was a few months later and I went. We were visiting Grand Canyon type places, with cliffs and huge drops and I was climbing out onto ledges and places because I didn't really care if I fell off.
I could have killed myself. It didn't really bother me. If I am brutally honest I'm not that bothered about life now. It just feels like going through the motions. Waiting for a future day when I will be happy but it hasn't come so far and why should it come tommorrow.
The one thing that stopped me seriously going ahead is how it would have affected my mom, sister and her kids. I love them.

Now they are growing up and meeting people and don't really have time for me - which makes me happy for them and sad for me - but that doesn't diminish my love for them.

However (Controversial),
I don't think people should hang on to life for the sake of other people.
It is a strong pull to stay alive but it is staying alive in a negative way. It is more like emotional blackmail than a positive reason to be here.
I was angry at having ties that made suicide difficult. I'm not saying I would be dead if I'd have been an orphan but I think that the reason to stay alive must be a positive one.

Despite what I have said above I still believe that happiness can be gained. That things can change for the better overnight. It's p-ing down outside but the sun might be out in an hour. I am a coward in many ways but I have retrained, changed career and I have a dream to live in Cornwall in 2yrs. It may never happen. I'd be happy with happiness anywhere really (it doesn't have to be Cornwall).

But I have realised that if you are not afraid to die then why are you afraid to live? Before you end it - try moving, try salsa, try crime (not really).
If you are suicidal then that is a sort of freedom. What have you got to lose? You are happy to die then why not skydive? Try a new job. There are no consequences for you because you are happy to end it anyway.

Surely you should try to change your life before you end it?
You don't knock a house down because you don't like the wallpaper.

septemberblues

Hi everyone, I have pm'd Tiff to say who I "really" am on the forums and have asked her to pm you all, I think you lot are so supportive that I don't want to come on here under false pretences. I was ill for 9 years with depression, well again for 5 years and I have been unwell with depression for about 2 years, but have been sinking lower and lower until, like some of you, I am unable to function properly and feel that I would be better off dead.

Tiff thanks for the suicide thing, for me the hardest thing is "who would find me?" because it would be one of my kids. My doctor said to me "if you kill yourself you will destroy your children's (they are in their twenties) lives, they will never, ever get over it. Everything they do for the rest of their lives will be affected, and they may even commit suicide too". Harsh, eh? But it made me think....................................

Lady Morticia, can we read your poem please if you wouldn't be embarrased? I love poetry.

And yes, congratulations to Tiff and her son, wow!!

feelinggood_2

feelinggood wrote: »

ANy chance someone can tell me what my alternative answer is?

Have phoned CMHT, the receptionist didn't have any idea about when I'll get seen, and if they'll move appointment forward. Have left my number, hopefully will be called back. Really don't like feeling like this, just want thoughts/urges to go away :-/ I'll do anything, really, just someone make it stop.

gillette147

Blues,
If you are ill then you need treatment. If you have problems then get help.
As I said above there are so many things that can be tried that are less final that suicide.

Do you really want to leave your children? Do you not want to see them grow up, get married, have children? Does nothing in this world give you pleasure?

For me it's music. I listen to music and I love it. It's a small reason to live but the twee saying count your blessings is actually a powerful tool.

Take care of yourself
xxx

septemberblues

Oh, and I forgot the virtual hug for Lady Morticia :grouphug: . I know it's a threesome but I'm sure you know what I mean! I don't know how else to do a virtual hug

gillette147

septemberblues wrote: »

Hi everyone, I have pm'd Tiff to say who I "really" am on the forums and have asked her to pm you all

That should keep her busy for the next week.
:A

septemberblues

gillette147 wrote: »

Blues,
If you are ill then you need treatment. If you have problems then get help.
As I said above there are so many things that can be tried that are less final that suicide.

Do you really want to leave your children? Do you not want to see them grow up, get married, have children? Does nothing in this world give you pleasure?

For me it's music. I listen to music and I love it. It's a small reason to live but the twee saying count your blessings is actually a powerful tool.

Take care of yourself
xxx

Thanks. This is why I am afraid I will be sectioned if I see a pyschiatrist, as I have a plan for suicide BUT I love my kids, they are my reason for living. And I know the kind of pain I would inflict on them, but when a person gets intense suicidal thoughts it doesn't figure how other people will feel, you just want to die. I am getting help as I'm aware that suicide is a terrible thing for those who are left behind.

Sorry, I don't want to be morbid or intense xxx

LadyMorticia

Hello septemberblues. Thank you for the virtual hug. I needed it. The threesome thing made me laugh.lol.

I shall post my poem soon. It's not very good. It's quite simplistic but I posted it on my deviantART account to try to raise awareness of mental illness and a lot of people came forward and opened up about their mental illness.

xx

LadyMorticia

gillette - What I meant when I said I hang onto my friends was that they are a big part that keep me fighting but I also live for music and art also.
I really don't think I can imagine not being able to mosh to Wednesday 13.lol.

xx

gillette147

It wasn't aimed at you LM xx
I just think we should focus on the positive of why to stay alive.
Instead of Blues concentrating on the damage that suicide would do....think of what you will get to do/see if you stay alive.
Look at what we have and not what we don't have.

It's just my coping strategy
xxx