Ever felt like your life unravelling?

beth85

Don't do it! It’ll be a big mistake!!!! I've tried to write this about 5 times now! lol but keep rambling on but basically Unless it feels 100% right then its 100% wrong! If you feel the need to discuss whether to marry your girlfriend on a forum then there’s something fundamentally wrong! ..You know what to do! I would go travelling if I was in the same position (without a doubt!) Don't hang on to this because you’re scared of hurting her, because you'll only end up hurting her even more in the long run!

Good luck!

svince80

Just felt I had to reply to this post as, just a week ago, I found out that my fiance of 4 years had been having an unfair with my married, pregnant 'friend'.
He had spent two years of our relationship either unemployed or studying so I supported him, financially and otherwise.
In the past week, I've completed and submitted my UCAS form (I've decided to re-train as a nurse, something I've always wanted to do), got a date for next week, and sold some of my exes stuff on eBay!
He was supposed to give me £5,000 towards my Masters and I could sit here and be bitter but you have to think about yourself, your happiness and the future.
My point is, people can and do get out of some tricky situations (and I'm not saying mine was that bad, we didn't have children or anything). Do what will make you happy.

poet123

Well done for picking yourself up from what must have been a devastating double betrayal. I hope your future works out well,and take comfort from the fact that you found out now, before marriage.

Good luck!!

haylibo

Unless it feels 100% right then its 100% wrong! Cobblers!!! Who of us doesn't get the wobbles at several points in a relationship? Especially when you're young and you haven't learned to live with each other's flaws or to admit your own. Good luck JEB, there's lots to learn about yourself by how you deal with this problem and how you grow through it.
Top tip - do a bl**dy budget! For day-to-day living and for the wedding. Once you start writing everything down you realise how costs mushroom.
We're doing the same for a new kitchen and it's amazing how many extras we wouldn't have allowed for if my spreadsheet loving hubby hadn't put his mind to it. Great fun- not;)
Good luck with it all.
Hayles

beth85

haylibo wrote: »

Unless it feels 100% right then its 100% wrong! Cobblers!!! Who of us doesn't get the wobbles at several points in a relationship? Especially when you're young and you haven't learned to live with each other's flaws or to admit your own. Good luck JEB, there's lots to learn about yourself by how you deal with this problem and how you grow through it.
Top tip - do a bl**dy budget! For day-to-day living and for the wedding. Once you start writing everything down you realise how costs mushroom.
We're doing the same for a new kitchen and it's amazing how many extras we wouldn't have allowed for if my spreadsheet loving hubby hadn't put his mind to it. Great fun- not;)
Good luck with it all.
Hayles

Thanks for that Hayles, what I meant was if the marriage doesn't feel 100% right then don't do it. If he's considering leaving her and travelling then it can't be. Of course relationships have ups and downs I've had my fair share but I wouldn't go into a marriage if I wasn't happy. The problem doesn't really seem to be with the budget itself, it seems to be with the fact his girlfriend isn't respecting the his budget. Just my thoughts...

ms_london

jon_E_begood wrote: »

Apologies for what is basically a rant to let off some built up steam..

Everything at the moment seems to be unravelling for me and really just feel like running away..

Redundancy is on the cards at work and at best i'll be forced into a job i dont want/like..I get home and get grief from my oh as we're getting wed but she's spent 6 months looking for venues any one of which was good enough for me but none of which were upto her standards. So she's found one which happens to be the most expensive and £4k over our budget. I've pointed this out and suggested we have a smaller d at the venue but theres no compriising and i'm an idiot. The ring i bought her (and skinted myself for) is also now "not good enough" as its the wwrong material and needs cleaning which is my fauly as i suggested she get it in that material. I've also recently started a small business so i come home from work and try to work on that inbetween arguements and pressure..

My friend is going travelling around the world in a few months...at one point last week i was ready to take redundancy, jack everything in and join him... Arrgh!

Think thats a bit better....for now....

Hi Jon!

I dont think you should get married. You were on here a while back (was it before I went travelling, cant remember!) having SERIOUS doubts about your girlfriend then, the next thing you are getting married & now you are in this situation.

You didnt sound happy then and you dont now.

Do you really want to be posting here in another 18 months, or 18 years worse still saying how unhappy you are, how you want to get a divorce but dont want to hurt her. etc etc etc.

You need to think SERIOUSLY about whether you want to get marries - its awful breaking off your engagment, but it willl be even worse going into a marriage you are unsure of.

Your girlfriend is either extremely high maintenance, or she doesnt feel you are right for her either but just wants to get married. It doesnt sound like either of you are happy.

As someone who is 19 months into her round the world trip, do it do it do it. Will be the best thing you ever did. When you get back, if your girlfriend is still around and you realise you are right for each other, get married then. You were talking about travelling all that time ago, just bloody do it.

Youll only end up regretting it xx

ms_london

leoetal19 wrote: »

she makes me ashamed to be female x

Me too!

I would rather be single & doing my own thing than in a relationship like this.

xx

Carmina_Piranha_3

DON'T TALK OF DIVORCE IN A YEAR - THAT WILL JUST MAKE JON THINK HE CAN DIVORCE HER IN A YEAR WHEN IN REALITY SHE WILL BE PREGNANT BY THEN.

ooops, caps lock - my toddler is helping
jon i think you need to read your previous posts and see if anything has actually changed. has she stopped publicly belittling you?

why do you feel your life is unravelling? okay you will lose your job but you're young - you'll get another job. you shouldn't be feeling like this. you're young, you have your health, you don't have any children to consider.

tell your girlfriend that you're not going to paying for a wedding if you don't have a job.

put the wedding on hold until the job situation is clearer. if you're getting redundancy money you could use that to retrain if your job area isn't what you really want. maybe in a year or two when you know what you're doing with your job, training, travel etc. you might find you actually WANT to marry her. the fear of settling down and becoming a father etc. might pass with time and then your grilfriend will get the wedding she deserves, where she knows that the man she marries wants to be there.

haylibo

The problem doesn't really seem to be with the budget itself, it seems to be with the fact his girlfriend isn't respecting the his budget. Just my thoughts...beth, I'm absolutely with you in that I don't think it's solely about the budget, it rarely is. I think though that's one underlying problem and the one JEB becomes sensitive too when he's having doubts. If they can sort that out then it would throw into relief any other problems that exist or not.
Sorry JEB just stand aside whilst we girls sort it out for you.... LOL, sounds familiar eh?