Debt is so depressing

jellyhead

although i think having joint finances is the best idea at least in the long term it does sound as if you have a good relationship and are happy :-)

i think you should stop feeling guilty for what you call your mistakes and 'stupidity' too, we all get into debt at some point, it's expensive starting out on your own. do you know what your hubby does with the money he keeps back? my hubby gets 'pocket money' out of the budget to spend on whatever he likes. i don't get money for myself because i don't spend much, my habits aren't as expensive as his, he has a PC, playstation etc. lol! maybe you could talk about money and maybe pool it all together but give him an allowance for himself, that way you won't feel as if he's being 'punished' for you being in debt? hubby and i have separate bank accounts still actually, i get his wages paid into mine (he's got a bad credit record so the bank will only give him one of those basic accounts that don't pay interest, so i get his wages and get interest on them) then i transfer some of the money into his account. he pays some of the direct debits but has a set amount every month that's for his 'hobbies'. we are repaying the debts, but i think you can't just work to pay the bills, you have to live a little and have something to spend on yourself sometimes.

System

I agree with giving him a few of the Direct Debits to pay out of his bank account. After all, they are his bills too and you wont be 'keeping' him if you know what i mean.

ln9ae

Hi ashmit

Without sounding even more depressing i'm glad i'm not alone, I also get depressed about my debts, I think its because i left uni with so many debts and after studying for 5 years then the realisation struck that scientist in this country are very underpaid and it began from there.
then i met my fiancee and things became a little better,
he had outstanding debts from his last relationship and he ended up giving her all the equity in the house when he left (because they had a baby) which in hind sight was a bad idea because she demanded £800 month in maintenace or he wouldnt see his son, we got fed up with the threats and went to the csa. who assessed his maintenance to £160 a month (he still doesnt see his son a year on) anyway i'm rambling, we were starting to get on top of things and i felt guilty on top of all that because he wasnt seeing his son (it wasnt my fault if you know what i mean) but we could afford to pay what she was demanding, any how,
then great we got engaged and wanted to buy a flat, we decided to put the money that i owed on my cc from uni onto the mortgage so that this was being paid at 5% instead of 20% (i know some of you are probably thinking ummm bad idea) but i did make me feel better knowing that things were getting under control, menawhile i'm still paying my student loan off (out of my wages at £80 a month) we saved money for the wedding and things were going great until my fiancee was sent to military prison (for hitting a superior officer, long story fiancee very remorseful and angry over his action at the time but the army likes to discipline its soildiers) and he was sent thier for 4 month, they dont get paid (obviously) and i was very depressed i now had to pay mortgage on my own too, this was at beginning ot sept, our wedding is at beginning of march,
csa contated him in there and assessed his maintenance to zero, (his ex has given me grief over this but what can i do i can't afford to pay it)

being on my own for the first month gave me a big kick up the back side, i found this website which has helped me no end in this short time to cut costs every where, i am back in my interest free student over draft but i am coping, i even managed to get promoted at work, its been tough and i hate being in debt but i am trying to cope so that the flat and wedding is still here when he comes home in 2 months time, its all he has to hang on to.

I'm just looking forward to when he comes home and the wedding, i''ve even cut costs buy making my own invites and favours etc, and i know that being ablt to do this on my own means that we will be laughing when he back (i'm fairly confident he will get a job striaght away because of his driving qualifications and he has promised me that he will go out looking for work the next day) and i'm confident that we will reach level again,
debt is depressing but i think i've found a way to manage with this feeling and feel happy that i can make it.