Ever felt like your life unravelling?

Essex_Maid

This is a very sad post.

You, and only you, can take responsibility for your life.

You are not happy. Fully explain the finances, and your fears of getting into debt. Every relationship, even love, needs trust and respect (love is not enough).

See if you can get an urgent appointment with relate or another counsellor, to get your thoughts, feelings, fears into perspective. Go by yourself first, it could only take 2-3 sessions.

Your gf could just be very unsecure - but it seems your needs and feelings are not being taken into account - which is a very bad omen for a lifetime partnership.

Aliktren

we deliberatly spent less than a £1000 on our wedding, 14 years later we couldnt be happier, it's not what you spend that counts in the long run, if she cant see that then thats actually pretty sad

lindens

JEB

This woman sounds awful, from what little you have told us. I'm sure she has her good points but....

I think it will be a worthwhile exercise to read YOUR OWN posts back - and realise you have been asking for advise on the same thing for over a year and nothings changed.

I agree with many, take YOUR money and run, go off round the world or just away for 2 weeks and get your head together, and it will make her get hers together too. Then come back and see how you feel.
I wish you all the luck in your decision.

BlondeHeadOn

rosie-marie wrote: »

Ditto Somerset. Why do weddings often turn into very stressful situations? I was married on £1000 budget and it was a fantastic day. Unfortunately women get rather obsessed with tiny details and making it perfect that they often feel a bit cheated on the day - then when the credit card bills start rolling in.........:eek:

I would like to point out that not all women are like this!! I am one, and I wanted my wedding to be just the two of us and a witness each, in a registry office (£55), so that's what we did - and we both wore our favourite jeans! It was a really enjoyable day.

I hate weddings generally, even attending them is usually a crashing bore. Too much mindless faff, too much standing around for hours while thousands of photographs are taken, too much money spent on totally useless frippery (who needs all those [EMAIL="bl@@dy"]bl@@dy[/EMAIL] flowers anyway? reminds me of a funeral). Bah humbug!

Just to make sure all females are not tarred with the same brush....

jen_jen_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Hadnt seen the previous posts re girlfriend pays 50% of the household costs - though O.P. earns a lot more than her. Aaaah! In that case I can see why she asks for expensive presents etc - her way of trying to even out the balance a bit. If I were living with an O.H. I would expect we paid into the household running costs in proportion to our respective incomes - ie if he earnt twice as much as me for instance, then I would expect him in fairness to pay two-thirds of the household costs and vice-versa. So - actually if I were living with a man who expected me to pay too high a proportion of household costs in relation to our respective incomes - I would save him the trouble of chucking me, I'd chuck him first.

I lived with someone for years where we did a 50/50 split despite him earning more than me. Personally i wouldn't have felt comfortable paying less than half but we based our spending on what i could afford rather than us both.Never got expensive presents but then again i never asked for them. I dont think there is anything wrong with the financial arrangment they have, she however does and thats the point. the OP needs to sort this stuff out before they get married and he resents paying for his children to be brought up by her too. How do you feel about her being at home, raising children (which i do think is a job) and you then contributing all your income for her to spend as she thinks fit. If you cant manage the fundementals dont get married!!

jon_E_begood

Thanks EVERYONE - eve those who probably rightly pointed out i'm to bame for much of this. On the financial side of things this is how my oh wanted it is she owns 50% of everything. However, in my defence i'd say that i pay for everything else so whenever we go out i pay and i've always been happy to do that.

As far as the other stuff goes its been a really hard week, hence i felt the need to let of steam and things aren't always this bad. It's just sometimes when you get home from being told you may be out of a job and then instead of support get it in the neck about weddings and the amount of money to spend - doing a flit and leaving the country seems like a good option!! The reality kicks in.. and things aren't always that bad, we have a lot together and perhaps i've been guilty of making her sound worse than she is in the past, although i've not lied about anything. And i'm not perfect i know, i'm guarded and secretive for no real reason and bottle things up, just the way i am which cant make her feel good..

At the end of the day you're all right - its my life, my decision, my responsibility..i know that...

hev_2

Hugs

Reluctant to throw yet more advice at you - but you don't get many chances to change the path you are on. The Wedding of the Year will mean that you will be tied to her legally for a minimum of a year, because that is how long you have to be married before you can divorce.

Divorce is hell - look at the stuff on these threads.

We all do what we have to to get by, but you are getting a last chance to make a change to the path your life is taking. In ten years time, how will you see this period in your life?

Have you suggested to your OH that you postpone the wedding until you know what's happening with your job? Even if you lose a few deposits, it is better than running up bills you can't pay. Even if The Wedding of the Year is not postponed you will get an idea about how she feels.

Does she want to get married or be married? Is it the wedding or the marriage?

I suggest that you book some time with Relate just for yourself - it is possible and it will perhaps help you sort your mind out.

Whatever you decide (I am with the majority, BTW), good luck and best wishes.

rosie-marie

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

I would like to point out that not all women are like this!! I am one, and I wanted my wedding to be just the two of us and a witness each, in a registry office (£55), so that's what we did - and we both wore our favourite jeans! It was a really enjoyable day.

I hate weddings generally, even attending them is usually a crashing bore. Too much mindless faff, too much standing around for hours while thousands of photographs are taken, too much money spent on totally useless frippery (who needs all those bl@@dy flowers anyway? reminds me of a funeral). Bah humbug!

Just to make sure all females are not tarred with the same brush....

No sorry, certainly didn't mean all women. Just the women I know (impossible to comment on every woman in Britain). I was like you, a bit of a rebel! Just trying to help the guy - thats all.

bluebell13

Jon, having been through divorce where we were both destroyed by life and circumstances (IVF treatment) I would urge you to think very carefully before you marry. You have no idea what life is going to throw at you, and need to start off in a strong and mutually caring relationship to have any chance. Seven years later we are both in new realtionships but certainly on my part the scars will always reamin.

Please think carefully, and if it really doesn't feel right, then finish it now, for both your sakes.

Sarahsaver

Re. expensive jewellery and cleaning: my rings need cleaning, engagement and wedding rings, both platinum one handmade. :rotfl:
You sound like you have sussed her out. You know what to do really;)

Yep life does appear to unravel sometimes but most of the time we can make something new out of the situation. all the best;)