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Depression Support Thread
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Goodnight everyone. Have to be up early in the morning. Will try to sleep (first time for everthing)0
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Lady M
no wonder you dont sleep with all that going on. Is there light at the end of the tunnel for you or will sleep always trouble you? Sorry seems a little morbid this time of nite [[hugs]]
I'm not sure to be honest. I hope I don't always have sleep problems. I've had CAT to help with the PTSD but it didn't really help at all. To be honest I don't think my brain or heart was ready to have to go through everything with a complete stranger. I also had to put myself into a flashback and then go through it. Then put myself into the same flashback again but with my adult self rescuing my child self at the end. It was very hard and stressful.
I have a good relationship with my doctor so I'm going to talk to her about it. I had a CPN before who was my care co-ordinator (before she !!!!!!ed off.lol.) and even though we didn't get on too well, it reassured me knowing someone was there. With my BPD it's like "It's always better to have someone around, even if you don't like them, than to have no one". I'm going to ask my doctor about having a CPN again as my mental health and my sleeping patterns have significantly worsened since I was "discharged" (a decision I kicked up a lot of fuss and disagreement about. It seemed my CPN really just didn't want to fill out the paperwork of moving my case over. Nice to know my health is valued.lol.)
Sorry for the essay. Once I start typing, I find it hard to stop.lol.
[[hugs]]
xx2019 Wins
1/25
£2019 in 2019
£10/£20190 -
Night Shazza. I hope you manage to get some sleep.
xx2019 Wins
1/25
£2019 in 2019
£10/£20190 -
I'm off now to try and get some sleep (try being the operative word.lol.)
Night everyone.
xx2019 Wins
1/25
£2019 in 2019
£10/£20190 -
Hi dawny hun!:hello:Its good to hear from you angel, although I'm so sorry you're so low.
I'm glad you found the courage to come back and post.
Hi Tiff. Sorry for the late reply!
You know what I'm going to say next, don't you, hun?
We need to break this down into small pieces and do things a step at a time. Let's have a look...Yes I did know it!!! But my self help book advises us to break everything down into smaller chunks to make it easier for ourselves
The practical stuff is generally able to be slowly resolved angel and that will take a lot of pressure off you. Well hunnie, from what I can see, the issues here are:- your mental ill health,
- work,
- self-esteem
- financesYes they have been kind enough to support me having a 9-5 mon-fri shift.I think some people don't like this much though which causes a little bit of friction maybe? However yesterday someone from workforce management approached me and asked if I had changed my shift as I was down to work 1-9 and had come in an 9. I paniced and immediately said 'no - but if you were putting me back on my shifts then surely you would have given me some notice?' She told me to speak to my supervisor. When I spoke to her she said it must be a mistake on workforces behalf as me going back on my rotation had not been mentioned and not to worry about it. Phew. I know I have to go back on them at some point, but I can't handle a sudden change like that!Okay hun, firstly - you have achieved a lot by returning to work when you've been so poorly and even managing to update your training. To do that with a team of strangers was a big challenge on it's own. That's a positive and something to feel proud of achieving.
You'd have felt awkward with whoever you went back to work with after time off hun. This would have been stressful for anyone, so please don't feel bad about that.Yes angel, it must have been really difficult going back to work after your ''lovely, safe house''. Again, another achievement. But don't kid yourself dawny hun, in my humble opinion, that ''lovely, safe house'' can slowly become in reality, a lovely, safe prison. This is hinted at by the adjectives you used to describe your house. Trust me on this one, angel.
I achieved this because I had no choice. I had to go back as my sick pay ran out and my insurance wouldn't cover me. I'm so mad at this as well. I pay monthly for this insurance (it's mandatory and I cannot cancel) and it should cover 75% of my wage for up to 5 years if I am ill. Granted it is a small amount that I pay but why pay for something that refuses to help me when I need it the most??As for those who think you're taking the mick and are jealous of your 'cushty' shift, well they can tiff off angel. You have every right to get the support work is giving to you. It's the same old mental ill health story hunnie - if they can't see it, they can't understand it. Believe in yourself hun and don't waste your time over worrying about this. If someone has actually said something to you or is being a bit nasty, don't hesitate to report them to your manager.
