Depression Support Thread

rose07

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I remember all of it. I remember things as far back as when I was 2-3 years old. I don't think I've ever really coped with it as such, just tried to mask it. I know it sounds stupid but I had a pet cat and she kind of felt like my life line in a way. As a child I always thought of her as a friend, and not someone who would abuse me. I used to self harm too, by hitting myself and by ripping my toenails off (it hurt a lot but at the time I didn't really care, and it was easy to cover up). Now, I self harm by cutting myself because I can't deal with all these thoughts in my head and all the memories. It hurts too much and the physical pain helps me to deal with the emotional pain, or at least forget about it for a little while.

My family haven't even said sorry for what they have done, and whilst their apologies wouldn't really change anything, it would be nice to know that they felt some remorse but I know that they don't. They tell me they hurt me because I was an ugly, fat, horrible person, and a lot of the time I still believe that's true. ********hugs********

xx

Firstly



Im sorry your childhood was soo hard, something i can understand, do you feel able to talk about what happened to you as a child? I experienced sexual, emotional and physical abuse, though of course as a child you dont understand this. You dont understand why people want to hurt you. I SH as a child by ..well all kinds, cutting, burning, and abusing my body to all degree, making myself starve was a general one. Sometimes i would be locked up, so i was used to not having anything.
You cat sounds like what my dog is for me, arent pets just soo loyal, they always seem to know when your not ok.
The memories you feel atm, are they about your childhood or something from now?

If we grow up in a desructive environment then we are bond to feel so carp tbh, because we havent experienced the things a child needs to grow up and to survive. I want you to know that things are in no way your fault ok hun?

I know what you mean about family, would be nice if they acknowledge things ya know? But sometimes people can be soo caught up in themselves that they cant see what they are doing to others hun, do you think this could be the case with your family? And hun, you are in no way ugly, or fat or horrible, your posts show you are very caring, and a lovely person, and i have seen your photo, your family just dont realise it hun.

You are worth it hun and are special too

take care
xxx

rose07

Carmen wrote: »

Good afternoon everyone.
Carmen x

Hello Carmen

and



hope you finding a comfy chair ok

how r u feeling today?

xx

Horasio

LadyMorticia wrote: »

I'm ok, but a little bit upset because somebody said something to me on another thread and I'm not sure if it was an insult or meant to be sarcastic but it was about something that I'm very insecure about. Probably just me being stupid though.
Nope, plumbers didn't come. They keep doing this. Saying they are going to come on a certain day and then never turn up. It messes with my head.

How are you hun?

xx

That really infuriates me when effing tradesmen let you down:mad::mad::mad:

Can't you find another one - they sound useless, and people wonder why I don't respect certain males

rose07

Tiff wrote: »

Hi guys!:hello:
How is everyone? I always seem to feel out of synch the day after a bank holiday, (well, that's my excuse anyway!;)) - really feels like a Monday. But it's not, it's a nice, fat, brand mew Tunasday!:rolleyes: I don't know about you guys, but it was awfully warm and humid here in the Costa del Warwickshire last night - so no quality sleep for Tiffy. Tiffing today may be sporadic!:rolleyes:

rosie - hey angel - what are you up to this week? Surely it must be time for you to be looking at buying some new wellies?! I don't know how you've kept up such a hectic schedule. Good luck with the job-hunting hun, I really hope your friend comes through for you and you get that job. You look after yourself sweetie.

Huge Tiffy hugs to anyone who's not feeling well or who have poorly loved ones, anyone with work, appointments, assessments, meetings, college/uni, counselling, treatment, and anyone who's struggling right now.
Safe journeys guys and be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Heya Tiff hun

Thank you for thinking of me

How r u doing atm?

I know whatcha mean bout bank holidays i felt like it was monday today too :rolleyes:, ahh well, just means we are further down the week than we thought lol

New wellies time, hmmmm, possibly, do you need a kick up the bum or something sweetie, as the weather is fine atm, ok i will walk away from the wellies

Oooo if youve got good weather means my brother will have too, cool. Its his birthday tomorrow, i have 8 birthdays all within 2 weeks :eek::rotfl:

Im up to work, work and more work lol. also applying for jobs elsewhere. Seems they are already replacing me tho, and i havent even handed in my notice yet, makes me soo :mad:. i feel like just leaving now the way the are treating me. ahh well. One day i will :rolleyes:

Yes i am busy atm, i dont know how me do it either :rotfl:, how do you do it?

you take care hun
xxx

Horasio

Was a gorgeous day today but felt so ill - I was so relieved when my OH went out. He really tests my patience and feel so dragged down by him.

Our son found the patio furniture and cleaned a fridge for me. Need to get some more chairs, they are rotting, had them 25 years:D

My OH doesn't have to go back to hospital about his finger, healing well.

rose07

Tibbie's_mum wrote: »

I have never posted on this board before, even though I suffer from quite severe depression and have done for many years. I try to manage it as best I can, but I'm not having a very good day so far.

I have 3 fantastic sons, a wonderful OH and a lovely house in a beautiful village, but I spend all my time wallowing in self pity. I avoid interacting with anybody, which is unfair on my kids as it means I won't go to toddlers groups or get involved at school. I'm constantly angry and have absolutely no motivation to do anything.

It's a beautiful day here, and I could take my 2 youngest sons for a walk on the beach, but my excuse to myself for not going is that the house is such a mess and I've loads to do, but I never do any thing in the house. I just about manage to feed the kids and pick the eldest up from school and that's my lot.

