Debt is so depressing

ashmit

you're being turned down for 0% cc's. So wouldn't it be better to stop paying student loan and put money in bank to throw at the cc instead when 0% finishes - just in case you can't get another?

Oh yeah - I'm appealing and keeping my fingers crossed (have actually been accepted for the normal Capital One card after applying for the 18 months one but am appealing in the hope that I get the longer one) - but if I start getting charged interest I'll stop paying the student loan sharpish.

ashmit

when i was in the situation of being turned down for cards (what am i saying, i still get turned down! i managed to get a marbles 0% one a couple of years ago and a texaco life of balance 3.9% one last month though) i asked my 2 banks what their overdraft rates were in case it was worth transferring my credit card debt to an overdraft. halifax was 8.9% but would only give me £850 and the barclays one was higher interest but they did a special 'additions' account you could pay 7.50 a month for (now £9.50) that lowered the interest rate to 9.9%. i filled up the 8.9% one and calculated that it was worth having the barclays additions rate because i would save more than the 7.50 fee in monthly interest. the barclays additions account also gave us extended warrantee on anything electrical bought with the connect card or a cheque (so we could claim on the TV we bought from the catalogue - yippee!) and free green flag motoring cover. the 9.50 a month fee now also includes home emergency cover for burst pipes etc.

I never thought of using my overdraft when my 0% deal expires! You're a genius!!!!

by the way i know you feel responsible for your own debt but can you maybe ask hubby what he does with his money and if there's any chance of an interest free loan? come to think of it if he's not giving you all of his wages towards housekeeping then maybe he should be paying for your honeymoon with what he keeps back  ;D

He's only on slightly more than minimum wage and is only just getting back into the world of 'having a bank account' - I keep telling him he should start saving but he keeps saying 'soon' and not doing anything about it ::) I also think he should get a credit card and use that every so often so he's got an actual credit rating, but again he keeps saying 'soon' and not doing anything about it. He's not great at budgeting yet (although he is great at not spending anything if he hasn't got any money, which is probably more important - I'd rather he ran out at the end of the month and stopped spending than ran out and kept spending!!), and I don't want to push him too hard. And we agreed that my debt is mine, he has no responsibility towards it and I do feel very strongly about that. If I didn't earn like over 50% more than him for working fewer hours per week I would probably lose my principles rapidly ;D but that's not the case.

One of my friends was saying at the weekend though that some of them are going away for a week next year (they did it recently but I was too broke to go with them) and to save up my pennies. About 2 hours before I'd told her how long it was going to take me to pay off my debts so I just kinda said 'April 2010, can't afford it'. Hubby overheard and offered to save up for me to go away with them

Which is great in theory, but I would rather have a honeymoon with him than go away with friends (his reasoning is that I'm stuck with him forever and deserve a break, but I know it's really so he can play computer games and watch DVDs all day long ;D) Oh well!!! I'll have to try and persuade him that having a honeymoon first is better!!!

Spendless

Yes - do persuade hubby you want to go away with him rather than friends.

whilst i see what you're saying about it being your debt if your hubby contributed more, maybe you could have your honeymoon or start a family earlier.

also what would you do if you were to be made redundant or become ill. Wouldn't it be better to pool your money and clear these debts together?

jellyhead

i can see why you'd prefer a honeymoon with hubby, but i do think it's nice of him to pay for you to go away with your friends, that's really sweet :-)

i don't know what kind of honeymoon you're dreaming of, but i like saving tokens out of newspapers and going on cheap caravan holidays lol! they are always on the coast and it's really romantic to go for a walk along the beach at sunset :-) we usually go to wales because we all like the castles and tourist attractions there, also they have 'oakwood' in tenby, it's a theme park with the best roller coaster ever, called megafobia :-) tenby is really lovely. you can go for a ride in a horse and cart and the driver will tell you about the legend of the mermaid cave (if anyone who's naughty goes in there they turn into a mermaid lol!).

anyway, if you're interested (even just for a short break) look out for promotions in the sun or the mirror, you usually have to collect around 5 tokens and fill in the form with 4 choices of caravan park and 4 choices of date and pay around £40 for a caravan. then the caravan park will bill you for extras such as entertainment passes and fuel (not much) and usually offer you an extension to your holiday, so you can make it into a full week really cheaply. we often have a full week for £100 or less.

alternatively you could look for last minute deals on the haven website https://www.haven-holidays.co.uk

i might be wierd but i really enjoy these holidays. i love the beach and i like britain rather than hot countries. actually i probably am really wierd because we went to disneyland paris for our honeymoon lol!

ashmit

i can see why you'd prefer a honeymoon with hubby, but i do think it's nice of him to pay for you to go away with your friends, that's really sweet :-)

I know! He is a cutie

i don't know what kind of honeymoon you're dreaming of, but i like saving tokens out of newspapers and going on cheap caravan holidays lol! they are always on the coast and it's really romantic to go for a walk along the beach at sunset :-) we usually go to wales because we all like the castles and tourist attractions there, also they have 'oakwood' in tenby, it's a theme park with the best roller coaster ever, called megafobia :-) tenby is really lovely. you can go for a ride in a horse and cart and the driver will tell you about the legend of the mermaid cave (if anyone who's naughty goes in there they turn into a mermaid lol!).

