Debt is so depressing

ashmit

(put on this board as it's about health and family as much as debt)

I just posted on this thread and while the last paragraph was rather flippant, I've found myself getting more and more miserable thinking about it.

I owe my parents £6800 and Mint £1900 or so, both at 0%, but I'm only paying it off very very slowly.* My parents £100/month, but I'm about to take a payment holiday so we can get our front and back doors and kitchen window replaced before they fall out, so that'll mean it's even longer til we repay them. And when that's repaid we want to keep paying them a little longer to contribute towards what they put towards our wedding earlier this year. And Mint only get £43/month, which again, is going to take forever (and a lot of swaps at 0%) to clear.

*Oh and the Student Loans company £3700 approx at 2.9% - I know paying this off shouldn't really be a huge priority as it's deferred, but I'm paying off £16.50 a month (interest is approx £9.50/month) because it's depressing to see the interest go on every month and at least this way I know it's not getting any worse....

I'm glad I've got control of the situation now, before it gets much worse, but... it's depressing. And I just feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is so dim I can barely make it out. And yeah, we are hoping to have children at some point in the next 3 years or so, and... how can we afford to keep paying off debts if we have to take a drop in income? My salary is over 50% more than my husband's, and when we have kids, we're planning to both work part time to keep childcare costs to a minimum, but that will still leave us facing both a significant drop in income, and childcare costs on top.

And we got married in March and still haven't had a honeymoon, and all we can manage to save towards it is £12.50 a month and we had to wipe out even those small savings to pay the plumber and pay for some new furniture we really need.

The worst thing is knowing that it's 100% my own fault, and that it's not even like I had huge fun with the money.

So... please, someone, tell me it gets better :-/

divadee

Hi Ashmit, it does get better I know not from personal experience but from very close friends.

It might help you to know that your not alone in this their are 10000's of people in situations like yours.

I have found a thread that Rochdale Guy started over a year ago now, ClickHere to have a read.

His story shows that you can get out of debt its not easy and its hard work, but its very possible.

If you need to chat you know where i am

ashmit

Thank you divadee. It helps to be told it's not just me - I know there are a lot of people out there in the same boat but I seem to be the only one out of all my friends who's ended up like this (how did I end up only with friends who aren't in any debt at all?) and it does make me feel very isolated.

Mrs_Thrift

Hiya Ashmit,

So sorry to hear you're feeling down about your debt, but you sound like you've got your head firmly screwed on now, so you're moving in the right direction.

Looking at the big picture and how long it might take to pay the debt off will be intimidating, so try breaking it down into more manageable lumps. Treat every month, week, day, even hour as a challenge to not spend money and to pay off some more debt. Then you can pat yourselves on the back that you've managed a bit more, even if it's only a few pennies.

Of course, you'll want an actual pat on the back, but you don't want to be paying for it, so think up as many free things as possible to treat yourselves.

Have a look at the cheap date thread for ideas for you and hubby.

http://forum.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=Families;action=display;num=1087976963

Plan days and nights at home where you eat together, watch videos (borrowed from friends!), play cards or boardgames, look at your wedding photos, etc. You can always spice games up by playing strip monopoly or the like!

You could even have a honeymoon like this - book the time off work, tell people you're going away, take the phone off the hook and switch your mobiles off, then spend time together relaxing and having fun ( ) at home. You could even camp out in the living room and eat different foods to what you normally have so you feel like you're away from home!

Whatever you do, have fun! ;D And keep on doing what you're doing with the debt repayment. You will get there in the end, and you're not alone - you've got us lot for a start, and your husband!

Lillibet_2

Ashmit

You are not alone, thousands of people know this feling every day, you will get out of debt but it won't happen instantly unfortuantley. You are doing really well by facing upto your prediciment & recognizing that you need to change your ways in order ot deal with it. You might like to check out motleyfool.co.uk and look a the dealing with debt boards, loads of people there in similar situations ready to share advice & encouranging tips.

Best of luck & keep

ashmit

You will get there in the end, and you're not alone - you've got us lot for a start, and your husband!

Aww, you're all making me cry - thank you.

- well I'm trying! :-/

ashmit

And then I go elsewhere on the board and find this. I'm lucky, at the end of the day. It's helped me remember that.

divadee

You are luckier in other ways than you know ashmit. You have a wonderful husband when there are a lot of people on their own and you have the support of your family by the sounds of it. You have your extended MSE family who are here round the clock (is that a good thing ;D)

Anytime you need to chat come and find us

ashmit

I've got a lot, I know, and sometimes I need to get all miserable to remember that - if that makes sense.

Does anyone else ever fantasise about doing a save karyn, or is that just me? :-[ (I'd never do it... just like fantasising about a lottery win really!)

I'd better get back to doing some selling on eBay for some extra bits of cash - every little helps, eh?

Thank you divadee, mrs thrift and lillibet (my mum used to call me that - after the Queen she said!!) - you've made me feel like I can get out of debt again.

Oh, and if anyone else needs any sympathy, feel free to use this thread for moaning on - it's helped me!

Mrs_Thrift

Glad we could help, Ashmit, and we're here anytime you need us.

I know what you mean about getting miserable before realising how lucky you are - you're not the only one who does that.

rushnowt

I know just how you feel ashmit  :'(  I was in a similar position some years ago and it was not a good time or place, I was living with a control freak at the time and all the money i earned went to him to pay the mortgage, bills etc, i had debts of thousands that i'd run up on store cards, credit cards and catalogues to furnish the house and clothe myself has he said this wasn't his job or problem. I eventually got the strength to leave him, but due to circumstances i had to leave everything i owned. I got myself a flat and had to start all over again, still owing thousands it was really hard. I was working full time and had to take a job evenings and weekends as well just to keep my head above water. I was so depressed at the time I was on medication and at times felt so low i didnt want to go on. But with determination and support from family & friends I got there in the end, it took me a good 2-3 years to clear everything, but in the process had got a bad credit rating so couldn't get further credit. It was tough but it taught me that i could only have what i could phyically pay for at the time.
I've since met and married someone new and gone on to have 5 beautiful kids and life's good, there are ups and downs like everything, I wasn't totally debt free when we met and we didn't have the money for an honeymoon either but i't didn't stop me being happy and enjoying what i had, an honeymoon now is probably out of the question till the kids have all grown and flown the nest  :o but i'm sure i'll make the most of it when I do  ;)  ;D
You mustn't feel that your alone because your not and even though you may feel your the only one amongst your friends in this position it may not neccesarily be the case, some people just don't talk about it or are afraid to admit it. You'd be amazed at some of the people you'd never dream of that are actually in debt.  :o
You seem to have made a really good start in sorting out your finances and I wish you all my very best for the future and no matter how dim that light is, remember it is there and it will just get brighter and brighter. Stay strong and you'll get there very soon. x