It's got to the point where I know I need to get out because if I don't I'm not going to be able to pull myself out of this hole. I spend far too much time surfing to avoid dealing with myself and my situation, I'm missing my family growing up because of this, to a certain extent I avoid interacting with them as well. My doctor has prescribed me anti-depressants, but I tend not to take them as a way to sabotage myself and so aggrevate my condition.

I'm not sure why I'm posting on this board? Maybe seeing it written down in black and white, I might be able to shock my way out of this.

One thing I must do, is go and make my baby's bottles or I'll have a very hungry 6mth old on my hands.

Welcome Tibbies mum

How r u feeling?

firstly well done for posting, i hope you will feel able to talk more, we are all a good family here, and your welcome anytime.

Have you seen a gp? are you on medication?

Maybe you could set yourself targets, and give yourself a treat at the end.

Eg: take sons out for a walk.....have an ice cream, coz there yummy?

We all experience depression in different ways, and also cope in different ways

I hope you can talk more about how you feel.

Take care
xx

LadyMorticia

rose07 wrote: »

Firstly

Thanks. Needed that. ****hugs****

Im sorry your childhood was soo hard, something i can understand, do you feel able to talk about what happened to you as a child? I experienced sexual, emotional and physical abuse, though of course as a child you dont understand this. You dont understand why people want to hurt you. I SH as a child by ..well all kinds, cutting, burning, and abusing my body to all degree, making myself starve was a general one. Sometimes i would be locked up, so i was used to not having anything.

I was sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused (not sure if emotional and mental abuse are the same but that's what it says on my case file). I was neglected too. I grew up thinking I was only good for one thing - and that was to be abused. Sometimes when my BPD gets really bad, I still believe that.

My ED is partly about self harm too, so I understand what you mean about the starving yourself thing.

The only place I felt safe was school, but then when I was 11, my mum took me out of school, and I wasn't allowed to return. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I enjoyed school and my mum didn't want me to enjoy anything? I'm still not sure. I spent three years out of school until I went into foster care at 14. In the September of that year I was meant to be going into year 10 but I was put back a year and so started in year 9. My Education Adviser said that it was because it would help me to interact with my peers better as I was going to be starting in an upper school that started in year 9 so everyone was new, and not just me. I still got bullied though, because people found out I had been put back a year from a teacher and assumed I was thick. Weird thing is, that I was out of school for 3 years and still got better GCSE results than them. Okay, so I only got 9 GCSEs A-D but whilst they were busy bullying others and not caring about their education, I was working hard to make sure I was nothing like my mum. I was the first person in my family to even get any qualifications - even if they were just GCSEs. A lot of the time I still think I'm stupid though. It's just one of those things I can't shrug off for some reason.

You cat sounds like what my dog is for me, arent pets just soo loyal, they always seem to know when your not ok.
The memories you feel atm, are they about your childhood or something from now?

I love animals. I remember when I was 3 and we had a dog called Patchy and when my dad was getting violent she used to jump into my playpen to protect me.

They're about my childhood but my mum and nan still try to phone me and I can't bear to pick up the phone to anyone, let alone them. My dad has tried to get in touch too because he wants to meet up. Sometimes it feels like I'm still that child who was hurt. I know my mum and dad didn't want me. My mum only went through with the pregnancy because she was more scared of having an abortion, but I don't think that excuses the abusive behaviour. If I ever have a baby, and the baby is unplanned, then it would be a surprise, but a happy one. I certainly wouldn't treat him/her like I was treated. I would bring them up with love and care, and teach them to respect others and tell them often that I love them and am proud of them for their achievements.

If we grow up in a desructive environment then we are bond to feel so carp tbh, because we havent experienced the things a child needs to grow up and to survive. I want you to know that things are in no way your fault ok hun?

I wish I didn't believe they were my fault. My old CPN said that I was only a baby when the abuse started and that babies are never at fault and nobody deserves to be abused so it couldn't have been my fault. I always say that to my friends who have been abused but for some reason I can't apply it to myself. It's always easier to give advice to others, instead of taking it ourselves, I guess.

I know what you mean about family, would be nice if they acknowledge things ya know? But sometimes people can be soo caught up in themselves that they cant see what they are doing to others hun, do you think this could be the case with your family? And hun, you are in no way ugly, or fat or horrible, your posts show you are very caring, and a lovely person, and i have seen your photo, your family just dont realise it hun.

I don't know. My family seem to like hurting people. Sometimes I don't know how I can be related to them. =/

I'm trying to like myself but it seems like every day I find something else about myself that I hate. I'm working on it though, and I'm trying to "re-invent" myself as they say. It's going to take a long time but hopefully I'll get there.

I'm sorry this has been a long post. Sometimes I get carried away in my replies.

You are worth it hun and are special too

take care
xxx

Aw. Thanks hun. You make me smile. You are too. [[hugs]]

LadyMorticia

CCStar wrote: »

That really infuriates me when effing tradesmen let you down:mad::mad::mad:

Can't you find another one - they sound useless, and people wonder why I don't respect certain males

I live in a house owned by a housing association so all the work has to be carried out by their contractors. =/

I am so ready to blow my casket at the moment so one more "no show" and I will seriously let rip, but in an Anni way, so it will be all quiet and reserved.lol.

xx

meyore

Diamond78 wrote: »

Hey thats great news that you got accepted for the course.
Could you not speak to the tutor again and explain what your boss said.
Hope it works out for you x

Thanks, but it looks like I'm going to have to pay for it. I've started applying for new jobs tonight.

Xx

shazrobo

LadyMorticia wrote: »

What are the Subway prices like? We have a Subway here that is newly opened but I've never been inside.

xx

sandwhich of the day is usually £1.99, other prices vary depending on sandwhich upto about £3.50 i think, they worth it, very filling and freshly made
shaz xxx