I believe that worrying about what others think of us, or how we're judged, is a trademark of mental ill health.
It's just the same person asking what time I finish most days when she knows fine well about my situation.And then saying things like 'you must prefer working 9-5 though do you?' which makes me feel crap. Of course I am preferring it - some nights I have to be in bed by half eight I physically don't feel I can work a later shift at the moment. What does she want me to say??And heaven knows there's enough justification for it. But dawny you are allowed to live your life how you want to and in the best way you can! At least you've gone back to work and you've tried your heart out. That is really brave, although I'm sure you won't see it that way. You went back and tried to reclaim a life for yourself!You can always get to see a dr, hunnie. I know it's hard to be assertive especially when we feel so low, but you can ask the duty dr to see/visit you if you're very poorly. Mental ill health is just as important as physical ill health. A lot of areas have a NewDoc out-of-hours gp service running at their local hospital. And of course, we should remember too that NHSDirect is 24/7. They are equipped to deal with mental health emergencies.I like to see the same doctor all of the time as she knows me and my situation. But it can be hard to get an appointment sometimes (especially without going during work times and I am trying not to look like I am taking the !!!!) But more than anything else I guess I don't want to admit out loud to her that I am failing myself and her and everyone else around me.Again, we should never stop medication without supervision. I recently had to go on a decrease cycle of a med and I did decide myself to do it slower than the dr had suggested - but I did with mycpn aware, agreeing and supervising it all. I know. But I felt that they must not have been helping me. I thought if I was in such a mess while taking them, then surely I would be better if I wasn't taking them??? And there was only one way to find out. Baring in mind that I couldn't go on sitting at work sobbing like a baby (and my customers can probably tell that I'm stifling tears a lot of the time when I am taking calls!!) So I had to try. I think. I didn't know what else I could do?
I don't know dawny, but maybe the reason you felt better for those two weeks, was down to the residual effect of the medication in your system? Please keep your gp informed as much as possible hunnie. Your intentions were nothing but the best I know, but we can often get a false sense of security sometimes and think we're 'cured' and stop our meds and there's usually a price to pay afterwards. It's always safer to have guidance while doing it.I don't know either
I just want to be able to get on with my life, but I am so confused. Some days I feel fine and even cheerful....but even those days I feel a bit afraid to go with the flow as I am waiting for the 'drop'. 
He is. He is the best. I love him with all of my heart, but he deserves better than to have to put up with all of this.I think I have to be a straightforward Tiffster here, sweetie. I'm no professional and all this is just my humble opinion, but after reading your post hunnie, certain points seemed to make themselves noticed to me. Now please smack my muzzle if I've got it wrong hun,, but this is what I hear from your post so far...
Your humble opinion means a lot to me huni - it sometimes opens my eyes to things I'm not really that aware of.
- You aren't ready to be back at work, especially in such a high-pressure environment.I definately don't feel ready. Some days are fine, but others I spend most of the day in tears at my desk. But as I said I have no option.
I'm not sure about this. Like I said earlier some days are fine. But possibly I guess. Especially with trying to hit all of my targets, remain compliant and now having to try and sound upbeat on my calls too. :rolleyes:- You're doing what you think, or what others think, you should be doing and not what's best for you to be doing.Probably because I don't want to look like I am taking the !!!!. I want work to know I am trying.- You struggle with asking for help and don't want to admit you're not coping at work. After all, you did this job before right? So you should be able to do this with your eyes shut, shouldn't you? WRONG! You've got a real illness hun and whatever that is, (physical or mental), and whoever gets something like that, their lives are affected by it.Yes. I don't like to ask for help at all. I don't know why. And yes I feel I should be able to do this job pretty well. Afterall I have been there for over 5 years!
Thanks I do love cyber hugs.
Real hugs I can't really do? I practically run wen I see someone with their arms outstretched. I wish I wouldn't, because I would love to be a huggy person. But they make me feel uncomfortable.
Except for with my Fiance.
But here I feel the need to say to you that things are only going to change when you're totally honest with yourself, sweetheart. No-one wants to admit they're struggling to anyone but if they don't, things tend to stay as they are - something's got to change somewhere.
You know things can't go on like this dawny - and you know what hun? That's perfectly okay.
