Catch 22 situation - another baby or not?

RoxieW

hi all - thank you for the supportive replies- its lovely to know that there are people out there who feel the same as I do.

Well, I think we've decided to go for it! Despite all the practical reasons, I still cant imagine never having another baby and we want to do it one more time. The thought that strikes a cord with me is that if we thought about the practicalities noone would ever have children! We'll find room for a pram etc and although it wont be 'perfect' it wouldn't be perfect if we waiting till we were in a bigger house.

In all honesty, I am dreaming of a little girl. In fact, I want it so badly that I daren't think about it too much. In my head I'm already convincing myself we'll have a boy and preparing myself for that. I have to be truthful and say that I would be disappointed - but I'd get over it and love a son, like I love my other sons. I couldnt imagine them being anything else!

So, here goes!

ashlea170706

hi rosie i just wanna say that i am a 19 year old with a 20 month old son he was again a "happy accident" but i wouldnt change him for the world we rent a three bedroom house but the third is a box room we would love to have another baby so we dont have too much of an age gap, and id love to go back to work after having the kids and get myself a career! Also i just wanna say if you have this child all it will need is your love the material things will not matter! well maybe not until a little later on and by this time you will prob have a better income! If you want to try for this baby then go for it otherwise it will always be in the back of your mind if you do get anither boy then thats the way its meant to be alot of people would die to have kids so i say go for it! and good luck with your decision! ash x

lindseykim13

iv'e just found your thread and i could have written it myself, i was 18 when ds1 came along (planned but broke) and 20 with ds2 they are now 6 and 3 hubby has left the dessision down to me which sucks! i so want a little girl i have a cupbard full of girls stuff waiting for her. we did start trying but then i changed my mind and now we are somwhere in limbo land. in all honestly pregnancy, sleepless nights, for a boy again i couldn't do but for a girl i could! We are exploring all sorts of alternitives at the mo including adoption. I am blessed to have 2 lovely wild boys but my mum has me and i want my own daughter sometimes these things seem so unfair. same said for couples who have all girls i wonder if we could set up a swap unit :rotfl: hope it all works out for you.

kr15snw

2 points from my opinion:

I grew up in the box room and was there for 20 years until I moved out. In my room was my single bed, a wardrobe and a bedside draw unit. That was all I could fit in it! And I coped! The interesting thing is Ive had to leave most of my stuff there as I cant fit in in my new place (a large 2 bedroomed house, I know it just doesnt make sense!!) This meant my brothers had to share the double bedroom and did until oldest bro moved out when they were 28 and 31. They were perfectly happy sharing

Also age gaps are fine! There is 9 and 13 years between me and brothers and I wouldnt change it for the world!

So I would say go for it if you want, or wait! Both options would work, as they did for me

onlyroz

You must be really careful about wanting a child of a particular sex. I know a guy at work who has four children he can barely afford because his wife wanted a girl. If you had another boy, how would he feel if he found out that he was only produced because mummy wanted a daughter?

As for your house being a bit small, can't you put a bunk bed in the largest bedroom for your two boys?

looby-loo_2

Go for it or live with it for years

charlies_mum_3

We've only got DS & I was 100% certain that I didn't want anymore........ until yesterday.

Was chatting to a friend who said to me "You'll never regret the children you have - only the ones you didn't have"..........

Got me thinking...

HappySad

More space more space. I feel that you should go for it with your 3rd child and when this baby get older to back to work and then in 5 years time get a bigger house.

If you want a closer age gap then go for it now and think about the space later. I have been reading loads of books on space saving houses and storage and what someone has already said you need to do a massive clear out of you stuff. Most people move house because they want more room for their stuff. So if you get rid of most or the stuff that you are not really using then you will be 1/2 way there.

Do you have a loft? Get a loft extension done for storage or even better another bedroom. Much cheaper than moving house.

Think about your rooms in a different way. You could get one of those 3 sleeper bunk beds and squeeze that into the box room to sleep all children. One double bedroom for the parents (you and hubby) then the second double bedroom as a dressing/playroom. Your family would survive this unusual arrangement while your children are young. Then when baby is going to school you will be working for more money and then be able to afford a bigger house where everyone can then have their own bedroom.

I would love to go for it with child no.3 but feel that 2 is the limit that I can cope with. Also 40 years old means that time is running out for me. Also I feel that I don't feel that I can go thought the whole thing again of raising another life into the world with all the large effort in teaching and moulding this person. Bring up children is very hard work and takes up you sole completely. It is completely rewarding but also completely intensive too. (sorry for going on about myself).

YOu are young and with 3 children for a few years in a 3 bedroom house will be fine. Your long term goal of all 3 being happy with their own bedroom will just be delayed... and the age gap will be what you want. You will also have all the nappy changes days all over and none with.

dobs

Hiya just wanted to say i know how you feel about having two sons and being desperate for a girl, i have wanted a girl since i first saw my niece many many yrs ago!I already had a 5 yr old and 3 yr old and was actually originally told my eldest was a girl when he was born and was gutted when they came back and said she was a he!(born v early so was hard to tell!)

Despite pregnancy problems (me and pregnancy does not suit!) and also lackof space upstairs (though what the people did before us was move the wall slightly between the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms so they are now similar sizes and can both take a proper size wardrobe/bed/chest etc which before wouldn'thave fitted in the tinist room)we decided to go for it as iwas so desperate for a girl and was told not to have more than 3 caesarians due to risk factor so i knew this was our last chance.

Had the scan at 20wks and was told it was another boy, sounds heartless but iwas so disappointed i ran off to the loo after and criedmy eyes out. It wasn't until he was born and then when a few hrs old we nearly lost him that i knew i loved him more than anything and am priveleged to be his mum however undeserving i am!

He's now 5 mths old and i would not for anything put him back in the womb and wish him away for a girl. You do get over the disappointment and love them for the marvellous little personalities they are. Yes i still hanker over a girl and get emotional walking past girls clothes etc and seeing mumswith daughters but then again with all these older brothers if i had a girl i tell myself she'd be a tomboy anyway!

Hope this helps with your decision sorry its a bit long! Just wanted to let you know my experience.If you do decide to wait time is on your side i'm36 now as i was a late starter but you could wait and have two more siblings in your thirties. On the lack of space front i am in the process ofsorting out alotof our stuff and toys etc that arent used, it just takes up space and could make you moneyif you carboot/ebay it. Good luck with your decision, just want you to know that you would love your son just as much as the other two and i decided to have one last go as if i didn't try i would never know what i would have had!(hope that makes sense!)