I'm hoping to hold out for abroad, as hubby has never been out of the UK, bless his lil cotton socks. It's a nightmare though when you have to take into consideration that neither of us have passports so that's what £90 added onto the cost of any holiday straight away

Also, Tenby was where I stopped taking sugar in tea ;D That's my random fact for the day!!!! We went on holiday there (stayed in a cottage I think) when I was 8 and my mum and dad 'forgot' to take any sugar to put in my tea so I had to get used to it - can't stand sugary tea now! So there you go

I'll look into some of the things you suggested - thanks.

ashmit

whilst i see what you're saying about it being your debt if your hubby contributed more, maybe you could have your honeymoon or start a family earlier.

Well, when we got married we decided to keep mostly separate finances for a year to let him get to grips with it all and look at getting a joint account later - we're due to renegotiate in March, so I'll add that onto the list.

also what would you do if you were to be made redundant or become ill. Wouldn't it be better to pool your money and clear these debts together?

It's unlikely, but obviously I can't read the future (I wish!!) so you probably have a good point.  Thinking more generally, I think it's entirely possible that it's an independence thing on my part too - taking small things off people when offered (train fares home from my parents, donation from hubby to holiday with friends etc) I can deal with but I had to be bullied by my entire family (including then-future husband) into accepting financial help from my parents to buy a flat (even with it being a condition that I pay them back), and I'm adamant at the mo that I won't let my parents cover our hotel bill for my cousin's wedding in December - it just doesn't seem fair.  I've cost them an awful lot of money over the years and even though I've taken control now and am paying back a lot of what I owe, I feel like noone else should take responsibility for my stupidity.  

Maybe I should actually deal with this rather than just thinking 'it's my issue' and leaving it at that but I find it hard to accept that anyone else should suffer because of my mistakes.  And I'm aware that being quite that independent is probably not a great thing in marriage, but it does mainly just relate to finances.  And yes, it's not impossible that one of us would get ill or made redundant and while we could cut back a lot (at that stage I *would* get rid of the internet access and mobiles and cut back hugely on food) we'd still be in trouble.

Thoughts?  Ideas?  Anyone want to tell me I'm silly?  ;D  I often respond well to that!  ;)

System

he's only on slightly more than minimum wage and is only just getting back into the world of 'having a bank account' - I keep telling him he should start saving but he keeps saying 'soon' and not doing anything about it I also think he should get a credit card and use that every so often so he's got an actual credit rating, but again he keeps saying 'soon' and not doing anything about it. He's not great at budgeting yet (although he is great at not spending anything if he hasn't got any money, which is probably more important - I'd rather he ran out at the end of the month and stopped spending than ran out and kept spending!!), and I don't want to push him too hard.

I know what your saying but i still think your doing him no favours. He's never going to accept responsibility unless he has to. Hes never going to save willingly if he doesnt have to. You can do too much you know.

Mrs_Thrift

I don't want to interfere (too much!) in your relationship with your hubby over money, but as Judi says you can do too much, and take on too much responsibility, so I wanted to share my own experience and opinions (which you're more than welcome to ignore of course! )

Personally I can't imagine having seperate money from Mr Thrift - we've been together for 8 years and from our very first proper date we regarded our money as "our" joint money. I know that's a little strange to be doing it that early, but we've always been of the opinion that if we're going to be in this together, then everything's put together. But I know we're lucky in that we have fairly similar views on money and how to deal with it, but when we have different views we discuss it and come to a compromise.

Having said all that I do understand where you're coming from in feeling it is your debt and yours alone, but sometimes it takes a bigger person to accept help, and can bring you closer to the people offering that help, be it your husband or family, or whoever. After all, whatever the actual words used in your wedding ceremony, I believe the essence of marriage is "For better, for worse," which very much includes "for richer, for poorer..."

Spendless

Well, when we got married we decided to keep mostly separate finances for a year to let him get to grips with it all and look at getting a joint account later - we're due to renegotiate in March, so I'll add that onto the list.

It's unlikely, but obviously I can't read the future (I wish!!) so you probably have a good point. Thinking more generally, I think it's entirely possible that it's an independence thing on my part too - taking small things off people when offered (train fares home from my parents, donation from hubby to holiday with friends etc) I can deal with but I had to be bullied by my entire family (including then-future husband) into accepting financial help from my parents to buy a flat (even with it being a condition that I pay them back), and I'm adamant at the mo that I won't let my parents cover our hotel bill for my cousin's wedding in December - it just doesn't seem fair. I've cost them an awful lot of money over the years and even though I've taken control now and am paying back a lot of what I owe, I feel like noone else should take responsibility for my stupidity.

Maybe I should actually deal with this rather than just thinking 'it's my issue' and leaving it at that but I find it hard to accept that anyone else should suffer because of my mistakes. And I'm aware that being quite that independent is probably not a great thing in marriage, but it does mainly just relate to finances. And yes, it's not impossible that one of us would get ill or made redundant and while we could cut back a lot (at that stage I *would* get rid of the internet access and mobiles and cut back hugely on food) we'd still be in trouble.

Thoughts? Ideas? Anyone want to tell me I'm silly? ;D I often respond well to that!

Hi Ashmit

Well the reason I mentioned these 'scenarios' to you was 'cos on here we have members that have lost jobs, been widowed at a young age, or some have had fertility problems.
No-one can guarantee that these things what happen to you or me or anyone else.(though i hope they won't) so my suggestion was to work as a team (you and your husband) to clear these debts - and then you'll be ready for the next stage of your life whatever that might be - holidays, bigger house,cars,baby.

Best wishes to you whatever you decide

ashmit

Thanks Judi, Mrs Thrift and Spendless - food for thought. I agree with some points, disagree with others and will have to sit and think about the rest