At some point we have to face what we're going through, what we feel and how much we're going to let others affect us. We have to make choices we never thought we'd have to make and it's hard to accept that what was good for us before, isn't necessarily good for us now. It's a big battle hunnie, but we'll get there.
This all makes it oh so very real again though doesn't it?My suggestion would be to see the dr tomorrow. No decent dr is going to say, 'I told you so.', hun and your situation needs reviewing now. You won't be wasting anyone's time and the sooner you see the dr, the sooner you can start recovering.But what if I have an appointment and I am having a good day that day and seem fine??Finances are always an issue angel but your health takes priority. I think you should talk to your dr about how you're struggling and feeling and about work and see about claiming Disability Living Allowance. You can get this allowance whether you're single, married, working or unemployed, if your mental ill health affects your day to day life long-term. It doesn't affect any other benefits or your pay. If you're too ill to work hunnie, then you're only going to make your health worse by doing so.If you decide to try this route hunnie, or anyone else, PLEASE make sure that you make an appointment with CAB (Citizen's Advice Bureau) for help with filling out the form. They are very particular as to the wording needed and CAB are experts at this. Make an appointment as soon as you send off for the forms guys because CAB are really stretched and you need to make an appointment well in advance. They will also visit you at home where possible. Here is the link to the DLA website hun:
The DWP do offer to help you fill the form out but imho, CAB are the peeps to see about this and they can make all the difference between success and refusal. There may be help too for you regarding prescriptions.
I couldn't afford to go on DLA. My full wage is about £920 a month and yet I go overdrawn every month by time bills have been paid!! Besides I would probably be rejected. If my insurance wouldn't help me, why would anyone else??
I don't think I'm too ill to work as some days I can do a full shift with no problems you see.Distracting yourself with little things to do is usually really helpful, but equally don't be afraid to just rest when you need to. There's nothing wrong with that. Also, keep comunicating with the people around you hun.Communication is hard for me! I just find it hard to connect really. I have been texting friends though.Please pick up the phone and call MIND dawny - don't be scared. You are allowed to be ill and get support angel. They're lovely peeps and you have nothing to lose. I know your mind must be going at a 100mph hun, but I think you're going to feel better when you've got some plans in place to get help. You'll feel more in control.I am just too scared. I guess again this makes it very real for me?Much Love,Tiff xxxThank you for your advice and your support. It really means a lot to me. Especially as I seem to be unable to talk about things so doing it this way make sit a lot easier for me
I will be poing in every now and then. But a lot of the time I am just too worn out by the time I get in from work and have a bite to eat.I hope that you (and everyone else here) is getting throughnthings ok. And I hope you all have a lovely day x
Dream of being mortgage free....
APR 2007 - £109,825 FEB 2012 - £98,664.53:beer:0 -
Hi guys!:hello:
Are we out of bed yet my dahlings?
No?
Awww, bless...
Oh yes - the Tiffster is one of those moods!
Right - who wants to go first?!
Wishing you all a truly Tiffy kind of day - safe journeys guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought." ~ by Peace Pilgrim.***'You just got Tiffed!'***0 -
Hi dawny hun!:hello:
How are you hunnie?
Thank you for such an honest reply angel. Just a quick note to let you know that I'm going down into the Tiff archives and I'll hot-paw it back with some thoughts for you in reply sweetheart. Hang in there sweetheart.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought." ~ by Peace Pilgrim.***'You just got Tiffed!'***0 -
top_drawer wrote: »
Dawny - you are amazing, truly inspirational (sp?). !!!!!! what anyone else thinks ....
RBK - I get some strange dreams too - very real but not. Your's sound like a symptom of berevement... maybe you could talk to a counsellor about it or do something for your Gran to sort of seal the past in the past if you find them uncomfortable, i love the idea of planting a tree or doing a website memorial.
Jen
Aw thanks I hope that you are feeling better now than you were the other day x
I get very horrible dreams, vivid ones that usually involve horrible things happening to me
RBK - I'm sending my love your way x
I also love the idea of planting a tree, that's very sweet. Dream of being mortgage free....
APR 2007 - £109,825 FEB 2012 - £98,664.53:beer:0 -
Slept a bit better but still feel groggy. I am going to go out as I am sick of staying in. The weather is going to get worse over the next few days.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl:
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0
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