Ever felt like your life unravelling?

onamission_2

I really feel for you having read your other threads. I think you should look hard at yourself and work out /admit to yourself what YOU actually need. I'd be running.

jen_jen_2

jon, looking at your old posts and what you write here you need to take the money and run, book that ticket and go. You appear to be holding on because you dont think you can be alone. I assure you in a year you will wonder why worried.

If you were a woman i think you would receive lots of advice about domestic abuse, it appears from what you say she is bullying you and belittling you into making you do what she wants. Seriously are you happy with this being your life???

Hope to see you on the way round

poet123

if you were my son I would be saying, run fast,run far.......

Imagine you were talking to a friend being treated as you are,what advice would you honestly give?

I know it will seem that if you finish it your life will unravel and it will be hard to walk away,but if you don't.... ten years down the line this thread will live with you forever.

leoetal19

me again!!
i have been sat here so angry at ur situation, as jen jen says if u were a woman n she was a man we'd all be shouting-psychological abuse n thats what this is-belittling n blaming u-how on earth can u possibly MARRY this harridan who cares not that the venue is £4k too much-and calls u names for being right.
if i had magic powers i would wish you a year away looking back at the 2 options
1. stay and marry her (i actually shivered when i typed this)
2. go and grab the world, live every day as if its your last. laugh. love . live.

i ssssooooooo hope your not replying cos your busy buying tickets, finding your passport n packing
we all get what we deserve in life n you do not deserve this woman xxx
remember shoulda woulda coulda are the last words of a fool (along in your case with the words 'I do')

haylibo

JEB - have read through some of your posts and am wondering why you have been posting pretty much the same old for over a year now? You earn much more than your gf but it seems you do/did split household costs 50/50 so that she is left with much less spending money. She feels resentful that you have more cash for socialising and you complain she spends too much and doesn't appreciate what you offer her materially. The money issue is just a distraction from the issue of who is controlling the relationship agenda.
My guess is she's pushing you because you're not completely committed and she knows it. You talk of liking to have a good time and to socialise lots and now you're talking of jacking it all in to go travelling. The money difficulties are a mechanism to help keep open the idea of breaking free but in truth you don't and I'm wondering why. What is making the decision so hard?
You're not sure and she doesn't feel truly secure. You'll keep resenting her taking your cash and she'll go for more and more as proof that you love her. The money could be easy to sort out with a budget but then, if the finances are resolved you have to admit that you are in it for the long hall and there'll only be your own doubts getting in the way of you settling down.

louise540056

haylibo wrote: »

JEB - have read through some of your posts and am wondering why you have been posting pretty much the same old for over a year now? You earn much more than your gf but it seems you do/did split household costs 50/50 so that she is left with much less spending. She feels resentful that you have more cash for socialising and you complain she spends too much and doesn't appreciate what you offer her materially. The money issue is just a distraction from the issue of who is controlling the relationship agenda.
My guess is she's pushing you because you're not completely committed and she knows it. You talk of liking to have a good time and to socialise lots and now you're talking of jacking it all in to go travelling. The money difficulties are a mechanism to help keep open the idea of breaking free but in truth you don't and I'm wondering why. What is making the decision so hard?
You're not sure and she doesn't feel truly secure. You'll keep resenting her taking your cash and she'll go for more and more as proof that you love her. The money could be easy to sort out with a budget but then, if the finances are resolved you have to admit that you are in it for the long hall and there'll only be your own doubts getting in the way of you settling down.

:T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T
Brilliant reply!! Agree with every word! :T
:T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T

ceridwen

Hadnt seen the previous posts re girlfriend pays 50% of the household costs - though O.P. earns a lot more than her. Aaaah! In that case I can see why she asks for expensive presents etc - her way of trying to even out the balance a bit. If I were living with an O.H. I would expect we paid into the household running costs in proportion to our respective incomes - ie if he earnt twice as much as me for instance, then I would expect him in fairness to pay two-thirds of the household costs and vice-versa. So - actually if I were living with a man who expected me to pay too high a proportion of household costs in relation to our respective incomes - I would save him the trouble of chucking me, I'd chuck him first.

rosie-marie

Just to add to all the above comments - my brother divorced last year and is still paying for the "perfect wedding" - yikes!:eek:

Maz

poet123 wrote: »

if you were my son I would be saying, run fast,run far.......

Imagine you were talking to a friend being treated as you are,what advice would you honestly give?

I know it will seem that if you finish it your life will unravel and it will be hard to walk away,but if you don't.... ten years down the line this thread will live with you forever.

Absolutely, totally agree with this one. If you were my son, I'd give you the money!

Had a quick look over your old posts and was quite shocked to see that your situation with this wench hasn't changed in TWO YEARS !!!!

Doesn't that tell you something rather urgent and serious?????? Do you honestly think that she is EVER going to treat you like a human being????

Go, go, go - for the sake of your own sanity. Also, the break and distance may mean that when you come back you view everything with different eyes.

mr218

I dont blame her. you are completely to blame for your situation. you have spent a lot of time talking about her and how you are doing what she wants. if you had been truthful to yourself and her everyone would be happier in the long run. but your are afraid of what will happen and you prefer to stick with what you know and feel trapped rather than be bold and actually take a risk, financially or emotionally.

this is your last chance to liberate both of you. she is probably blissfully unaware of how you really feel and thinks you are just a 'regular' man who has no clue about rings and weddings. stop deluding her and deluding yourself. loving someone is not being in love with them. her behaviour towards you is deteriorating as she feels a sense of frustration and cant understand your vacillation and reluctance. this will only get worse as you both feel trapped.

take a chance you have one life. dont spend it with someone you dont want to.

find a quiet place and sit down and contemplate a situation where you are no longer with her. how do you feel, relief or terror.

talk to your friends and family about it. tell her as well about your fears. maybe she will take the decision and make it easy for you.

good luck and be true to yourself